AS friend in total denial.

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(I am not using the term NT - neurotypical - to be pejorative, I'm just using it to say non-autistic)

I have an AS friend (who I met on this site) who is now in total denial about his autism.

It's got the point where he is reducing time spent with me, becasue I'm autistic and a "bad example" to copy from.

He hangs around for several hours a day with NTs, emulating them and trying to copy them, trying to BE them.

He will spend whole weekends trying to surround himself with NTs, and he rarely answers my texts (all week round, not just the weekend) and I even try to call him sometimes, and obviously he won't answer. Then he texts several hours later telling me not to "be silly" when I ask him why he communicates with everyone else freely, but ignores me a lot, and the same with my other autistic friend I met online (he used to be friends with her too but now he hasn't communicated with her since Christmas).

It's getting really stupid, his total denial (despite the fact that he's obviously autistic) and the way he is driving out all autistic connections from his life. He hasn't been on this site for ages now and has actually forgotten his password.

This guy used to be a profoundly helpful person. Now he only sees me after cancelling four times in a row, and then rushing the whole visit so he can get home sooner. We don't socialise really when we meet up. I don't do social. I don't like social. But I need his help with things. He was like a support worker to me in the past, helping me with things. Now he is trying to block me out of his life...because I'm autistic and he rejects all autism.

What can I do about this? Or should I be finding a new friend? As I said, I don't do social, so finding a friend that does what this guy and I do (meet up only when something needs fixing, something needs done, or advice is required) would be hard.

I give him advice and help too, where possible. I feel like I should just forget about him.

Him and I agreed a long time ago that our friendship was mostly functional.

I am not upset or anything like that. Just want advice on how I can fix this situation.

He helps me, I help him. We have always liked it that way.

I don't do social. Meeting up for a coffee, to see a film or calling up for a chat, never happens in my life.

What's wrong with wanting NT friends? Being able to function in mainstream society should be the goal of any autistic person. Sounds to me like he wants actual friends, not just people who use him for stuff, and you're jealous.

And there's nothing wrong with that. People get jealous sometimes. Lord knows I do. But being able to recognize our own faults is an important life skill. If someone doesn't want to hang out with you, and your first reaction is to blame them, well... that's probably why they don't want to hang out with you. Just sayin'.

No I just haven't got any other people like him. He is different to others I have known in the past.

I have asked him if he thinks I'm using him in the past (as my mum said I was) and he said no. He asks me to pay for his pizza etc when we eat out (I cannot remember the last time he paid for food we've eaten together) and he uses my taxi account to get taxis back to the station, without my consent (I often only find out when I get a confirmation email).

So I guess our friendship is pretty atypical.

I will just let him do what he wants. I'd just be stuck without him because, as I said, he helps me. I do help him in response, as my dad told me that in such situations there's "give and take".

I get really uncomfortable with friends who ask me "can we meet up and go for a walk together?" or "call me if you want a chat", I end up just ignoring their messages. My psychiatrist said I might have Social Anxiety.

My mum is very social. I have to see her once a week to make her happy and it often involves me meditating beforehand and taking extra meds to cope with socialising. And even then, I don't say much and let her do all the talking.

Actually yes I shouldn't have derided him for hanging out with NT friends. That was wrong of me. I am not good at understanding social nuances and rules. I apologise.

What can you do about this?

Nothing.

It's his life, let him live it the way he chooses.

This is a point where I need to learn how to be more self sufficient. I will get a job one day, I need to learn skills on how to do certain things without help.

Maybe he is not getting much out of you opposed to that he was doing things for you.

I usually stop being friends with those who are useless for me. And I am very self sufficient. So I don't need those kind of friendships.

It's very easy nowadays to learn to fix or build things just from informations available online. Once you start fixing things yourself, it will come easier.

you are using the crab mentality and want him to be in your same misery. I understand this is the only kind of friendships you can have. I used to be friends with other subhumans as a teen, one in particular was my favourite because he hated when our other friends hanged around neurotypicals, and we said exactly that they were trying to "emulate" and they weren't being themselves. If I could go back in time, I'd kick myself in the mouth for saying such hateful garbage to people I now care about (in my teens, I was much much much more aspie than now and I don't think I could feel love or respect for anyone because it was a "gay" feeling in my head).

You are butthurt. You should support your friend that obviously doesn't have autism. Let him free and don't dare to sabotage him just because of your egoistical reasons. You will never be able to emulate NTs of course, you need to accept a life of permanent loneliness, that's what autism is about. Get diagnosed if you didn't, I think it helps enormously to "stay at your place".

It seems the agreement you guys made no longer suits him. He will probably go in a different direction entirely. As for you, perhaps you can find someone else? Have you ever looked into befriending and being befriended? They are like volunteer aides/some to hang out with.