Having a problem communicating. Please help

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Hello friends. I was hoping someone might be able to help me with a problem. I'm not sure it's 100% due to my ASD.

My problems with communication occur when I'm trying to, well, communicate with someone whether it's on facebook, on forums such as this or in real life. I'm not sure why. It could be a matter of trying to find the right words to say; tripping over my own words; unsure if what's being said is worth the attention to the person with whom I'm speaking. When I'm writing something, it's most often a matter of being misunderstood based upon what I've written. I've considered changing every single word of what I type using a thesaurus to see if the clarity of what I've written is any more clear.

I've talked to my therapist about this. She suggests it's a matter of not being able to read the intonation or cadence in someone's voice or read their facial expressions or see their arms or hands move. Basically, the worst parts about having Asperger's; the inability to read non-verbal communication queues.

The fact remains that I still have a hard time face to face talking with someone. I'm not sure if it's a stammer but it's something close. It's like I'll be talking about something, trip over my own words or see that the person I'm talking to is distracted and I'll just trail off.

Thanks in advance for any thoughtful and respectful comments.

I think your therapist is completely correct on the written aspect of writing. I know I can pick up some rudimentary body language in person, which writing is devoid of. What kind of headspace affects how communication is received, also. I am much less reactive to people on antidepressants, and more tolerant of personality quirks.

I know the sense of grasping for words, but it's more occasional for me. If I know I'm not matching the conversation flow, I'll back off.

Sorry no good advice, but I relate somewhat.

Thanks for that!

Here's an example of how I'm not really that well understood:



Can I get someone to analyze my wording and sentence structure for any possible flaws that might make it difficult for someone to understand?

This is my interpretation which could be incorrect..

Mike seems to be seeking more examples of personal experiences with "x".

Your comment seems to reflect more on page capabilities instead of a broadening of experience shared.

I could be wrong,but that's how I read it.

That's very interesting. A very good friend of mine has a similar trouble with communicating clearly sometimes, and when that happens I can't understand her first attempt at all, so what I do is to ask questions and try to guess what she might mean, until it's clear. Eventually my friend manages to say what she means very clearly, though it sometimes takes us quite a long time.

As I similarly can't understand what you're trying to say in your example, I'll offer you some questions, to see if we can work it out. It might take a few rounds of questions and answers to get it clear. It'll be good practice for me anyway.

My guess is that you're talking about an edible product, something that has benefits. Is that correct? If not, what are these "various strains" you're talking about?

It seems that you're suggesting looking for more benefits for these "strains." Is that correct?

Why do you want to do that? My guess is that you're involved in marketing something and that you're proposing that the marketing group looks for benefits so that they can publicise them and increase sales. Am I right?

Anyway, if you answer those questions as best you can, that should help to make it clearer, and if need be I'll ask further questions.

When it's work to communicate and we only have so much brain power, it's easy to get distracted from thinking also about the other person's point of view. Without considering what they know, I leave out important background that people need to understand.

It looks to me like you left out the background, maybe? And the person responding is asking you what you meant. When that happens, I let people help me and just go with that, thank them for asking and clarifying.

See, this website is essentially a database for marijuana strains. Some can have the benefit of being happy, giggly, euphoric, sleepy, hungry and so on. The list is, in my opinion, incomplete and I think there could be more benefits added to the list of those already in the database.

(I hope this is clear)

And it might be useful to me if I'd write down in MS Word or something what I want to say and review it a few times before I post it. Seems like a lot of work for something as simple as communicating but it might be worth it.

Yes that's clear, thanks. What had been missing was the context, and you've now explained that very well

I think your example would have been clear if the part that said "plans to expand the benefits...." had said "plans to include more info about the benefits...." You were very close to being clear, I reckon.

The guy who replied had pretty much got what you meant, he was just asking if you meant expanding the info (about the benefits and features) on the page, so I guess your answer would be "yes."

It could be a good idea to draft your stuff offline, yes. You're on the right track, going over things and adjusting it for clarity. I do that all the time, I try to read my stuff back and imagine I'm the person that the stuff is intended for. My problem is the opposite of yours, I overexplain, so I probably annoy people by writing too much, making things clear when they've already understood it fine from my first sentence.