Is "you're intelligent" condescending?

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Mootoo
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07 Aug 2015, 5:17 am

I notice that, mostly, it's only people who almost need to get an edge over the conversation, who proclaim such things. Which is why I've learnt to discard it from my mind and concentrate on the previous train of thought (any kind of 'pride' would ironically diminish the kind of argumentation that triggered such a statement).



jimmyboy76453
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07 Aug 2015, 5:52 am

It depends how it's said and the context of the conversation. I've heard it said to me when the person really meant, "You're odd" or "You suck at X, but hey, you're smart" or "You're really smart, so why can't you do X activity, or why can't you understand my point?" I probably do understand their point, I just think they're wrong.
But I've also had it said to me when the person was being complimentary.


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OliveOilMom
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07 Aug 2015, 6:35 am

It depends on who says it and how it's said.

If you are being interviewed by a social worker or a psychiatrist or someone in any of the fields that like to rely on psychology at all, if it's said nicely at the beginning of the conversation they are condescending but not directly. They are doing it to stroke your ego and make you like them for praising you so you will open up to them. It's condescending because if they really thought that they wouldn't have tried to use such an obvious trick on you.

If said in a surprised tone by someone you recently met after they have either looked at your records or test scores or after talking with you for a bit, then it's kind of condescending but not because they are saying you didn't look or come across as intelligent but they are suprised you are because they aren't really intelligent enough to know that brains come in lots of packages.

If it's said dismissively by someone who is your boss or thinks they are in that position after you make a suggestion or an observation then this is the second most condescending of all because they are saying that you are pointing out the obvious. If you feel they mean this, then you can blow it off as a joke and let them know you got it by saying "Of course I am, I didn't get to be Captain Obvious with kryptonite for brains!" Or maybe not.

If it's said after you have made an obvious mistake then this is the most condescending of all because they mean the direct opposite. If you are in a situation where you won't get fired, beat up, arrested, kicked out, or divorced, then you really need to say something like "What I like about you is that you are not in any way a twatwaffle" If there is any way it will blow back on you, decide if it's worth it. Don't prove them right by getting fired over mouthing off.


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