If you are aware of your disorder, do you still have it?

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MarketAndChurch
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17 Jun 2015, 3:28 am

Hey guys. Quick question. I've never sought treatment before for things like aspergers or disorders, but I'm like poor and have to go through one of those government-subsidized medicare mental health programs. Anywho, I saw a clinician today, and was telling her how I have(undiagnosed) Paranoid Personality Disorder and that it runs in my family(my father and my brother have it). She immediately cut me off by saying that "I don't think you have Paranoid Personality Disorder," and I asked why, and her response was "people who have it are in denial that they have it in the first place." She then went on to say that I'm probably just ascribing disorders to myself that aren't true. But that's besides the point...

Is it possible to have a disorder, and be self-aware of your having that disorder? Especially if you had to live through your mirror image(father) and the less-desirable expressions of this disorder, and coming away from it all saying "F*** that, I'm never going to be that way to my kids," only to realize that the same situations and circumstances that causes you to hate your family member because of their disorder, illicit the same emotional and psychological response from you? And that as a result, you need to educate your heart on how to rationally feel about certain things, and actively work to counter-act those undesirable symptoms that make you difficult to live with?

I wasn't too happy by this clinician invalidating my experience. Truth be told, she has to save money, so i understand her attempts to dissuade my seeking help for mental health for things that her medical program isn't obligated or payed by the state to treat. But I need a second opinion on whether self-awareness, paired with active-mangement to counter-act something whose horrors you had to live through yourself from someone else with the same disorder, disqualifies you from having that disorder. As if self-help and self-therapy means you don't necessarily have the disorder in its fullest expression, and perhaps occupy some other title, such as post-PPD, formerly-PPD, or even "treated." I still suffer from PPD, but I need a rebuttal that will be effective against her crass dismissal.


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ajpd1989
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17 Jun 2015, 5:12 am

It is definitely possible to be aware of your disorder and still have it.
I think the only people who would be unable to are those who lack insight of their own thoughts and behaviors.
Some mental illnesses have a tendency to cause a lack of insight, but that doesn't mean that everyone who has them is completely unable to realise what's going on.

I have had issues with paranoia before, and still do to a moderate extent.
I may not have PPD, but I am aware of it being abnormal, even though part of my mind thinks such thoughts are perfectly valid. It generally doesn't cause me a large amount of stress, so that's one reason I haven't sought help [for that issue].

"people who have it are in denial that they have it in the first place" is not a good statement in my opinion. Those who are in denial generally know what is going on, but have refused to accept it on an emotional level.



Jensen
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17 Jun 2015, 5:27 am

Yes, it is possible. You have had this mirror and dxéd close family member with the disorder. That woman cannot in one meeting dismiss it. You´re right,- she tries to save money.
Is there an autism centre nearby? If so, you may get some advice. Universities can sometimes provide assessment.


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17 Jun 2015, 6:04 am

It is possible.

However in your case you might have to ask yourself if it is really a disorder on your side or you simply take over the believes of your father and brother.

My father is really distrusting and paranoid too and I picked it up from him but those aren't my thoughts. For example he always used to say "Clean your room when you invite people or else your friends will talk about you behind your back" so I clean my room out of fear I will lose my friends but I personally don't fully believe my friends would betray me just for seeing some mess. It seems illogical to me. But I follow it anyway.

Sometimes it is hard to distinguish what your loved ones used to tell you when you were growing up from your personal thoughts and believes because their statements are fixed deep in your mind.



kraftiekortie
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17 Jun 2015, 8:30 am

You might have a disorder--but at least you have insight into it.



Callista
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17 Jun 2015, 8:34 am

It is both possible and common.

In psychology, the term is "good insight", and it means that you are aware of your own thinking and how it affects you.

The idea that "crazy people don't know they're crazy" is a fallacy. Most people with mental illnesses and neurological conditions (autism is a neurological difference, by the way, not a mental illness; the autistic brain is built differently) know that they are different and know that they are having problems related to that difference.

Some disorders can have poor insight, but these are usually ones that involve psychosis, like bipolar mania or schizophrenia. And even then, some of those people are aware of what's happening, especially during the less-severe parts of their episodes of psychosis.

Good insight is said to be a sign that improvement, recovery, or the acquisition of coping skills will be easier and take less time.


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17 Jun 2015, 8:43 am

Yes, one can be aware of what they have. This cannot negate having the disorder.

I hope you get a good doctor



kraftiekortie
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17 Jun 2015, 8:57 am

Hi Callista

Long Time No See!



Sweetleaf
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17 Jun 2015, 10:17 am

MarketAndChurch wrote:
Hey guys. Quick question. I've never sought treatment before for things like aspergers or disorders, but I'm like poor and have to go through one of those government-subsidized medicare mental health programs. Anywho, I saw a clinician today, and was telling her how I have(undiagnosed) Paranoid Personality Disorder and that it runs in my family(my father and my brother have it). She immediately cut me off by saying that "I don't think you have Paranoid Personality Disorder," and I asked why, and her response was "people who have it are in denial that they have it in the first place." She then went on to say that I'm probably just ascribing disorders to myself that aren't true. But that's besides the point...

Is it possible to have a disorder, and be self-aware of your having that disorder? Especially if you had to live through your mirror image(father) and the less-desirable expressions of this disorder, and coming away from it all saying "F*** that, I'm never going to be that way to my kids," only to realize that the same situations and circumstances that causes you to hate your family member because of their disorder, illicit the same emotional and psychological response from you? And that as a result, you need to educate your heart on how to rationally feel about certain things, and actively work to counter-act those undesirable symptoms that make you difficult to live with?

I wasn't too happy by this clinician invalidating my experience. Truth be told, she has to save money, so i understand her attempts to dissuade my seeking help for mental health for things that her medical program isn't obligated or payed by the state to treat. But I need a second opinion on whether self-awareness, paired with active-mangement to counter-act something whose horrors you had to live through yourself from someone else with the same disorder, disqualifies you from having that disorder. As if self-help and self-therapy means you don't necessarily have the disorder in its fullest expression, and perhaps occupy some other title, such as post-PPD, formerly-PPD, or even "treated." I still suffer from PPD, but I need a rebuttal that will be effective against her crass dismissal.


That clinician sounds like an idiot...it is quite possible to be self aware of having a disorder, it is certainly possible you could be wrong about certain disorders you think you have since some can over-lap but they shouldn't just invalidate your experience like that even if they do think you could be incorrect. Sure there are people with disorders that are in denial...does not mean everyone with a given disorder is in denial. I've heard of plenty of schizophrenic people who are well aware they have schizophrenia...but yeah pretty sure there is no disorder being in denial is a requirement for.

I mean hell if people with things like paranoid PD, schizophrenia ect. have to remain indefinitely in denial to have the disorder what would be the point in treating it? What once the person in denial realizes maybe they do have a disorder like that they're cured?

One idea is use a more asking approach...I know it sounds kinda silly, but professionals like to feel like professionals, even if you are certain you have an undiagnosed condition....don't go in and say 'I have undiagnosed paranoid PD'? Might be better to tell them some concerns/symptoms your having without referencing the disorder and let them analyze and come to the conclusion of what disorder it could be, or even just say you're concerned you have Paranoid P.D...there are some ideas in psychology floating around about it being unwise for one to just decide they have a disorder without professional assessment, so any indication you know exactly what disorder you have might scare them away you could say they want to feel like they are assessing you and giving you an answer/diagnoses much of the time.


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17 Jun 2015, 11:25 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Hi Callista

Long Time No See!
Heh... yeah, the forum change kind of threw me off. I kept wanting to go back but it all looked so *different*!

BRB, blaming my brain again. :P


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17 Jun 2015, 11:56 am

Callista wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Hi Callista

Long Time No See!
Heh... yeah, the forum change kind of threw me off. I kept wanting to go back but it all looked so *different*!

BRB, blaming my brain again. :P


glad you're back!


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17 Jun 2015, 1:02 pm



kamiyu910
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17 Jun 2015, 1:45 pm

I think Sweetleaf touched on a good point, going in and saying "I have x" usually puts them on the defensive. I thought it would be helpful thing, but I've found it usually goes better if I go in saying my symptoms and ask them what they think.


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MarketAndChurch
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17 Jun 2015, 1:56 pm

Thanks everyone for the feedback, I'll share some thoughts.

kraftiekortie wrote:
You might have a disorder--but at least you have insight into it.


Which is definitely a blessing a curse in its own right. But definitely, I'm happy to know that I have it. I can see the sort of inner-fascist it turns me into. It's not the kind of person I want to be, and part of the reason I never want to have kids; having rather strong PPD, I'd never want to put another human being through the experience I went through, be it a child or spouse.


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MarketAndChurch
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17 Jun 2015, 2:16 pm

ajpd1989 wrote:
It is definitely possible to be aware of your disorder and still have it.
I think the only people who would be unable to are those who lack insight of their own thoughts and behaviors.
Some mental illnesses have a tendency to cause a lack of insight, but that doesn't mean that everyone who has them is completely unable to realise what's going on.


In my case, I also suffer severely from Avoidant Personality Disorder. My uncle who is 87 also has this. But the mixture of AvPD with PPD sort of creates an ultra-shy creature who can't take criticism or negative evaluation, and yet is ultra-controlling. The only remedy I've looked to since childhood was self-criticism, and trying to discern why I was getting the reactions that I was getting, and what it was in my power to fix, to mitigate those unwanted reactions. Also, being born into a family with two parents who also have Aspergers, syblings with an array of disorders including one who is a Schizophrenic, you have to live with the shortcomings and consequences of these disorders. The bliss of ignorance may be sweet, and I may be able to tolerate my own shortcomings towards others, and like many others who I have met who are PPD, just dismiss everyone else an "idiot," who doesn't know what they're doing, but you can't avoid the consequences of your behavior if you are the life-long recipient of its shortcomings from the family that your disability anchors you to.

Self-criticism, as in "What are you doing wrong right now," or "Why did you get that reaction," or "Could you have gotten a different reaction and what could you have done to get that different reaction," haunts my every action. Nothing I do isn't first counseled by thoughts of the like. I sort of have no choice but to be overly self-reflective, it's the only coping mechanism that has helped me survive a world I don't understand, and clearly doesn't understand me.


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MarketAndChurch
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17 Jun 2015, 2:25 pm

Jensen wrote:
Yes, it is possible. You have had this mirror and dxéd close family member with the disorder. That woman cannot in one meeting dismiss it. You´re right,- she tries to save money.
Is there an autism centre nearby? If so, you may get some advice. Universities can sometimes provide assessment.


I'll give it a try. It certainly couldn't hurt. The process of seeking help is really new to me. But I think I just need to temper my expectations from a state-run agency that only offers treatment for Anxiety Depression and substance Addiction, wherein every disorder or symptom of a disorder you bring up, from OCD to ADHD, will be somehow relayed back to one of those core focuses that they are contracted to treat.

So I'll look to the local Asperger community for advice. I'll try my local University too, thank you for this advice.


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