The End of Social Issues

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What a haughty title.

I'm 25, have had a girlfriend, graduated college, maintain a few close relationships and a steady job. But one thing still plaguing me- and if you're anything like me, plaguing you- is social anxiety around crowds and the opposite sex.

TL;DR: Here's the thing, my entire life I have been told my social difficulties were a result of my autism, but I don't think this way anymore. It's an approval addiction, if you will.

I think the biggest thing that trips me (us?) up is, when I am in a conversation that matters I second-guess everything I say; I over-analyze every reaction someone makes in regard to me, to see if I said something offensive.

I create personas and act out to get attention, which in turn really keeps people at arm's length. Many times I act as if I will be rejected if I say the wrong thing, which causes me to act in a way that is well, rejectable.

A while back I posted a forum that asked if anyone had problems compulsively daydreaming which got a lot of responses. Now I know that all of my compulsive daydreaming is about being popular. These actions are really unacceptable anymore.

THOUGHTS

Alas, what you stated is really the way of the world, no matter your neurological status.

I bet EVERY guy who has survived past his 14th birthday has gone over their conversations with girls/women (especially those whom they have an interest in) with a fine-tooth comb.

This is part and parcel of being a man.

It's not "abnormal," in my opinion, to ruminate over a conversation you've recently had with a woman whom you're interested in. In fact, it could be said to be healthy. Frustrating......irritating...but healthy.

I understand and agree with what you mean. These problems face everyone.

What I am talking about is the people who go to these boards, like I do, trying to perfect themselves socially, who stay isolated in their rooms all day because they feel they don't fit in, and most important of all, maladaptively daydream, and recognize it as a bad thing that needs to be excised.

If I can get just five people to PM me that agree that maladptive daydreaming is bad, and is tied to social anxiety issues and autism, I'll be happy.

Well, I certainly agree with you. I do sometimes isolate myself, but that is just a method of protection that I employ to save my 'sanity' ( whatever that is ). Generally speaking, I try to socialize as much as I can stand, but I do push myself a little bit from time to time to expand my horizons. I think that this is very beneficial to me.

I heard about daydreaming, but it was many years before I realised I did it, and so much! I guess the part of me that should have noticed, was busy with fantasy. I will agree with you. I don't do it now and life is very bleak as a result but that is where I have to start.

I never saw much future in daydreaming or wanting to be extremely popular. I just try to set myself mediocre targets socially, and I generally achieve them. My best social "achievements" have more or less dropped into my lap, I just gave them a nudge here and there. It's a bit different with practical goals. I find it hard not to set high standards and graft away until the job's done. But I don't really dream of any fantastic success, I just get on with the donkey work and stay realistic about the chances of getting it right.