Autism and not liking being with people.

Post Reply New Topic

(My diagnosis is high functioning autism)

I don't generally like being around people. I feel uncomfortable when I am among people, especially strangers. But even my friend or my dad, I can only spend 1-2 hours at a time with them before I start getting overloaded and stressed.

Before I see my extreme NT mum, I have to take clonazepam and extra olanzapine so I don't have several meltdowns during seeing her. She talks constantly and is really hyper all the time.

I don't mind professionals so much. In fact professional appointments can be rather useful and productive. Neurologist / psychiatrist appointments are interesting due to my interest in neuropsychiatry.

However I can spend days and days at home alone and be happy with it. If I run out of food, I just do the online food shopping and get it delivered (I cannot leave the house alone).

My mum feeds off being around people. She needs to have several hours of human interaction a day otherwise she starts crying and gets depressed.

I don't even like texting, PMing and emailing. I just want to be in my own bubble (although posting threads is easier as it's not so much of a conversation).

Is it common in autism to not like being around people? How do I explain this to my mum, who only sees the world in a purely NT way?

I prefer being by myself as well.

When I am with others, I am usually "done" within 1-2 hours as well (oftentimes sooner). I never considered that all that unusual. Then again, I have no idea what is normal.

Yes I think it's common for autistic people to have problems being around people much. Many of us do get lonely though, and that tends to force us to socialise more than is comfortable, but I've heard that if things don't work out, even the socially-motivated ones tend to give up and settle for a lonely but less stressful existence.

I think all you can do with your mother is to explain it to her like you've just explained it to us here. Hopefully she'll eventually listen, though you may have to repeat the message a few times if she's very NT-minded.

Would say it is pretty common. I can deal with people at uni (very small class less than 10 people) though only because I'm focused on the subject. Else where I'm good for about 30 minutes especially if it's shop, even walking the dog I specifically pick places that never have anyone there. In my house I'm good for about 30-60 minutes before getting too overwhelming, if they're in same room, about 2 hours max if they're not in the same room but making general noise around the house.

As for explaining it to your mother, maybe what you've posted but in a list that sets it out pretty clearly, like with a specific time limit for seeing her. Or something like that, other people will have better advice on that.

I've recently dealt myself out of pretty much all social interaction. I find it pointless, a real hiding to nothing. A whole lotta grief and aggravation for nothing back.

You have just described me, except I don't mind emailing or texting. I prefer communicating in writing than in person because at least I can check over what I am saying before I say it. I can just about manage the phone but I find it draining if it goes on for too long and I find I tend to talk over people or interrupt which gets frustrating.

My family also cannot understand why I don't need to be around others and I doubt they ever will but you certainly aren't unusual in it. I don't leave the house unless I have to for my children's school related activities or if I have to buy them something they have to try on first otherwise all my shopping is done online. There have been times I haven't left the house in weeks and my husband did everything outside the home.

I'm pretty much the same. I prefer to be by myself with no one around most of the time.

My Mam sounds like your Mam. She's pretty clued up on mental health stuff generally but not on Autism. She really doesn't get that I can't stand certain things that she does. She thinks I'm trying to control what she does and doesn't get that it's extremely uncomfortable for me that she's so loud all the time.

Instead of trying to get your Mam to understand how it feels to be autistic, you could try focus more on getting her to sympathise with the difficulties autism presents for you. You can do this by talking to her about any issues not related to her. That's how I try to communicate them to my Mam anyway. I remind her of things that bother me in general and hope that she makes the connection that she is the cause of some of my anxiety without explicitly shooting her down for it.

As for getting your parents to try and understand your preference for solitude, I don't think that's possible. NT and Autistic brains are wired differently. It's a bit like if your Mam asked you to try and understand the way her NT brain works you wouldn't be able to do it.

And now for an on topic musical interlude

I too identify with a lot of the feelings discussed, especially getting burned out really quickly when other people are around, or at least when a certain level of social contribution is required on my part. I can sit in my busy office all day surrounded by people with no issues, but 30 minute meetings are something I can dread days in advance.

It's really frustrating me, because while I'm happy alone most of the time, I often really desire company, but when I have it I can feel like wanting to escape quite quickly.

I guess I want company which is on my own terms, maybe just one or two individuals who 'get me' and are fine with how I am.

This post has cheered me somehow. Sometimes I feel guilty
about avoiding so much social interaction (e.g. endless
family gatherings, daily chit-chat and socialising). But its
encouraging to read about others who feel the same...

Like somebody wrote above, I find socialising: " a hiding to
nothing"... (Its exhausting and pointless for me - only
a matter of time before I say/do the wrong thing)

But sometimes my family (especially my mother) can't
understand why I prefer my own company so much. When I was
younger, I over-compensated for my Autism by being
ultra-friendly and interested in everyone. But of course
that "false mask" couldn't last and I burnt out...

Now I've more balance and enjoy my solitary life.
I occasionally bump into people who I can have a meaningful
conversation with... not draining chit-chat. (I know one or
two nature poets and love listening to their view of the
world)

I love being alone.