CAN I HYPER FOCUS AUTISIM AWAY

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CAN I HYPER FOCUS AUTISIM AWAY
by James Huston


By the introduction to my essay any logical human being, especially associated with aspersers, could easily deduce that I myself have a form of autism. While this is true as evidence of psychological diagnosis I often find myself wondering whether or not my case has changed. I was diagnosed at the age 16 with high functioning autism and later more permanently labeled with the title of Aspersers Syndrome. I had a severely reclusive and nerdy childhood to say the least. Further more I did so badly in school that my parents consistently feared that I would never graduate high school. The question is how does a man of that description evolve over the course of six years to some one who graduated college two years early, wrote an un-published book, and gathered a crew to make a film? My only answer is that I am effectively no longer autistic.

People who meet me usually think I am normal if not a little eccentric. Growing up I was as weird as a cartoon character, and my theme music matched that of the Twighlight Zone. The turning point in my life came when I became interested in story telling. In middle school I played around with relatively simplistic video game building programs such as Game Builder, MUGEN, and RPG Maker 2000. Years later in high school I found the processes of building video games to be ill fitted for my particular set of skills. It was in the tenth grade that I began to write. The following year I took story telling serious. As a writer one needs a lot of skills and education. I suddenly realized my recent years of continual dismissal of great education. Suddenly I needed to learn, and I hyper focused to make my passion for story telling come alive. At first I had private lessons in creative writing, and I began to read more then I ever had in my entire life. Then I realized I wanted to get into a good college. It was in my final year of high school, much to the surprise of my parents, that I started excelling in all academic classes.

My 180 degree flip in life direction had drastically altered my intelligence. However, heading into college I was still the sugar addicted Spock of my past. In layman’s terms that meant I was still a bit eccentric and definitely anti-social. Funnily enough it was only in college that I found my life’s calling as a director. I was once more filled with the insatiable desire to hyper focus on what ever I needed to focus on in order to become a good director. Much as my writing in high school had caused a chain reaction in learning I found the same true for directing. I became engrossed in directing actors. From that I began to memorize facial expressions, vocal inflections, and body language. I also worked on public speaking and leadership. From leadership I became interested in philosophy. From philosophy I became interested in science. Until finally I became convinced that my fate was to specialize science fiction films with underlining philosophical themes.

It is not uncommon that people with Aspersers tend to hyper focus on one subject or one field. I have learned to network and socialize because I feel it will make me a better director. The hyper focus of my life is directing. So now I have come to a cross road in my life.

Popular opinion of me indicates no awareness of any kind of social disorder. Am I merely hiding it so well that no one can tell? The fact is I have developed to such a point that I am no longer on the autistic spectrum. With relative objectiveness I can say that any problems I have at social occasions or with women are best associated with my years of social reclusiveness and the social skills that I didn’t develop as a result.

It would appear that I must face the reality that I have become normal. While I have spent the more recent years of my life hyper-focusing on my own improvements the world has spent the better part of the last century hyper-focusing on singling out and labeling members of society. It is arguable that we have our problems because we believe them, and it is also arguable that many of us don’t because we have been provided with the tools to overcome those issues. My personal argument is that society should no longer obsess of it’s little flaws and fain a blind eye to the bigger problems. Besides, through our imperfections we seek triumph. Without triumph there is no need for joy.


This is all I have to say on that particular subject. As a side note my efforts as a director include reaching out to perspective crew members. If you have interest and skill as an animator, voice actor, sound design artist, or various other abilities know that I might be able to use you on my current or future crew, especially if you reside within Toronto, ON.

I am unsure how to vote but I know how to answer the question.

I believe that in my case it is possible to compensate for my autistic traits.

As autism seems to be neurological, I suspect that the traits are permanent but if I can compensate, loose the anxiety (oh yes) and fool NT's, then I really dont care about that.

Wait... You're hyper focusing? And how are you with non-verbal communication? If the answers to those questions are as I predict, then guess what: Yes, you are.

I think that theatre was my ticket to being high functioning.

I started acting lessons in children's theatre at age 7. I learned about how to control my instrument--projection, modulation. I learned about gesture and movement. I use these learned skills in daily life, and in many ways, they help me pass.

So, does my AS present an impediment? I argue that it does. If it were not for these skills, I would have a lot of difficulty functioning--just because I have a coping mechanism does not mean that the dysfunction is gone--merely compensated for. And there are many aspects of my life that my performance skills cannot help: I am still easily distracted; socially withdrawn; I still stim; my gaze is firmly fixed on the sidewalk when I walk; I can barely utter, "Thank You" at an audible level when someone holds the door for me, etc. etc.

One of the acid tests for me is that I am incapable of improvisation. I can perform just about anything from a script (I think AS actually makes me a better performer, because I am more willing to take risks within a known framework)--but as soon as I have to make something up on the spot, I am incapable of verbalizing it. Even breaking the fourth wall is very difficult for me.

At the end of the day, I can stand up in front of a room and deliver a performance. But I know that I am still on the autism spectrum.

True that I hyper-focus. That would be a positive attribute of autism that I retain. I am very skilled at reading non-verbal skills, but projecting them is a little more difficult... I find practicing in front of a mirror helps to simulate my non-verbal responses... you are right though I will always have to think about what non-verbal response to send. It will never be natural. Also I am still hopeless with women, and have much to learn about flirting.

Still, in the eyes of the general public I am effectively normal. Most people I work for, new friends, and even people at social gatherings have had a hard time being convinced that I am an Aspy.

Unless you are asking these people if they think (or would have guessed that) you are an Aspie how do you know for sure that you are passing for normal?

I am not disagreeing with your assertion, which may well be true.

If you really have managed to pull this off, well done

Hello fellow Canadian,

I think that you should take a "small step backwards" and observe whether YOU THINK you have become "normal", or whether the people that have come to know you have adapted to treat you as normal. It is possible that you were miss-diagnosed, but it's also possible that you don't actually understand how you appear to others.

I am in my mid twenties, so when I was young in my area there was nothing known about AS. It was suggested to my parents as a "possibility," but there were no tests or experts to confirm a diagnosis of mild autism. I now know that to be the case, but through my teens I experienced a lot of negative confrontations and didn't know what was wrong with me.

At the time, and even now- one of my interests was the human brain, and consequently the human mind, so I found myself willing to discover and understand every type of human behaviour. I put A LOT of effort into observing people, and using trail and error, relating to people to seem more sociable.

I managed to get to the point where I can show up at a job interview and "FAKE NORMAL" friendly blond haired girl. But..... once I get hired, when I'm under stress, I can no longer be an actor on a stage, and my faking falls apart. I can't "fake normal" with my script and THINK at the same time. I can't have both.

Basically, what I'm saying is... You may think you seem totally normal, because you managed to work hard to blend in, but... to others you may still seem a little "strange", "off", "different", etc. and not realize that.

I've come to terms that I can never escape the autistic parts of me. No matter what I do, how much I practice "acting" my way through a situation- I still have an autistic brain that can't function normally in the end.

By the way, I am also interested in film and photography and hope to get into the business myself one day. It's a very tough field to break into, I wish you luck.

autisim
perminent
aspersers

Am I the only one to see these spelt different ways in this thread?

Congratulations on your accomplishments, James.

If I understand correctly you think you are no longer autistic because you "graduated college two years early, wrote an un-published book, and gathered a crew to make a film". In other words, you are no longer autistic because you are a success.

It is not a popular fact among some on this board, but there are many extremely accomplished autists. Vernon Smith won a Nobel prize and openly discusses his autism, as does Tim Page who won a Pulitzer - to name just two who acknowledge publicly their AS.

As for people not recognizing that you have a "social disorder", you can have fairly unusual behavior and still not be viewed as having a disorder. Heck, there are diagnosed autists whose own families refuse to recognize their condition! So no surprise there for me.

Anyway, best of luck with your future endeavors.

After what everyone else has said I think it is more accurate and more appropriate to redefine my statement. I feel I no longer am burdened by the negative aspects of Asperger’s Syndrome. It is now a great source of strength for me.

I think that's a statement that will generate more consensus.

I've got social skills like anyone else at this point. That's normal for aspies. Plus, you've clearly demonstrated that you retain your autistic traits.

I don't get your point James.

I have Asperger. I have a pretty good work, I've a theoretical-physics doc at 23 years, I've wrote essay, I've some friend and can team-work with my co-worker, I'm actually managing many projects. I've a wife and a daughter. I can go to cinema, shopping-center and I went also to disco. I can act normally, I can understand body language, and I'm enough skilled to that and understanding people that many guys call me "mentalist" or "manipulative".

I still have Asperger. I was simply able to "over-cope" my problems with that and you are probably doing the same. As you already stated, you are "playing" with people, you understand body-language and similar NT features with brain and not with instinct. You, like me, are working in "emulation-mode".

A good scientist can understand dogs behavior better than dogs theirselves but that doesn't make him a dog, he is still a human who can understand dogs.