Do we really miss cues, or something else

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Here is a question for the Aspie men, but Aspie females can provide some great insight as well. In general, what do you think occurs more often: women are interested in us or find us attractive, and we just miss or can't read the non-verbal cues for this; or women just aren't interested in us so there are no cues to read?

I can't speak for women but I imagine most just aren't interested, I always figure they get bothered enough on their own and would be annoyed if somebody approached and started talking to them. The few that are interested, I do think we probably do misread cues and are so self conscious that you couldn't believe somebody might actually like you.

One question I'd have for women is what percentage of men would they say are attractive in any sense even beyond just looks? I would imagine the percentage is probably lower than the percentage of women men find attractive.

Why does it matter which is the cause, if the outcome is the same? I don't think we should aid you in your rumination on this topic.

I think men in general tend to over-read cues from women.

I tend not to pick up on cues unless they're really obvious, like a girl is practically breathing down my neck asking me questions about myself.

But I try to get them to keep their distance because I'm not interested in having that kind of relationship. I like having friends, but that's it. Ask me questions, but respect my boundaries.

I'm an undiagnosed aspie male, by the way.

I miss cues, and when I do see them, I'm confused as to what they mean. I tend to make half assed guesses all the time when it comes to people being interested in me.

You'd be surprised how many women are into smart nerds.

When I was 15, a girl kept on remarking about what an A student I am. She dragged me into the vestibule of a building and taught me about French kissing.

I think Aspies miss cues. I both miss cues and see cues that aren't there.

Kraftie

you bring up another important point, I do know that Aspies do tend to also overemphasize politeness, thinking that it means more than it really does. I am sure that leads to rejection when you try to follow through on it, at least it did for me.

Yep...I've thought that girls liked me in an romantic/sexual sense---when they really only liked me as a friend. This has caused embarrassment.

Based on non-verbal research I've done, sometimes women are interested in me, and I don't even know it until it's far too late. They say non-verbal and verbal communication need to be mixed into a kind of intuitive formula to create a big picture that is naturally taken into the correct context. Impossible when I can only focus on one sense at a time, and I would have to scientifically figure it all out manually in real time. Even if I know a woman likes me, I don't know what to say to her whatsoever, or how to non-verbally reciprocate.

There was one time years ago that I thought a woman was interested in me, so I approached her, but she wasn't interested I guess... but she did seem interested in me based on non-verbal research I've done. I tried small talk, and it was uneventful and brief. She was smiling and stuff though. I asked for her number and she told me, "Oh, I don't know..." with some kind of smile on her face, and I'm not sure what her meaning by that was because I couldn't read the "cues".

Thinking that "I don't know" always means no, I told her immediately, "Okay, you don't have to, no worries." And, I immediately turned and walked away.... and then I passed her by, and tried to apologize to her for any awkwardness I might have displayed and I told her I am Autistic. She told me I was not awkward, smiled, and for some reason a lot of her cleavage was showing when it hadn't been when I talked to her moments before... immediately after that I went home and sunk into a very severe shutdown depression for a few weeks and stared at a blank wall and petted my pet bunny all day every day thinking about how to kill myself solely because I can't figure out how to get a girlfriend.

I know the feeling. Those past regrets can really get to you at time-when you realize far to late here was an opportunity after all.

But you got a wife whom you love...and who loves you....I can't help it...it's the truth.

It's not a moral thing. It's a practical thing. You have what you lacked when you were younger.

I believe your trials led to your pleasures today.

I do worry from time to time that my wife will eventually see me the same way all of the girls I went to school with saw me, and bail on our relationship. Most of the women I went to grad school with describe me as intelligent and good hearted, but none of them tried to go out with me or let me know they were interested in me. I guess those qualities aren't worth a bucket of warm piss (to quote former Vice President John Garner).

But they are, Professor John.

I'm sure your wife didn't marry you because you are "cool." He married you because you're a nice guy. People grow out of the phase where they admire "coolness" to the exclusion of other qualities.

If I met you, and you tried to be "cool," and "suave," and all that, I would think you're a total dick, frankly.