Living in the living room is very stressful for me

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since january 2011 to today, i have been stuck living in the living room. i live in a two bedroom apartment but the problem is that my sister and her boyfriend are using up the two bedrooms.

i would like to have a bedroom or at least have the boyfreind move out and me move in but i feel its rude yet i feel it would help me because

-i cant stand the feelings i get when im in the living room.

-i have been hearing that stupid voice of condemnation whenever i am in too many social situations or under stress

-i cant seem to be alone even when my sister and her boyfriend go into their rooms

-there's a really big window in the living room with those tunable curtains. i try to point them to where no one can see me but light will come in but i still feel uncomfortable because i feel they can still see me. even if i fully close them.

the main reason why i want a bedroom is because its a CLOSED SPACE which means that when ever im in those kind of spaces i can simply contain myself and vent, sing, pray, or do my everyday stuff in that closed space. and i want to live in one no borrow one.

as of this righting im starting to lose the mood to play some games, study, do some chores (even though i force myself to do so), and im also cringing (or twitching to bad thoughts and ideas) along with anger and aggression.

not try to convert anyone but now being the salty christian i am i:

-read the bible

-listen to some christian gospel (and sing along for the giggles of it but also helps)

- and pray....alot. (like make alot of mini prayers)

now this does help but then i end up doing it more and more because i get this feeling of energy coming in (again not trying to convert anyone) but then i feel like it runs out to quick. sometimes doing chores (or staying busy) does help,but it sometimes gets really worse most of the time and sometimes i would end up getting out of it trying to stay happy just so i wont lose brain cells....well at least that's what i heard from a science video.

so am i being a wussy about it? or is this serious?

btw i thought i might add that i have been having some very violent thoughts that i had no intentions of thinking of but they just got thought up of anyway but they would be thoughts of killing the boyfriend (which i know that will take me to jail and also get me in trouble with god) or committing suicide (by standing in front of a city bus and letting it run over me but i just don't have the guts to and i also choose not to do because then i would go to hell for it)

just thought i might share these thoughts with you to help you with any questions you might have. i have no intentions of doing what my thoughts are telling me to do since i feel as if a certain supernatural or certain someone thing askdfhak is trying to take my mind under their control.

i pray to god everything i said actually made some sense.

Seems like it's time to move out. Even if you just find another apartment with different roommates.

i guess i will have to then. thank you for replying

btw if there's anyone else that has an answer ill read them as well but VIDEODROME gave me some advice that i think would be best for me so ill take his

I'm not surprised that you're finding living in the living room very stressful. You need to have your own personal, private space, and you've been having to deal with this unsatisfactory situation for a long time now.

If moving out and finding your own place is do-able, then I'd definately recommend it. If you want to continue to share with your sister and her boyfriend would it be possible to move to a three bedroom flat? That way you wouldn't have to go it alone or find new people to share with.

As for your thoughts of violence against yourself and the boyfriend - do you have a minister or priest, or someone from your church that you can speak with in confidence about this? Being able to share your stresses and feelings with someone who respects you and your need for confidentiality may help.

Or suggest you may move into the bathroom.

GAK USES VIDEODROMES ADVICE!

IT WAS INEFFECTIVE!

as for the preist thing, i would try that. i also did have a therapist but i lost insurance so i can no longer see him.

Sounds awkward. As a fellow aspie Christian I totally get why you need an enclosed space to do God stuff privacy, but I think your own space is important anyway. It's also advocate moving out when you can find something suitable.

I would have the same problem. I need an enclosed area, too.

i understand you, i even find being in the living room for a few hours stressful.
i guess you would wanna move out or demand the people in your house to respect your requirements or let either one of them give you their room.

One possibility, although I don't know details of your living situation.

Some time ago my kids and I lived in a house that was short a bedroom, so I designed & built myself a "loft bed" in a corner of the living room - it was shaped much like a huge table, just the exact height that I was able to stand under it and strong enough to support my mattress, bedding, books, music, bedside stuff and myself. I could just sit up in bed, with a few inches to spare under the ceiling.

It was two sheets of plywood (had one of them cut at the building supply store), some (cut) 2x4's for around the edge, and then six 4x4's (cut to slightly longer than my height). (Edited to add: also some diagonal supports; and it really should have a ladder of some sort though mine did not. I'd be happy to custom design one for your space, so please don't use what I've written here as a complete plan; if you do, make sure it does not wobble at all, because if so, you aren't finished building it.)

I built it myself and all I needed was a screw gun (since the parts were pre cut) then I put my mattress up on top, with I think a book shelf, added a tapestry on the ceiling and curtains all around. The upper part was my "bedroom" and underneath (also curtained but usually left "ajar") was my other personal items & furniture like desk, chair, wardrobe etc.

This can be done without altering the apartment itself, for much cheaper than moving to a new place could ever be. It takes up about 6' by 8' of floor space, and for best stability should really be in a corner, and must at least, be up against one wall.

Especially if housemates are respectful, it's very much like having one's own room.

Also, not that it's any of my business, but you should be paying a smaller portion of the rent/expenses than the others are paying (who do have bedrooms) - whether you're sleeping in the living room proper, or if you were to alter the space in the way I suggested, you should still pay less than they do.