Dont know who or where to ask, religion and therapist qstn

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Like I say, I would not know who to even ask in the community about this issue, but I will try you all here.

Lately, I started to go to a therapist who is one of the few in our city who knows about autism. I may have to stop because ran out of money (not good insurance) and I don't know if it helps or not. Let me set up the question:

I was raised Catholic but I do not like the religion at all. When I was in Catholic elementary school the nuns were mean to me and my sisters (I don't want to remember). I have found Catholic priests to be busy and cranky and sometimes also mean. The "ghost voice" that priests often use creeps me out. I find Catholic mass boring, and crowded and it seems that no one talks to anyone else unless it is the "sign of peace" and then everyone turns back to the priest. Confession scared the crap out of me when I was a boy and today I don't go because I find going into a dark closet to talk to a cranky priest to be really, really creepy. The ushers at Catholic mass are rude and some of the responses where everyone speaks at once sound like mumbling that drives me nuts. Yet people keep coming and I thought it was because they were guilted into it. And I also have the question of what is all this supposed to do? Would I feel this way if I were neurotypical? Because if it were an airline and the pilots and flight attendants were nasty, people would stay off the plane.

This brings up the therapist issue because I have found out that he is a devout Catholic, this after I told him of the issues I have above.

What happened is that he was talking about Catholic things and I asked him how he knew so much and he told me "I need it" which I never heard before. Something about it "Keeps him going" and "I dont' feel alone" even if you don't know anyone there. Some people might say dump him but he is decent to me and is supposed to know about autism when most don't. I am afraid if I drop him, I will not be able to come back, once he takes on someone else. Also, I really cannot afford to wipe out a bank account and have him talk about the pope, the bishop, etc. But who would I get? Most therapists are Catholic or Jewish and one reason is because 97% of Catholic School Grads Go To College! At the super crowded public high school I went to, very few could go to college (I know, I tried, it wsa a disaster, long story)

I also go to a discussion group and they talked about spirituality and now I look like a grouch because I said what above about my church experiences and there are others who have wonderful priests and love the church, and talked the whole time about new pope. I must really be missing something. Someone wanted me to make an appointment with a priest but they are all too busy and I just don't want to be creeped out with the ghost voice, silent treatments, etc.
I'm just trying to figure out how to handle all this when everyone else seems to get comfort from a religion when there is so much creepy. I have gone to Protestant churches and they do seem to do more social things (why is that?) but even so I find the service boring, don't know the Bible, and would they even take me at all?

Thanks, and moderators if you have to move this to Religion you can but thought I would get more answers here.

Is he making you feel uncomfortable apart from the simple fact that he's a catholic? If not, I'd be tempted to stick with him as long as he doesn't start doing that. It's hard for me to see how a deeply religious person can do counselling without ending up laying unwanted theology onto the client, but I've known christian counsellors who do a very good job of leaving their religion at the door. It's my personal belief that religious doctrine can fog the issues in counselling, but some clients are so firmly religious themselves that a secular counsellor could do just as much damage in that case. Though you don't seem to be all that sold on catholicism, judging by your experiences of it and your reservations about this catholic guy. From what you've written, he only seems to have brought religion into it because you did, which is a good sign. I'm sure not all catholics are as nasty as the ones you've experienced. On the other hand, I think it's common for the leaders of the more intense religions to discourage people from moving away from their particular sect, so it might be wise to look out for argument, too much unsolicited advice, or more subtle attempts to influence what should be down to your free will about what religion or church (if any) you go with. To my mind, the best counselling is client-centred unless the client really wants to be led. It's good if they help you find your own way rather than pushing you in their preferred direction, though the latter isn't only done by religious counsellors.

Thanks for the answer, yes I did bring religion up when I asked how he knew so much. I didn't expect an answer like that. Usually, its because "Oh, the nuns taught us" or "our parents made us' or "I went to Catholic schools, Catholic university" to How dare you ask," to a personal attack. I don't know if maybe its our region but most of the Catholic people of the church do seem to not be very friendly, that is, if it were any other business or place people go to they probably would stay away from it. And why don't other people get creeped out with the creepy things or is that something wrong with me?

I would have put this in PPR. But it seems to me all they do over there is argue and its not very informative.

I find it harder to believe that a therapist/counselor/social worker would not keep their personal views separate from their work. They see people of every walk of life and every belief system, it'd be outright unprofessional for them to try to influence their clients with their own beliefs. They're supposed to work with them, not against them, otherwise they'd have gone into specialty therapy (e.g. Christian counseling, etc.). I mean, I was with my therapist for a year until I discovered she was Christian; it never influenced any of the things she told me whatsoever because it was irrelevant.





I'm not Catholic, so I can't speak with great expertise, but a lot of people do find Catholicism "creepy". I believe it's because Catholicism focuses more heavily on "darker" visual and thematic elements of Christianity dating back centuries: crucifixes, martyred saints, demons, Latin, exorcisms...I mean, whenever religion is depicted in horror movies, it's always Catholic. It's much spookier to show an ancient cathedral adorned with paintings of a bloody crucified Jesus than it is, say, a brightly lit, modern refurbished nondenominational Protestant church where pop-rock bands play on the weekends. So no, finding Catholic imagery scary is nothing new.

Protestantism is less bound by rituals or traditional liturgy, so there's a lot more variety in church worship which varies from denomination to denomination. Some follow Catholic liturgy pretty closely, while others are on the opposite end of the spectrum and are more like pleasant social gatherings.

What's important is not what others get out of it but rather than what you get out of it. Do you consider yourself a person of faith? It's not uncommon for people raised in religion to start questioning their relationship with their beliefs and start seeking out other paths, whether it's finding another denomination, a completely different religion or just leaving religion altogether. If your religion is bringing you more stress and confusion than comfort, it's time to examine it and figure out what path to take from there.

One would hope it would always be like that, but not all people in positions of trust behave professionally all the time. And there's been a lot of extreme corruption finally coming to light in the catholic church recently, behaviour which makes laying a bit of religion onto counselling clients look like very small beer.

So, why can't I see how a deeply religious person could keep their beliefs out of their counselling? Suppose a dyed-in-the-wool catholic counsellor had a client who was considering divorce. Wouldn't it be rather difficult for him to remain impartial? How about a pentecostal from the deep south with a gay client? Intense religions tend to have a powerful sense of (their own brand of) right and wrong, and they tend to take "top down" for granted - church leaders are likely to lead. They might well feel that their deity wants them to influence people his way. I don't say it's a foregone conclusion that it has to be so, but the intensity of the catholic religion would seem rather a block to the kind of free thinking required in a healthy nondirective counselling session. People are only human after all, but the "flock" often thinks their leaders are more "spiritual" than that, and so especially trustworthy, which can be a dangerous belief.

My personal knowledge of actual corruption in counsellors is limited, and I've seen nothing extreme at first hand. There was one guy at Relate in the UK who said to me "we're christians, but we're not supposed to tell you that." He was highly opinionated and "full of himself," and couldn't resist teaching me instead of helping me find my own answers, so the sessions were of little use. Another (presumably secular) counsellor handed me a business card for her freelance sex therapy work, and asked me not to let her colleagues see it. I'd never expressed the faintest interest in sex therapy. A very close friend of mine had a counsellor who wouldn't stop advising them to get a job, though it was never my friend's belief that her unemployment was the problem. A more distant acquaintance said their counsellor totally mis-handled the transference thing, and another had an affair with his counsellor, which she had suggested on the grounds that they obviously fancied each other and it would get rid of the tension. So I'd say there are risks out there, and that one certainly can't rely on impeccable professional conduct every time.


I agree, the last thing you need is for this thread to degenerate into an argument about religion. I hope my contribution here won't encourage that. Religion can be a thorny issue, so I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.

I suppose people tolerate things they don't like about their church because they see it as their religious duty to go there. In most other walks of life, shopping around is seen as the way to drive up standards.

Thanks for all of the answers and I am still trying to figure out what to do. I have not been to him for awhile. I have told him of all this and he tells me that he would like to meet with me at least 1 last time to see if I can be helped. I was hoping this would work better but it seems that I often hear about the pope, the bishop, the church and its costing me my bank account. Just hate to have someone else not be right for me, especially since most don't know about autism (do not learn in graduate school).

I guess I am a bit jealous of people who love their church and "get something from it" and seem to be in a la-la land talking about it and have nice priests and then I go to church and get bored and have to shake the hand of a priest who just guilt tripped the audience and the rude ushers (who are usually abrupt engineers who have a lot of kids because of no birth control) and I have to deal with the creepiness. Don't other people get creeped out too? Its really hard to find out about my own religion without getting a personal attack!