So criticizing is both good/bad??? I'm confused??!

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We've tried new food recipes and my family want my opinion but I nicely say it's good or it's ok. Yet when I comment on usual everyday food that we have and say it's not cooked right or something like that my family gets mad at me. UH!? So it's ok if it's a new recipe but if something you usually make doesn't look/taste right I'm not supposed to say anything??? That IMO seems odd. Can anyone relate??

As a mother of sometimes picky kids, I tell you that if you are not doing the cooking, you should not do the criticizing. You should not criticize when you are at someone else's house. Just eat it and shut up if you can't say something nice about it or appreciate the labor that went into it.
I know I am being harsh on you, and I'm sorry about that, but you need to know that it is never good to criticize the cook.

Z. likely they want an answer to the new stuff as feedback.

The other may be related to a daughter/ son living at home when several years past the 'teen years.'

Parents can look at someone in their 20's as living off of them, and even if you offer to pay your way, or are indeed paying rent.

If I recall right, you have parents that clash with you on most everything that you do.

I guess the difference is that you were asked for your opinion on the new recipes, and of course that you made an approving comment. When you commented on the usual fare, you weren't asked and you said something negative. I can understand that your family took that as lack of appreciation for their time and effort in the kitchen.

Generally, it's considered rude to say things like "that's rubbish!", but it's appreciated if you give constructive feedback such as "that would do with a bit more pepper" or whatever.

Personally if I cook something and people think it's rubbish I'd like them to tell me what I can improve for next time.

Commenting on the way the food is cooked NOT criticizing the cook. No one should ever be expected to "just eat it and shut up" if they don't like the food. I personally would not say anything, unless it I am with family, but I am not going to eat the food either if it is not cooked properly.

Criticizing the cook would be saying something like "you're a bad cook" or "you always make bad pasta." But saying the pasta is undercooked is not criticizing the person who cooked it. If you get offended by that, you're talking things way too personally.

Dianthus, you might be right.

Well, it might depend how you word it. People get touchy if they think you're personally attacking them, since they've invested themselves emotionally into that meal. I find that most people are fine with criticism, anyway. I welcome it, because I want to make food as delicious as possible, and I'd rather not be ignorant of any improvements I could make.

You can get clarity on this issue if you start doing some of the cooking in your home. There's good reason for all family members to partake in the household work load.

Start cooking; commit to preparing one dinner for the family every week. This will inform you directly about criticism of the food as the cook.

^ This.

For example, you could lead with a question and end with a compliment. Like: "Did you use different spices today? This tastes a bit different than usual. Not really bad, kind of interesting actually. But to be honest, I liked it better the way you made it the last time, that was delicious".

I have to admit though that I wouldn't think of something like this in real life and real time I'd probably be too honest too if I was in a bad mood. Otherwise I'd bite my tongue and don't say anything.

That's also great advice imho. Everyone should be able to cook. Sooner or later you'll get into a situation where you have to prepare your own meals.

Ugh, I hate it when people talk to me that way. It feels patronizing. I'd rather they just come right out with it and say they don't like it or whatever.

In my teens I made a rule for myself that do not criticize people unless they ask for your opinion. But of course it took me a while to learn that it's okay to critique stories or artwork or videos that are posted online without them asking for your opinion. The whole point is to help them be better writers, artists, video makers but there is a different between flames and constructive criticism. I think it should be the same with food.

I prefer brutal honesty too, but NTs usually don't At least not in my experience. NTs are very diplomatic (unless they're trying to be hurtful on purpose) and expect the same diplomatic skills from others.

I prefer directness, it does not have to be brutal. For instance a person saying they don't like what they are eating, or don't want to eat it is not brutal honesty. It's just being direct.

I can be very diplomatic, but it takes a lot of concentration.

It's not what you say, it's how you say it that's important. Learn the difference between negative criticism and constructive criticism.

For example:
Don't say "the soup is bland."
Do say "the soup is good, but you know what would make it even better? A dash of cinnamon!"