Anyone experience awkwardness when saying goodbye

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Yesterday, I went to a 4th of July party with my wife and kids. There were quite a few families there. These were mostly my wife’s friends – people who she has known for 20+ years.

I don’t really consider these people my friends. As I don’t ever engage with them (i.e. call them up, do things with them, etc.) outside of these events.

Per typical, when I go to these parties I don’t really have much to say. Oh, there is one father whose child is going to the same state university as mine. So, we can talk about that. Or, there is another father who works in a similar field as mine. So, we can talk about that. But, other than that, I mostly just sit down somewhere and listen to others talk. I may occasionally say something (particularly, when someone asks me a question). But, mostly I just listen.

What I noticed, is that when it gets time to leave, I hate saying goodbye.

First of all, when others leave before me, I feel very awkward. As others are shaking their hands or giving hugs or whatever, I think, “What do I do?” So, this time, I just decided to avoid people who were leaving.

Then, when it was my time to leave, I feel very awkward. Who do I say goodbye to? After all, I didn’t speak to many people. I would prefer just to walk out without saying goodbye. But, my wife would tell me it’s rude. Also, it becomes quite awkward when someone says, “Wasn’t this a nice party. It’s too bad we didn’t have a chance to talk. Anyway, see you next time”.

So, this is pretty much my pattern when I attend “social events”:
a) I Arrive. Mostly listen to others. Say little.
b) I feel awkward when others leave, as talking to them for the first time at the event when they are leaving, feels awkward.
c) I feel awkward when I leave, as talking to someone for the first time at the event when I am leaving, feels awkward.

Just curious if anyone else experiences something similar.

I have a hard time saying goodbye properly. Sometimes I make a total fool on myself on these occasions.

Yes, I have a difficult time telling when conversations are over, so it is always awkward.

I try hard to avoid parties that have large numbers of people, which makes the goodbyes easier. If I do get dragged to a biggie, I tend to feel that it's OK to ignore saying goodbye to most of them, I just focus on the ones I particularly like if they happen to be nearby, or if they're nearby and seem to be looking at me and kind of inviting a "goodbye" via their body language, and then I figure that'll have to do. If I do make a few people feel snubbed like that, well, I didn't much like them in the first place, so no harm done there. But I don't think most people would even notice, let alone expect me to bend over backwards to do the ritual with them. It's not as if it's my ambition to make everybody my buddy, and if I pretend I'm head over heels in love with the entire human race, I'm pretty much inviting them to pester me, and I wouldn't want that.

I don't have much of a problem with hello and goodbye if it's a small group or an individual. If I like them, I'll probably use the goodbye as a chance to say something like "see you on Friday at the music club." You know, the "when shall we meet again?" thing. I like saying something like "nice seeing you" or "thanks for the cupcakes" as long as it's the truth. I might even manage a faint smile and brief eye contact on a good day.

I don't actually say "goodbye" as such, I prefer "take care."

"Hello" is rather easier, if I see somebody and we catch each other's eyes, I'll just say "hi," with a vaguely bright facial expression, but nothing too fake. I might ask "how're you doing?" but I've noticed people don't often reply to that, so I don't know why I bother. If I dislike somebody, I usually pretend I haven't noticed them.

I don't know that there's ever a point where a conversation is definitively over. Usually I'm keen to get away before I make an idiot of myself.

If it's a group in which I'm likely to end up doing little but listening, I'd be very reluctant to go there in the first place. If people don't want to give me a speaking part, stuff 'em.

I have a problem with knowing when it would be a good time to say goodbye. Especially when other people are talking because I feel like I would be interrupting them. There's also times like at work or something where someone would say that they are going to be leaving. Sometimes I say bye after they tell me that, but they would still be there 5 minutes later and it makes me feel kind of silly.

If I am masking, I say something like "it was nice meeting/talking/seeing you!" If I amn't masking (at home or if the event lasted beyond my two-hour limited), I just wander away from the group discussion and that's that.

In those situations I try to become as invisible as possible. Though I'm sure having a wife and kids would make that more difficult lol.

I went to my brothers wedding years ago, he was marrying his second wife. After the ceremony she came up to me and thanked me for being there, then hugged me. She was quiet like me so we had hardly ever talked to each other, talk about awkward.

Often.

1.) If it's a normal situation and I'm talking to someone, like on the phone, we tend to interrupt each other when the conversation starts wrapping up and then we end up saying goodbye about two or three different ways after a bit more conversation, and then we're finally both relieved once we hit the "real" goodbye.

2.) If it's a big party and I can manage to track down the host or hostess, I will thank them for the party and say goodbye. If the host or hostess seems to be crowded around with other people, talking to those other people, and not making eye contact with me, I just leave, knowing that I would have said goodbye if they would have acknowledged my presence.

3) If it's a Star Trek event, it's likely that I'll be dressed in character as Q ... So I can make a grand entrance or grand exit if I choose, or else sneak out, and it's all good.

...

Yes, a lot.

I almost said "I love you" to the waitress on the way out of the restaurant. I have no romantic or any other feelings for her. I have no idea what I was thinking. She said, "Have a good day." and I responded, "Bye, I lov..." I stopped right there. We both realized I was going to say "I love you." I put my head down and quickly went straight for the door. Too bad because that was my favorite restaurant.

I am exactly the same way, plus I usually want to slip away early without anyone noticing.

Also what you said about not having talked to someone at all, until either you or they are leaving...yep, me too. And some people will try to make up for it by dragging out the goodbye into a conversation, which makes me feel trapped.

I rarely go to any kind of gathering where it might become a problem though.



Maybe what you were thinking is that you love the restaurant, not her.

I totally understand because I have done things like that. Sometimes it's like my brain glitches and mixes up different scripts. And sometimes words come out that just don't make any sense.

The other day instead of saying "how are you?" I started saying "how much are you?" lol There were lots of people talking so fortunately I don't think anyone heard me.

Sometimes I have almost blurted out to people that I love them, when I do have feelings of affection for them, but where it would be wildly inappropriate to say it like that and might get taken the wrong way. And what I really mean might be something like thank you so much for doing that nice thing for me. But it's like my brain just locks in on the simplest phrase it can find to express something.

I guess this is a common thing with us. I am notorious for sneaking out of a gathering without being seen. Even here at the transitional shelter, at the rare times I eat in the dining room, when I finish I simply get up and escape as unobtrusively as possible. Saying goodbye is just difficult for me and I'd rather not bother with it.

I just say Bye to the people who say they're leaving when I'm around even if we never chat. & I just tell the group Bye when it's my turn to leave instead of saying individual goodbyes unless someone tells me something & then I say Bye to them.

I won't go out of my way to interrupt a conversation at all, because it's rude. I would be understanding if someone left me without saying goodbye if I was also engaged in a conversation.

I am fortunate that my close friends know I'm autistic and as such make allowances for behavior that others would consider rude, because they understand I did not intend to be rude, nor did I believe I was being rude.

If other people are busy talking, I would just try to catch their eye and wave and maybe call out "bye" or "see ya." But if they are really engaged in the conversation and don't notice then I just leave.

Depends on the situation. I've mastered ending conversations that have an objective to them. Thank them for whatever, start backing away, turn around while waving goodbye. Casual conversations? Yeah, I'm pretty terrible at them in general. Unless it's basic chit chat because I've gotten pretty good at scripts and conversation patterns (Saw what you posted on social media, the weather, etc). Usually I end up awkwardly prematurely walking away without saying a definitive goodbye.

I don't go out of my way to say goodbye to people. Only people I've just finished having a conversation with. I'd only seek out the host at a party to say goodbye.

yes,both hello & goodbye. its cos we have no social graces. never learned. bad genes or bad parenting or both?..