To make up with a friend or not?

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Hi, I was friends with a neighbour for around five years. He is a single Dad. He has regular issues with depression, and can be very self involved when he is depressed. Recently (around four weeks ago) we fell out. I had introduced him to another friend of mine, and he had been hanging out with her for about a year. Then he started wanting me to not come when they hung out, because then he could offload more easily and she could help him with his kids more easily if my kids weren't there too. She didn't actually want this, and also doesn't think it's fair of him to expect her to look after the kids.

I was very hurt by this. I've been a good friend, supported him through a divorce, mental health issues, including regularly dropping everything to be by his side, and taking his kids to school for him. So when I told him I was feeling a bit like I wasn't important to him he got really defensive saying that you can't measure friendship and just because we've been through more together and he's known me longer doesn't mean I should feel like we're better friends. He ended up ditching me mid way through the process of trying to talk it out, angry, declaring that we would no longer hang out anyway as I seem 'determined to measure friendship on a ruler'. Also I've had some tough stuff happening this year (marriage issues, losing my Gran, aspergers diagnosis for me and my son) and I kinda needed him to be more sensitive.

Since then his Mum died, and of course he texted me, wanting support (as usual). I replied saying sorry to hear that and get in touch when you feel ready to talk. Anyway four weeks have passed, and he texted saying he was ready and suggesting a time. The problem is I don't really want to, not having the responsibility and worrying about him has actually made me feel calmer. Also I'm angry, I don't really feel like I've done anything wrong, so more than a chat I want a demonstration that he cares and an apology. I have a feeling the chat will lead to me just letting it go for ease rather than feeling like I've been heard and understood. So I've replied saying I'm thinking about it, and really not sure what to do next? Help please?

He may be depressed and he may have had a lot of very unfortunate things happen to him in his lifetime, but a friendship is a two way street, and you're entitled to his respect and patience just as you have shown him both. It's no excuse for him to treat you that way, you can be his friend but if he can't grasp that he's treating you unfairly, it's a waste of time.

Hmmm.......I take it you're female, the neighbour was an unattached male, you've looked after him a lot, then a female comes into his life, then he wants you to give them some space. Could unspoken sexuality issues have clouded things? Sounds to me like you just wanted to help and be a good friend, but I wonder what's been going through his head over the years?

I would cut him loose. He's only in the friendship (or whatever you want to call it) for his own benefit and what he can get out of you. He's not worth your time and trouble. Use that time to find someone who actually cares and wants to be a real and loyal friend. Life is too short to be treated like a second fiddle.