I don't understand this whole "stuck-up" thing.

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People are ALWAYS calling me stuck up. When I ask them why they say "its because you don't talk" or "its just a vibe" or "you never do anything". But I don't get it theres people all around me who aren't talking, and nobody calls the other girls stuck up...even the really quiet ones... If I knew how to talk I would, do I just walk up to people and start talking? What do I say? I've tried talking to people and then they say my tone of voice is stuck-up... so that doesn't help either! Then, they'll say I'm stuck up because I don't have any friends, but when I try to make friends I fail!! ! They act like I don't even try when I try really hard. Am I missing something?

How do I come off as shy & sweet vs stuck up, how do I get people to understand??? Also, how do I get them to know that I'm not talking to them because I don't like them, but because I'm terrified and I honestly don't know what to say or how to approach them?

Smiling might help with that. People usually act a lot nicer to me when I smile compared to when I just have a neutral expression on my face.

I don't understand either why people assume that if someone is quiet it means they are stuck-up. I know plenty of loud extroverted people that are stuck-up and arrogant. I also know a lot of quiet people that are very down-to-earth.

I don't really know how to smile. Like do I just walk around smiling 100% of the time? I don't usually see people doing that.

There's a chance that you put up a wall so to speak. On guard around others in a way that makes it appear that you have disdain towards them. There's many times people have said at whatever gathering, "I don't think he likes me very much" because I am aloof. Also people with ASD sometimes look angry or whatever when they are not. I think dealing with sensory problems gives one a frowny face. I try to smile more and give little waves these days. I think that makes me look more shy of people rather than it appearing I don't like them. My cousin coached me on that.

Just little closed mouth half smiles, not big grins. Possibly the most famous smile of all time is on the Mona Lisa, and it's barely there.

I was called stuck up in my first year of secondary school, which for my area and age group was the age of 11 going on 12, and a really scary transition for me. I was terrified and already a practically mute shy girl, so in my mind all I was doing was feeling petrified, keeping my mouth shut, and because I didn't have any old friends and didn't know how to make any new friends, I stuck my head in a book at break times.

People interpreted all this as stuck up when inside myself I felt anything but, I was just deeply withdrawn and deeply frightened.

I agree with the advice to try and have even very small, slight smile, anything that takes the edge of a facial expression that might be looking like fear, being withdrawn, and other negatively perceived things. The more relaxed you look, the less other negative things show up on your face.

Also maybe asking people questions about themselves, even if it's just something stupid like "I just got done watching Lost on Netflix -- what did you think of that show? Do you have a favorite show?"

Anytime a person feels like they're are being made the centre of attention in even the briefest chat, they feel flattered at a subconscious level and they can't come away with an impression that you are stuck up.

I wish I'd known this when I was getting called this; I had to just muddle through.

There's a rather facile assumption among NTs that if you don't join in with general conversation then you are aloof. For some reason this is the first explanation that occurs to them, not the fact that you may be shy. Perhaps, deep down, they're conscious that small talk is excruciatingly dull and are trying to shift the blame for this onto you. I've been accused of being aloof all my life, but I've learnt to subtly introduce more profound and interesting subject matter into conversations quite rapidly, - particularly with total strangers on train journeys, for example - and I've had some fascinating exchanges as a result. You have to have a 'stock' of interesting subject matter at hand, so you can use it when the occasion arises. The hardest thing to learn is how soon to make the transition from chit-chat to proper conversation.

BirdinFlight is right to say that if you appear to give your whole attention to the other person, then they will instinctively warm to you. Make them feel that they are the most important person in the world.

The best thing about talking to Aspies is that no one minds when there's a silence in the conversation; neurotypicals, on the other hand, will often be freaked out by this.

You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. Be that cool silent protagonist who's free from social pressures. People are mean anyway. Why immediately jump to stuck up and not shy? I don't know what grade you're in but you will soon learn that trying to be someone you aren't is just bad for you. If they're misreading you isn't that their problem? If you don't want to do something then don't do it.

Yes it is true where if you deflect the conversation back to them they'll engage more but then you'll have to deal with the fact that it may possibly bore you and if that's "not your style" they may catch up on it and get annoyed.

The way people are can be just crazy with all their weird games where nobody wins. When I was in school I just put the headphones in, turned it up, and walked in circles. The people I did have fun with were the weird ones who by default had interesting conversations (and later on I learned that they had family members on the spectrum which may have helped).

That's a smile??? I thought a smile had teeth. Like this .

Yes, very slight smile. A slight ) shape on the mouth.

The green is a very beautifully drawn line following her mouth shape - does it make things clearer?

I've always hated this, too. I get called stuck up by family members who make frequent, casually racist comments about others. Yet, I'm supposed to believe I'm a "snob."

Unfortunately, many people will also push you to not just smile, but show teeth.

I was just thinking about this today. Seems some people think quiet people may not like them so ignore them. I'm socially anxious, introverted and usually don't talk to people because I don't know what to say. I sort of shut down around a lot of people too.

My guess about your voice sounding 'stuck up' could be it sounding too pedantic.

You could try and seem less stuck up to them but why would you try and act a way that pleases them? If you want them to like you and get along with you then go for it, but if they end up still being jerks about it I would just give up on them. Sorry. I have tried to modify myself to better fit people perceptions but it never seems to be enough for them. I show kindness through acts and that's how people know I'm a nice person. I don't do it deliberately, I just like helping people out.

I practiced my smile for a long time to make it my default expression around other people. That little half smile thing is my natural smile (which I just don't use often), but I noticed it can be interpreted as a smirk or a contemplative expression (if you read descriptions of the mona lisa's smile it is often noted as knowing or mysterious) so I kept getting bothered by people who were asking what I was thinking and when I would reply 'nothing really' I would come off as either standoffish or maybe thinking something untoward towards them.

I eventually adjusted my smile to show my teeth and I got much better results as people assumed it was either genuine happiness or perhaps vapid idiocy (can't be sure).

The "stuck up" thing is a social tool that others use on an individual to pressure them into conforming to what they want.

They can sense that you aren't willing to play their game of hierarchy with them, validate their social status, or allow them to invalidate you.

Basically, you just aren't being openly social.

I'm stuck-up. I don't want anything to do with most of the human race, or their big noisy parties, their sports, fashions, religions, schmoose, judgementalism, lying and cheating, bad grammar, superficiality, celebrity worship, armed forces worship, patriotism, alcohol worship, moral certainty, daft social rules, acceptance of capitalism, cruelty to animals, gender-binary mindset, the half-baked results they're content with.........I know I'm not perfect, but really! If I have to accept that stuff, I'd like to remain a snob please. Weird thing is, my social style is uncommonly genial and familiar, with the right people.

Exactly.

When I was in High School, I was told that I would walk around school with my head tilted up slightly. It was nothing I was aware of. But, apparently people thought I did this on purpose, because I was “stuck up”.