Fighting

Post Reply New Topic

Contrary to the sense I get from most people on this forum, I have a history of dealing with bullies and as*holes by getting aggressive and violent, since I'm not very good at resolving conflicts by using words. This has been going on since I was a little kid, when I would occasionally hit or bite my parents when I felt disrespected. I started getting into fights in middle school, and although I'm not that big, I'm stronger than most other guys and very well-coordinated, so I often get the result I was looking for when I fight (until the guy's friends come and jump me afterwards, which happens every time). However, now I have a reputation as someone who is violent and somewhat reckless. Friends of mine have told me I need to stop being so aggressive when people do things to piss me off, but the problem is I don't know how else to deal with it. I was at a bar with some friends last weekend and started dancing with this girl, and some guy literally just grabs her from me, spins her around, and starts dancing with her. I had been to the same bar with the same friends the previous week and almost got in a fight, so this time I just let it slide, but afterwards I felt like s**t for not saying anything to that guy. I feel like the "correct" response would have been to say something to the guy that would piss him off, and then walk away laughing, but, as is often the case, I couldn't think of anything to say. This happens to me all the time. Whenever someone disrespects me, I feel like my only two options are to try and ignore it or to punch them in the face. I don't want to be seen as the crazy aggressive guy, but I also don't want to be seen as the guy who lets people treat him like s**t.

A tad harsh, maybe, but if you can get away with it, why not? I haven't had much physical aggro from others, just lip, so I fight back with words. I have that same feeling as you do, about not wanting to be seen to let people get away with dissing me. I think that if everybody did something about it when somebody is taking liberties, then there would be fewer jerks. Of course it's useful to weigh up who's got the most power before wading in. But I think people respect those who don't take crap.

Letting things go works well enough for me; but then I rarely place myself in settings where disrespectful behavior occurs, so that may explain it. I don't have much to offer in the way of tips for improved verbal sparring, because I am not too good at it myself. The punching thing will likely one day prove to be a very expensive approach to conflict resolution; best to keep an attorney and bail bondsman on speed-dial.

I would advise taking up martial arts. That way you learn to control your anger, so next time you get into an aggressive situation you won't have need to retaliate.

if someone disrespects me, i just don't give them the time of day. they're not worth my energy in any way. my husband feels the same way, even more so. i would never date a guy who settles things with his fists.