Responsibility of change

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As much as I advocate the Social Model of Disability (that it is society’s barriers: attitudinal and environmental that disable people with impairments) I still think that we need to take responsibility as individuals for ourselves. I sometimes feel that some disabled people hide behind the social model of disability and deny that some the traits of the impairment can ever be a barrier I itself or that their own attitude can be a problem. I feel that some people with Asperger’s Syndrome (Aspies) are guilty of this.

As much as we shouldn’t have to change the essence of who we are to fit the neuro-typical way of the world I still feel we need to change some aspects of our own behaviours and beliefs, whether we are neuro-different or neuro-typical.
Take dating and romantic relationships as an example. Imagine that there is someone that you fancy. They have a certain social behaviour, certain values, expectations and standards. They don’t want someone that is socially awkward, shy and cannot start, maintain and equally share a conversation. You fit this. Can you really fairly expect ‘the person you fancy’ to change to accommodate your shyness and difficulty in conversing because you fancy them?
Although we can expect society to equally accept and include people that are shy and / or have social interaction difficulties we cannot expect an individual to accept us as an individual and reciprocate our romantic interest or interest in general if we do not appeal to them.

It is fine being frustrated or upset by a lack of reciprocated interest but I have seen some Aspies or simply people that are having difficulty attempting to interact with someone they are interested in be indignant, angry and even aggressive because the someone they fancy doesn’t fancy them back!
Is this an example of where we might need to look at whether we, as an individual, need to think about if we want to make a change for ourselves?

In order to have a better chance of success with dating, forming relationships or making relationships better don’t we ‘all’, as humans, need to change things about our behaviour at times, develop standards if we don’t have any or don’t have higher enough standards to value ourselves appropriately; or even lower our standards, or expectations if they are unrealistic? Don’t we all NDs or NTs sometimes need to change the way we think and communicate?
So why do some Aspies take the SMD to extremes and say that they ‘never’ need to change and that others should always change to accept them?

Don’t we need to learn how to interact suitably if we want to have a better chance of getting dates, having better dates or better relationships? By learning to do so are we really denying who we are? Aren’t we simply learning to use ‘our’ potential and be a broader version of who we are? We are all more than the surface layer of us. We know so little about ourselves. If we develop and find out more isn’t it simply that we are getting deeper into us rather than trying to fit into something we are not?

Well, I would argue that things aren't labelled as disorders if a simple application of modest effort makes it all go away. And, if I don't know, I tend to assume that someone has tried to improve but that it isn't working.

There's a difference between adjusting to the extent that most people do and finding it so exhausting that it isn't worth it (and maybe while still being insufficient). Or even, that it's damaging your health or taking away from your ability to manage basic activities of life (do the wash, pay the bills, etc. because you're too wiped out and find those things hard to begin with). Or, maybe someone succeeds, but feels like it isn't real because they're so dissociated from their true reactions/thoughts/emotions suppressed because they're all replaced with scripts and acting. (I could talk at times and have no recollection of what I said because it was like a form of jazz 'scat' that had little or nothing to do with my actual thoughts. Not that the result was especially great. I just can't process speech or my own thoughts fast enough in real-time.)

The trouble with the opposite of the social model are things like people in wheelchairs not being able to have any job, even if they used to be a computer programmer (even if they still have the use of their hands). I gather that's how it used to be, and still is to some extent. If society has no responsibility to change then you end up with waste like that.

It's less clear w.r.t. social adjustments -- you can't require people to like who they don't want to like. OTOH, being gay used to be this awful, deviant thing, akin to being a pedophile, and now it's "Will & Grace" normal (or getting there, at least). Tolerating seems fair enough to ask for, while demanding liking doesn't.

As far as bitterness: nearly everyone wants love, but not everybody is going to get some (or as much as they want/need) no matter what they do in some cases. People should try to improve themselves, of course, but they're not guaranteed success even with their best efforts. So, I guess it depends on where you assume they are -- before trying to improve or after. I usually assume after, maybe due to age.

I feel we should do the best we can with what we got.

Yeah....I know....too simplistic!

With regard to fancying somebody who isn't interested, I'm sure it's a mark of immaturity to fail to accept the situation. I've noticed before that extreme desperation and frustration seems to make people try to force things to fit. So I think it's understandable but unworkable. There's no point in crying "Discrimination!" about partner selection. Aspies are no different from NTs in that some people can be rather unrealistic.

With regard to a general responsibility for change, I think it's often hard to know if somebody is really making an effort or not. I know an Aspie who I frequently find myself wanting to kick for being apparently unable to get it together to perform tasks that I simply find a bit unpleasant to do. But I don't administer the kick, because I don't know the severity of the difficulties that Aspie has. Quite the dilemma. I think sometimes people cite their disadvantages as a disingenuous excuse for riding on other people's backs. I also think that sometimes people shout "Excuses! excuses!" when it's inconvenient for them to cut a disadvantaged person a bit of slack. As far as I can see (which is nothing like as far as I'd like), the latter looks more common than the former, especially when it comes to government support for cognitive disability. They seem much more worried about wrongly giving out benefits than they do about wrongly denying them.

I agree whole heartedly.

Too many post on here ranting and raving about how the world needs to accept aspies as we are and ought to adapt to accommodate us.

That's completely and utter BS. The majority will never ever change to accommodate the minority - especially when it comes to "socially unacceptable" behaviours. Period.

We can't change others. We can only change ourselves. I've spent the last few years changing myself and it's changed everything for the better.

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[/img]

I think there's more hope than that for us. No doubt many people thought that about homosexuality a few decades ago, but the world is now having to change to accommodate gay rights.

Yep....in the 1980s, "Gay Marriage" was an oxymoron.

No, I think it's the right approach.

Better than anything with too much bogus theory.

please tell us how you've changed yourself. thanks

Indeed, and if you go back to 1895:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oscar_Wilde#Imprisonment



Essentially, mainstream society broke his health and killed him for being different. The West has come a very long way since those dark times. And with autism, at least we don't have as far to climb.

As a gay man, I can tell you that's apples to oranges. It's entirely different for someone to be tolerant or accepting of what someone else does in the privacy of their bedroom, or of comparable to hetero accceptable PDA, vs. people shifting to accept people being "clueless idiots" in social scenarios. The latter is NEVER going to happen. IMO, of course.

I've been sharing that here since January of 2014, but many don't believe me.

4 years ago my ASD, depression, anxiety, adhd/ocd/tourettes symptoms were off the charts. I was also 242lbs with a 38" waist.

Met the right people, did more than 10,000 pages of research, and have since spent my time Doing to improve myself. I figured out that ASD symptoms are caused by intestinal dysbiosis, most likely antibiotic induced for most, and that it's entirely treatable via diet, natural medicine (antifungal herbs/oils), intestinal cleanses (3-5L herbal enemas), and mass amounts of probiotics (taken both orally & rectally) as probiotic seem to act as neurotransmitters in the enteric nervous system and get the gut sending the right signals to the brain in order to turn it on and have it firing on as many cylinders as possible. I'm now 6'2 200lbs of mostly muscle, too, via diet and exercise. Back then I was over $100K in debt and bankrupt, now I'm ~$25K in the black and investing for my future. I work a very social job w/o anxiety. etc. I changed myself, everything else has changed too. I posted the long version here in January of 2014 and most people didn't believe me. I still have the text from it and will email it to anyone who'd care to read it.

Completely agree.

There are differences, sure. But I think one of the most important drivers for the acceptance of minorities who are different is the fragmentation of broader society, and I think that fragmentation is on the increase, because there's so much more travelling these days. If society is not homogenous, discrimination becomes difficult because there's no reference for what a normal person is. Aspies become harder to distinguish from all the other "clueless idiots" who behave strangely because of their different ways of doing things. When I was working, my biggest problems came from nasty little all-white British groups. The foreign people generally just accepted me for who I was.

There is certainly an element of truth to this. I live in one of the most multicultural cities in the world, where 1/3rd of residents are born outside of Canada & come from all over the globe. It's a LOT easier for an aspie to blend in because there are so many diverse cultures here and so many social faux pas are accepted as just being "different." Same goes for aspies who travel to far off lands like Japan where people are so polite that differences are just written off as being "foreign" & the Japanese are so culturally polite, tolerant, and accepting of everyone.

However, the fact remains that there are many AS traits/signs/symptoms that are simply perceived as rude, or wrong. That will never change. People won't change and accept rudeness from others. If they perceive you asa rude idiot, then that's what you are to them. The ONLY way forward is to change yourself, treat your AS symptoms, and get your brain firing on as many cylinders as possible so as not to have to inadvertently piss people off. It takes hard work and dedication, but it's certainly a whole lot more achievable than persuading 7 Billion+ people that you're a-okay just the way you are and they shouldn't take offence to the "offensive," things you say and do.

I agree it's important to avoid being totally fixed. But my social method doesn't seem to have involved changing myself by any conscious effort. There's never been an air of self-rehabilitation or giving ground about it. I've just found out about people and about myself, and the rest has tended to fall into place. In my youth I found that I didn't get on with the mainstream, so rather than keep trying to tag along and trying to turn myself into somebody I didn't want to be, I turned my back on them and focussed on the outliers for my company. I blamed the herd and its hive mind for the problems rather than myself, which probably wasn't completely objective of me, but as we were shunning each other anyway, it made little difference. Meeting them halfway would have been too painful for me, because of the sheer size of the ideological gulf between us.

I did much better with one-on-one, though it took some time before I became particularly successful. It was always the non-judgemental types that were the easiest to relate to, and by far the worst relationships I've had with partners were the ones who identified with the herd, forever trying to teach me that my behaviour was "not the done thing." And with those individuals I could work with, it was just a matter of learning what worked and what didn't, just as it would be for a material goal such as finding out how to make a good loaf of bread.

Perhaps it would be useful to cite some specific examples of behaviour or attitude that you think an Aspie would be better off changing.