Desperately needing structure
16 Jul 2015, 10:16 am
Like most people on the autism spectrum, I thrive on structure and routine. At the moment, I am job searching and I'm finding it very difficult to cope.
My home situation is very chaotic as I am currently between two cities, trying to move back home with my family until I can find a stable job. My family members work shifts and tend not to live by a routine, but rather do whatever they feel needs done on that particular day. I try to hand in CV's, fill in application forms, update social networking, etc, but there's so many different jobsites and places I am encouraged to advertise myself that I'm finding the whole process confusing. Plus, I am currently being assessed for Employment and Support Allowance (in the UK) and I'm finding that process very stressful because I never know when I'm getting a letter to let me know when I am getting an appointment and I don't know what to do if they don't think I am eligible for it. I would probably just be on jobseekers' allowance, however I'm terrified I'll get sanctioned and not get any support for my disability. I don't know how to prepare for that.
I tried building a timetable around job searching and updating my portfolio, but I don't know where to begin and how to structure my days. How do I plan for when something interferes with my plans? How to I know what to do on that particular day? I've always found making timetables very stressful because I often find it difficult to know how to make the best use of my time and oftentimes I overestimate what I can actually do. I know about the pomodoro technique and I know that I should make lists and schedules, but I just don't know how to start and how to prepare for the worst. It makes me feel very anxious.
What can I do to create structure and routine when my life is so chaotic and unpredictable?
16 Jul 2015, 6:20 pm
You need to focus before you should try to manage your "time", managed your 'things' before 'time' as well..
There are a lot of jobsites to manage, yes. There's obviously a lot on your plate, you need to focus on the ones that you think have the most important qualities/highest impact. Sometimes you'll be wrong, sometimes you'll be right. Navigating the world and finding jobs is all trial and error from what I understand. Stop trying to do everything, simplify to the point where its comfortable.. not where its barely manageable.
I've never been great at making time tables (or following them), I actually have really poor time management skills but I will plan things weeks in advance for the sake of it.. so I can take my time planning and doing things.. Of course not everything works out, I can't move as fast as the world/society. My brain can't comprehend everything happening, I need time to adjust to things that most people wouldn't really need time to adjust to..
I often make the bigger/important things the first priority, and move on down a physically written list as goals are met. Lists are much more comprehensive and much less limiting to me, if I were living by restricting the time I spent on something.. I'd probably go completely mad (I already arrive to my job, family things, and other appointments thirty minutes or more early.. how much more crazy do I need to get?)
Just make a list.
The rules of lists (very lose btw, this is a list and this is comforting to me)..
1. tell yourself that the list's order doesn't matter unless you want it to.
2. And then tell yourself that its okay if you need a break from doing it (burning yourself out will make things very difficult).
3. And then you also tell yourself that you will at least be able to mark one thing off the list each day unless that thing does require more than one day to do it.
4. Do not set any time restrictions on yourself until you feel comfortable doing that, we know that time basically rules all but quickly doing things (sloppy) or not doing things at all (due to lack of ability to focus/organize/ground yourself/etc) does not often give good results. Taking your time is better than not.
I usually wait for the next Monday to start doing newly planned things (dont be like me), but doing what you feel like on certain days isn't a bad thing to do. If you think today is the day you make your portfolio better, then try it out. If not, move to another thing. Find the structure in each activity, not the entire thing (even thought that is very difficult, I know).
Prepping for the worst takes more time and energy than just doing what you should, if things fall through the world isn't as horribly fast as you might think it is. We are humans, its likely you will be able to correct things before they get out of hand (unless you let them, or otherwise have no control over it).
17 Jul 2015, 7:40 pm
There are a lot of jobsites to manage, yes. There's obviously a lot on your plate, you need to focus on the ones that you think have the most important qualities/highest impact. Sometimes you'll be wrong, sometimes you'll be right. Navigating the world and finding jobs is all trial and error from what I understand. Stop trying to do everything, simplify to the point where its comfortable.. not where its barely manageable.
I've never been great at making time tables (or following them), I actually have really poor time management skills but I will plan things weeks in advance for the sake of it.. so I can take my time planning and doing things.. Of course not everything works out, I can't move as fast as the world/society. My brain can't comprehend everything happening, I need time to adjust to things that most people wouldn't really need time to adjust to..
I often make the bigger/important things the first priority, and move on down a physically written list as goals are met. Lists are much more comprehensive and much less limiting to me, if I were living by restricting the time I spent on something.. I'd probably go completely mad (I already arrive to my job, family things, and other appointments thirty minutes or more early.. how much more crazy do I need to get?)
Just make a list.
The rules of lists (very lose btw, this is a list and this is comforting to me)..
1. tell yourself that the list's order doesn't matter unless you want it to.
2. And then tell yourself that its okay if you need a break from doing it (burning yourself out will make things very difficult).
3. And then you also tell yourself that you will at least be able to mark one thing off the list each day unless that thing does require more than one day to do it.
4. Do not set any time restrictions on yourself until you feel comfortable doing that, we know that time basically rules all but quickly doing things (sloppy) or not doing things at all (due to lack of ability to focus/organize/ground yourself/etc) does not often give good results. Taking your time is better than not.
I usually wait for the next Monday to start doing newly planned things (dont be like me), but doing what you feel like on certain days isn't a bad thing to do. If you think today is the day you make your portfolio better, then try it out. If not, move to another thing. Find the structure in each activity, not the entire thing (even thought that is very difficult, I know).
Prepping for the worst takes more time and energy than just doing what you should, if things fall through the world isn't as horribly fast as you might think it is. We are humans, its likely you will be able to correct things before they get out of hand (unless you let them, or otherwise have no control over it).
This is really useful and reassuring. I feel better knowing that its okay to not always get it right. I often worry whether I am doing enough or doing what I should be doing, so this is really good advice, thanks!
I used to carry a spiral notepad when I was at school and writes loads of lists. But if I apply your advice, I could carry around the pad and then make a master plan every week.
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