Hello. I'm a new member and this is my first post. I'm a 22 year old male. As the title states, I'm unsure if Aspergers' Syndrome would be an accurate diagnosis for me. This will be a fairly extensive and possibly incoherent wall of text (especially considering the fact that I suffer from chronic insomnia), so I presume few members will read every sentence. Although I've never been clinically diagnosed, I'm certain that I have at the very minimum a moderate case of social anxiety disorder, as being in the presence of others can often paralyze me with fear. My social phobia is debilitating and frequently even crippling, as I have always been a reclusive introvert who prefers to remain withdrawn and aloof. As a result, my social life is nonexistant. Approximately five years ago, I was administered a comprehensive evaluation by clinical psychologists. The tests encompassed a vast array of mental exercises that were essentially used to evaluate my intellectual abilities. In addition, my parents discussed my social difficulies with both psychologists. They strongly suspected that I was somewhere on the autism spectrum, albeit mildly. Because I was unable to provide conclusive evidence, I was never offcially diagnosed with any spectrum disorder, not even PDD-NOS. The doctors determined that my social phobia would be far more of an obstacle to overcome in life than any small form of autism that I may be afflicted with. I'm wondering if my excessive shyness and isolation could be attributed at least partially to an inherent lack of social comprehension. In a nutshell, I've always felt inadequate and inferior in comparison to the general population. I suspect that I also have a nonverbal learning disorder in conjunction with possible autism. Anyway, here are a list of my odd mannerisms, behaviors, and disabilities:
- I have a general unease around people, even my extended relatives (although not so much around my immediate family). My assessment could be innacurate, but I don't think I have that much diffculty reading body language. The essence of my problem is that I often don't know how to respond to people and initiate conversations. This why finding a girlfriend for me seems insurmountable. Even contributing to conversations frequently seems unnatural,forced and unintuitive. In social situations, it's as if I'm perpetually stiff and wooden, with an overall demeanor of being overly polite. Again, I'm not sure if this is merely my anxiety or indicative of Aspergers.'
-I haven't analyzed my eye contact patterns, so I am unable to provide an assessment on my performance in this area. Anecdotally, my parents claim that I'm slightly lacking eye contact. Looking at someone directly in the eye does feel slightly uncomfortable.
- I have some problems with detecting sarcasm, unless it's accompanied by an exaggerated tone of voice. When it's that obvious, I can tell immediately.
In high school and the vast majority of elementary school, I refrained from interacting with the other students, as I didn't know how to gain their acceptance.
- My language is often overly and almost inapproprately formal and pedantic. It's even showing in this current post. I've received numerous compliments about being "articulate" as a result.
- My intelligence is only mediocre, with my verbal IQ being above average and my performance IQ being below average. My full scale IQ is an unremarkable 105. There were also tremendous discrepancies between a multitude of subtests. I scored as embarrasingly low as the 1st percentile in certain subtests while apparently having exceptional abilities in other areas. I can say with absolute certainty that I'm nearly completely mechanically disinclined and disabled. I have a slight aptitude in mathematics numerically, but it would be a stretch to say that I'm good at math.
- I constantly stim in my solitute. I read about the types of stimming that people afflicted with autistic spectrum disorders typically exhibit, and they sound eerily similar to what I enjoy doing. I repetitively pace while listening to music, I wring my hands while distressed, and I occasionally flap my hands when getting a sudden euphoric feeling. While deep in thought or having an imaginative moment, I have the tendency to fiddle with objects. Admittedly, I did this sort of thing with action figures until I was twelve years old. I find this to be a source of joy and excitement. Keep in mind that I do this exclusively in my solitute.
- I've always had bizarre and awkward facial expressions in addition to an odd posture. While watching old footage of my previous graduations and concerts back in elementary and high school on DVD, it seemed as if I suffered from some type of intellectual disability. It's exceedingly difficult to determine what precisely was wrong with me, but it was readily apparent that I was fundamentally different from my peers in a negative way.
- Although my perception may be innacurate, I believe I have some mild sensory senstitivities. I notice that I'm abnormally sensitive to temperature extremes, for instance. Even slightly hot food is painful for me to eat. I also have difficulty tolerating the texture and taste of several foods. Mushy food seems particularly repulsive to me, especially mashed potatoes. I read that this is a primary trait of people with varying forms and degrees of autism. Cetain foods may even cause a gagging reflex. Loud noises do bother me to a certain extent, but not significantly and certainly not to the degree of many on the autistic spectrum.
-I do not have the irresistible need to follow a specific routine on a consistent basis. I do detest having to do things spontaneously and unexpectedly however, as I am unable to plan my activities in advance. This can potentially lead to performance anxiety. Even when my parents have company over without informing me, I am often overwhelmed with anxiety.
-Perhaps paradoxically, I often feel and exhibit strong emotions, with a tendency to either feel on top of the world and fully capable of accomplishing anything, to conversely, being a substandard life form considerably beneath all of humanity. These feelings are triggered by life events. This is shameful to admit, as I feel childish and immature because of it.
- In general, my self esteem is astronomically low and I have a very low sense of self worth. I feel as though I'm incapable of attaining a respectable career with a lucrative income. I fear the prospect of working a menial, minimum wage job as a result of my possible neurological disability or intellectual deficiency. I have absolutely no acquaintances and only one person who I can rightfully consider to be my genuine friend.
- During my leisure time, I am often immersed in a special interest that consumes my free time. In my early childhood years, I was obsessively fascinated by geography and maps. I would find it incredibly enjoyable to look at a New Jersey map in particular. It became a habit for me to draw and recreate certain maps of my county and state. I oddly found entertainment in doing it repeatedly. Although the scope of my interest was not exceptional, my intensity was highly anomalous. This was largely during third and fourth grade. Having such an overwhelming interest in maps is certainly atypical for an elementary school student. Now weather statistics have taken the place of maps as my "special interest." Locally, I have knowledge of the general weather conditions that have taken place over my geographic area for neary every winter and summer of the past forty years. It would be very surprising to the average Joe if they knew that I studied this narrow and fixated topic that extensively.
-My final point is that I scored a 40 on the AQ test, which may be suggestive of Aspergers' Syndrome.
Last edited by recluse93 on 20 Aug 2015, 4:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
20 Aug 2015, 4:21 pm
