Not fitting in with NTs, not fitting in with Aspies?

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Does anybody feel like they can't pass in the NT world OR in the Aspie world? Asperger's has such a wide range of presentations that it's touch to feel like you have THAT much in common with another Aspie. (Or maybe this is just my inability to relate socially to ANY human being?) Can I get a testimony?

Hi.

I have that problem. On definitely on the higher functioning end of the spectrum, but not quite normal enough compared to most NTs. It's incredibly annoying since a) I'm too weird to fit in or b) I'm not weird enough. Of course, those are just some examples. At my current school, I seem to be fitting in really well. At my last two schools, let's just say I was shunned for life.

I'm socially a complete failure, but I tend to enjoy humour and far more general culture than most other aspies, but still to an obsessive degree, so I appeal to neither NTs or aspies in that regard. I'm also painfully shy, self-aware and sensitive to criticism, so when people make fun of me it's often too hard to bear.

Yes I felt and sometimes still feel like you express. For a long time I didn't feel I fit in even here among the WP Kingdom of Aspies. But I have since gotten to know a lot of really great people on here that I just adore and enjoy talking to. A couple I have met in person like Nutbag who I live near. The two of us seem to relate well and talk like a couple of super social NTs when we get together. The NT's look at us sometimes like okay gals you can shut up now anytime now!! There's a bunch of others on here I love talking with and would hang out with if we only lived closer.

There is a great vast array of types of Aspies. Its like looking across a wide valley when you look at the Spectrum. Meeting several in person I see we have different ability levels when it comes to communicating and sometimes we make terrible communication blunders that makes us misunderstand even each other. So in other words sometimes we do have a lot in common with other Aspies we just don't always notice it straight away because of our inabilities in some areas.

There is one Aspie guy in particular I did not think he was very high functioning. But turned out he was just super shy. Once we got to talking more he turned out to be incredibly fun person, we have a lot of common interests, he is very smart and now I look forward to seeing him again.

I also met NT's sometimes that I relate to and think highly of. Then there's others its a struggle to even be around.

I've felt pretty comfortable amonst a select group of friends, whom I believe were somewhere in the spectrum - and with whom I shared some common interests. That said, I can't really feel too comfortable with any connection without a lot of contact (i.e. over a great deal of time). I've just not been here long enough to make those connections with more than a couple of people. I do find myself empathizing a great deal though, and that is something like torture.

yep..I am glad the website intro mentions that this is a site also for ADHDers...In the last AS forum I belonged to, I was shunned by some of the people and made to feel like a stupid "NT" goombah who was obsessed with bothering the aspies because i am not diagnosed.....this forum seems to be more accepting of a broader range of behaviour...so i sorta feel lile I fit in better....I am definitely not NT...but I still don't know whether or not I have Aspergers...though I have alot of symptoms, there are some I don;t seem to have..or at least I don't tend to recognise them as such...like a rigid routine...indead I dream of being able to mantain a rigid routine, but can't because I am so distracted all the time...
I might REALLY be an Aspie/ADDer....and I think the ADD part might put some of the Aspie traits in check.
Like.. I have a narrow field of interests, but a really hard time focusing on them...and though I am analytical..It is in a very roundabout way...stuff like that...oh yeah...and I am constantly around people..it is just part of my lifestyle..and it gets to be very nerve wracking...but as is the life of running an arts and performance space...most people with jobs like mine are alot more able to deal with it and have their stuff alot more together...and I do have alot of aquaintances...and alot more people I can barely talk to and who's names I don;t know...and the people I am closest to are generally also very odd socially akward types..

I obviously don't get along with the majority of NTs. Other Aspies; well it depends. When I'm around other Aspies I don't usually talk to them, but I feel a LOT more secure around them than I do with NTs. I guess I get along better with Aspies my age or older, the younger ones are really immature. When I went to Aspie camps as a kid the boys would bully me, simply for being a girl .

Me, I dont fit anywhere and I cant relate to any human really.

I really don't fit well into any one group. I cannot do the small talk and the gossip of NTs and I'm prone to making stupid mistakes typical people wouldn't make. Yet, I don't really fit in with AS people, either. I didn't have many of the learning problems AS kids tend to have. I was more of an awkward, bookish type.

Yes. I seem to have problems with just about everyone.

I never manage to fit in with NTs. Every occasion where there has been a group of them, at a party or something, I have been very aware of my differences, and it was obvious they were aware of this too. With other aspies, it varies. I get on well with some here, I feel, but on other aspie forums, I felt like a total outsider. I am always waiting for the tide to turn and for the next group of people to oust me from their midst...or for the next friend to decide I am too much trouble lol.

I accepted long ago that I don't fit into any group, nor do I want to. All groups, NT, AS, whatever, are still groups with their own codes of conduct, pecking orders, etc. I just concentrate on enjoying the company of individuals whom I really like and respect (not too many folks). I have AS, but was raised by my NT dad. He's always been a social rebel, and he taught me that deliberately trying to fit in with any group is akin to kissing a**. He's always had lots of friends, but never ran with a clique. He worked really hard to teach me to be an individual and not depend on any other person's opinion for my self-esteem. I'm glad I learned to listen to him when I was still pretty young; it has saved me a lot of heartache and wasted time.

Sounds like a great dad to me Unnamed.

I could have saved myself a lot of stress trying to fit in if I had known about my AS earlier. I am at ease now and it feels wonderful. I just accept that I won't fit in with a lot of NT situations and I won't put myself in a position where I am forced to try to compromise myself too much. I know we shouldn't have to, but some people can be very aggressiveness and misunderstand if you look at them for a fraction too long or you avoid eye contact, its all so misunderstood.

Me too, Benway! My whole AS mom's side of the family is this way, and most people find our sense of humor extremely immature and bizarre! My AS grandfather even worked as a clown for a while, if you can believe that!! I recently realized this humor fixation is kind of unusual for aspies, most of whom appear to be fascinated with more serious topics. Oh well, I do have a Dostoyevsky obsession, so I guess that evens me out a bit!

Thanks, Kaleido. After I was diagnosed, he told me that he never thought there was anything "wrong" with the way I was. He thought my quirks were funny, and he'd always just assumed I was as antisocial as he was! It was pretty comical. He always pushed me hard for good grades in school, but then roared with laughter whenever I came home and told him how I'd made a teacher look stupid! I was lucky to have him. And I'm glad to hear that you're feeling more at ease now! I am too, but it's always going to be hard for all of us at times. I've finally accepted that those who tend to misunderstand our communication style wouldn't be too pleasant for us to have around in the first place. Social issues have a way of sorting themselves out for the better, if we stop worrying about what the other person thinks of us, and instead decide whether or not we like them!