Page 1 of 1 [ 2 posts ] 

brandonb1312
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 23 Jul 2015
Age: 34
Posts: 215
Location: Texas

31 Jul 2015, 12:17 am

So I am in the process of getting in to test for aspergers via my school (i am 15). But I am beginning to doubt I am impaired enough to have aspergers or hfa. I do believe I have nvld (non verbal learning disorder) as math, (especially geomentry) science, generally understanding bigger concepts, and anything that involves motor skills or visual spacial skills I just absolutely crash and burn at. I have always had a hard time making friends and talking to people but I don't think it's at the same level as people with aspergers. I would be content with just nvld if it wasn't for a couple things. I stim, when I am excited I flap my hands, I also will rub my hands on my keyboard and other various things. I also have a unusual ability to focus on something I am interested in for long periods of time. If I am really interested in something I have to know everything about it. I often look at wikipedia pages of music albums and I listen to music constantly. When I was kid it was space. I knew all of the planets orders and would go to the library and learn about them. When I got a little older it was conspiracy theories (I still find those quite interesting now I just don't spend everyday thinking about them). I do find politics, gaming and technology interesting as well. I also am sensitive to people touching me, some loud noises, (more so multiple noises going at the same time) and some bright lights. The things I have just mentioned cannot be explained by nvld and are often attributed to aspergers syndrome. While I do have difficulty making friends and some difficulty knowing the right thing to say or do, I do not believe it is impaired to the level of someone with aspergers. I have spent hours upon hours (hell probably days at this point) researching about aspie symptoms and I just can't say I am like that. I can't speak for myself when I was younger but now at 15 years old I know I don't constantly talk about my interests (I actually don't really talk about them at all unless I know the other person is interested or shares the interest). I can usually tell when people are mad, sad, happy etc and I don't feel like I don't know how to read other peoples facial expressions and gestures, I took a couple tests online and it said I had a average ability to read people (though sometimes knowing how to react to them in the heat of the moment can be a bit difficult). I have a sense of humor and while I am in class if I have a small group of friends in that class they usually finds me funny (while the rest of the class more often than not finds me obnoxious, annoying, and hyper). If I don't have friends in a class I will usually just be silent and shy, but the point is my humor is more sophisticated than what you would expect of someone with aspergers. While I sometimes have mild trouble getting sarcasm/exaggerations or figurative language in general but I usually can get it and use it naturally. My sense of humor is kind of describe as like "just don't give a f*** humor", I find shows like South Park funny. Most of my conversations are two way conversations. Hell I sometimes get a little annoyed when I see people talking to someone and clearly the other person does not care about what there saying. When ever I told people that I thought I might have aspergers they would all say "there's no way you have aspergers" and sometimes I would get "I knew such and such with AS and your nothing like them". I have watched shows and seen various videos of people with or depicted to have aspergers and based on what I have seen if I have it, I definitely have it mild (except for Hank from Parenthood, I could relate to him A LOT).
Despite all of that I do have some social difficulties...
My honesty can piss people off sometimes (though I DO have a filter and have a pretty okay understanding of if what I say will come across as rude) and lying makes me feel uncomfortable (sometimes I will tell things that are true and leave out the part that I don't want them to know about). Saying things like "please" "thank you" "hi! how are you?" feel forced and make me feel uncomfortable, it's not that I am not thankful or not curious of how they are it just feels weird for whatever reason for me to say it. I often find myself forcing eye contact and not sure if I should just stare at them the whole time or look away a little then come back to there eyes. I find it hard to start and maintain a conversation without a third (or more) person there to come up with topics. I also sometimes find it hard to verbalize how I feel without it coming across as awkward. I have had one person in my school who has said they think I have autism stating I was "awkward as f***". :D
Other aspergian things I do are: I find it hard to verbalize what I am thinking, and typing my thoughts is much easier for me to get my point across. I always think everything through logically and can't relate to religion. While I have an idea of the right thing to say, unless I understand and/or relate to it I have a hard time truly feeling empathy for the person. I am usually isolated and don't want to be with my few friends for too terribly long (though I do enjoy being with them). If there is something I really want to do and can't or it is prolonged I often react and have a hard time controlling my frustration seemingly more than most people (though I am better now than I was). I can also have a generally hard time controlling my emotions (it's not that bad though, definitely not like how aspies are often portrayed). I will notice little things like license plates. Like I said before my motor skills suck and I hate sports. Sometimes I feel like I need to say everything I want to say or cover something in detail or I feel a sense of it being incomplete. I sometimes look at the way certain celebrities or people I look up to behave with there body language/gestures and phrases and/or jokes they use/do and apply that to my own behavior.

As far as my early childhood goes: This is off of my and somewhat my parents memory so it's up for give and take. I had a very bad temper I would apparently flip my mattress when I was mad. I don't remember for sure but I'm pretty sure when I wanted something I would just pull my mom too it and everyone in the family told her she needs to stop doing it and she eventually refused to be pulled by me. I didn't have a noticeable problem with eye contact, body language, responding to my parents verbally and looking at things pointed out to me, walking, and talking. I apparently never liked pretend play and I would react badly to vacuum cleaners and noises like that. I flapped my hands when excited when I was young and still do now. I don't know what this tells you but my mom said one time she looked to see what I was looking at when I was hand flapping and it was the ceiling fan. That is just one example though. I actually talked to my parents a lot. But I apparently had to do pre k twice because the first time I barely talked to anyone (again I talked to my parents a lot but not anyone else really during that time).

I have never had many friends (I have about 2 arguably 3 people I see after school at 15 years old and have never had much more my whole life, that is actually better than it has been for a while). I take 37.5 mg of zoloft once a day for depression and anxiety and was diagnosed with OCD (though it's definetly not severe ocd by any means).

There's most likely things I am forgetting but that is a good general explanation of me. So I definitely come across as normal or maybe somewhat odd to most people but I think almost without a doubt I have NVLD (non verbal learning disorder) but I don't know if I am too "normal" (yes I know normal is a relative term but it's the best word too describe what I am saying) to be classified as having aspergers or hfa. If I am too "normal" in your opinion to have aspergers then what is your explanation of my stimming, ability to fixate on something for a long time, and my mild sensory problems? Could I have NVLD and just have stimming non related to aspergers? Or maybe NVLD and mild sensory processing disorder without aspergers?

And yes I am aware only a licensed professional can diagnose me I just want your objective opinions. I know I am not going to get a definite answer.


_________________
Diagnosed with ASD and Depression.
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 127 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 82 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

31 Jul 2015, 8:50 am

I think you have lots on your mind.

I hope your "confusion" over what you might "have" doesn't interfere with your schoolwork or your life.

One clinician is going to say you only have an Autistic Spectrum Disorder. Another might think you have NVLD as well.

What's most important, I think, is how you are actually functioning in life. You could have all those disorders and function fine. You could have none of them and function poorly.