Do people stick their noses into your business?

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Cockroach96
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12 Jul 2015, 3:24 am

It has happened to me a lot.

Here's an example:

In school, a classmate harassed me for carrying around my school bag all the time(I wanted to make sure nobody steals it or searches it). I told him that it's not his business what I do with my things. Then he told me to kill myself.


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starfox
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12 Jul 2015, 3:45 am

You should smack him hard around the head for that. Such disrespect!


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BirdInFlight
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12 Jul 2015, 4:39 am

I can't leave or enter my apartment building without some nosy f**k asking me where I'm going or where I've been.

I get that to some people's that's just idle chitchat and maybe they don't mean anything by it. But in my building -- actually they do. They seriously try to find out any bit of info about someone so that they can gossip. I'm not paranoid, it's fully known in the building. I'd do anything to move but I'm not able to financially and still stay in the area I like.



HighLlama
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12 Jul 2015, 6:34 am

BirdInFlight wrote:
I can't leave or enter my apartment building without some nosy f**k asking me where I'm going or where I've been.

I get that to some people's that's just idle chitchat and maybe they don't mean anything by it. But in my building -- actually they do. They seriously try to find out any bit of info about someone so that they can gossip. I'm not paranoid, it's fully known in the building. I'd do anything to move but I'm not able to financially and still stay in the area I like.


Yes, unfortunately many people seem to only find their identities in comparing themselves to others. Your situation is very annoying, though it's such common behavior. I used to run into that a bit in an apartment I used to live in. Once, several of the buildings got bed bugs. An elderly couple below me was talking to a woman my age about this, and speculating that I gave her bed bugs since they saw us talking one night when we had to go outside due to the fire alarms going off. It turns out that the woman my age brought bed bugs from another building to the one we all lived in when she switched. For some reason the elderly couple decided to create some whole story around me, though. Not quite the same as chit chat, but it's so frustrating how people try to create some version of you based almost on nothing, which seems to be what they're doing in your case, potentially.



steelysunshine
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12 Jul 2015, 6:40 am

Yes, all the time. Not as much now that it's just me and my significant other and our dog. We live in a house so it's not like our neighbors are as privy to our comings and goings. Still, people make comments on things that seem very rude to me. But, then I think most personal questions are rude.



BirdInFlight
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12 Jul 2015, 7:03 am

HighLlama wrote:

For some reason the elderly couple decided to create some whole story around me, though. Not quite the same as chit chat, but it's so frustrating how people try to create some version of you based almost on nothing, which seems to be what they're doing in your case, potentially.


Oh yes, that, exactly! That's what happens in my building too -- there is a large core of the tenants here who gather in a common room and who live to create gossip even if they have to make it up out of thin air, or from very little information.

I was even warned about this when I moved in -- by one of the people who turned out to be one of the worst gossipers! He said don't tell anyone anything or they will take it and turn it around against you. I didn't take him seriously at the time, because fortunately I'd never lived in a place where that had ever been a problem, until now!

Now, just last week, this same guy expressed irritation at how private I am. He actually said to my face: "You're so secretive, everyone here thinks you're a serial killer."

:x :cry: :x :cry:

That actually wounded me quite deeply. I thought that was a horrible, malicious thing to say to anyone. I'm ALWAYS sweet, smiling, polite and friendly to these people even though I can't stand them and I know they're backstabbers. There's nothing about me that would say "serial killer" --- EXCEPT that I like to keep myself to myself, I value old fashioned privacy, and I wish with all my heart that these people would do the same for me.

They all visit each other and are always dropping in on each other's apartments/flats -- as an introvert and an aspie that's my worst nightmare. My home is my sanctuary I fall into exhausted every day. But just because I don't want to be disturbed, the serial killer thing is what they think of me? That's horrible.

They don't know I'm on the spectrum and there's a reason why I'm "friendly but not social." However, if they knew I think the gossip about me would be even worse.



HighLlama
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12 Jul 2015, 7:23 am

I hate that "serial killer" comment. I used to get that in high school. Kids would try to "jokingly" tease you and treat you like an outsider, then joke that you would kill or hurt them in response. I hate that need people have to bother you, then joke about it to make themselves feel okay. When I think I'm bugging someone, I stop doing what I think is bothering them. I don't make jokes about how I annoyed I think they are.

Plus, someone who is a serial killer is probably more likely to be amiable and avoid doing anything which looks suspicious. People never realize this.



DevilKisses
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12 Jul 2015, 7:28 am

When I was in school all the time. I often got stressed out by school and it would show. I often walked around listening to music and tuning out the environment. That is my way of coping with stress.

A lot of people thought it was their duty to ask me if I'm okay. It annoyed the hell out of me, especially if I was having a full on shutdown. When I had a full on shut down all I did was sit down and look into empty space. I didn't rock or hum, so I wasn't disturbing anyone. Apperently that still freaks out nosy NT teachers enough to ask me if I'm okay or what class I'm in. I also have a bit of a lazy eye. Maybe that freaks NTs out.

Shutdowns actually feel good for me. I just can't communicate that well, so I don't have the "correct" body language. Wish they could just ignore my body language and accept my yes. I'm so glad I'm not in high school anymore, hopefully no one will ever ask me if I'm okay again. Unless it looks like I have an actual injury.


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nick007
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13 Jul 2015, 9:01 pm

I was bullied alot when I was little but they didn't exactly stick their noses in my business. They tended to ignore me or pick on me instead of worrying about what I was doing.


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ToughDiamond
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14 Jul 2015, 7:57 pm

No they haven't stuck their noses into my business much at all. I also somehow managed to dodge most of the bullying at school and work. I don't know how I managed to steer clear of all that stuff, or I'd tell you. Maybe I was just lucky.



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14 Jul 2015, 9:13 pm

Most people ignore me. The rest seem to have very little time for me unless they want something from me.

It seems that I don't have enough "business" for them to stick their noses into it.



nick007
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14 Jul 2015, 9:18 pm

I do my business in the bathroom with the door closed & i flush afterwards so no one has a chance to stick their noses in it & I seriously doubt anyone would want to anyways :lol:


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