Do we, ASDers, "need" to be right?

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A few recent posts / threads, on this site (various forums), prompted me to start this discussion----and, prompted me, to a theory.....

I'm thinking that maybe ONE of the reasons why we, ASDers, feel the need to be right, all-the-time, is because we've been told, all-of-our-lives, that we're wrong; so, maybe, one of the reasons we study ourselves to death, is so that we WON'T be wrong. I'm thinking that, possibly, in actuality, more-often-than-not, people were telling us we were wrong, in the "you're not normal" sense, and taking people literally, as we do, we over-corrected, maybe.

I'm also thinking that, sometimes, when we're so adamant about pointing-out that others are wrong, is us, maybe, taking "it" out, on the wrong people ("it" being our anger toward the people who told us, we were wrong).

I'm also thinking that maybe one of the reasons we "need" OTHER people to be right, all-the-time----whether that means we think we can "pound" (not literally) "right" into their head, or we just think people shouldn't be going-around spouting anything, but facts----might be a sign that we are a bit of a "control freak". (I have another theory, as to why people are control freaks..... I'm thinking people want to control what's on the OUTSIDE, because they can't control what's on the INSIDE----with US, that would be when our brains / neurological systems won't act, the way we want them to.) I totally understand a feeling of "Well, if everybody only spoke fact, then I wouldn't have to exert so much energy, in correcting them"----but, again, that's, IMO, being a bit of a control-freak, because there are always, generally speaking, counter-facts; and, just because others have different facts, from ours, it doesn't make their facts wrong, it just makes them different----everybody espouses the facts that they believe, and not everybody is gonna believe the same facts.

Thoughts?

I would guess, based upon a bit of objective reflection, that I have at least some need to be "right."

I must accept that I'm not always "right," though. This realization would assist me in my learning.

i do not feel the "need" to be right because i always am right.

I think everyone feels the need to be right all-the-time. NTs are just better able to hide it.

I don't feel the need to be right, all-the-time----I did, when I was a "kid" (20s and 30s); now, I just walk away, change the subject, go to another thread, or whatever. I'm thinking some people don't want to do that, though, because they're afraid the other person would take that, then, as them backing-down----when, in actuality, when someone ceases to carry-on a conversation, it doesn't always mean that they are doing-so, because the other person was RIGHT, and they just don't want to admit that; it might just be that they feel the conversation's not going anywhere.

This is quite true for me. However, it seems to be more important in real life then when I'm online.

I think maybe it's a "perspective taking" thing. Like it's more difficult for use to conceptualize when there is information we're not seeing, or ways to analyze that information that we have not considered.

I found researching cognitive biases to be helpful in containing my need to be right. It's humbling to learn about how flawed our brains our and how limited individual perception can be. When I'm in an argument, I often still get caught up in the moment, but I find myself avoiding and staying out of arguments more often. I sit on the sidelines and try to absorb what I can. It's far easier for me to change my position on something if I haven't firmly committed to a position to begin with.

I agree with this theory.


And kinda scary.

The more secure I feel about my identity, the less I am concerned with other's perceptions.

I seek, at times, to control how others perceive me. I don't seek to control anybody else.

Online arguments are actually a big problem for me. Once I enter an argument it's like I can't turn it off. Even if I walk away from the computer, my mind keeps going over it, sometimes for hours. This is sort of a pet peeve of mine in online autism communities. It makes it really hard to engage in some of the places where people disagree a lot (usually NT parents and autistic adults).


I get this a lot with my wife. If we're having a discussion about something, it's really difficult for me to let factual inaccuracies pass, even if they're not exactly relevant to the topic. One time I tried explaining to her that it feels like being asked baited questions. Like if someone asked, "why do you love babies and Hitler" and expected me to just respond to babies portion. I don't think she really understood what I was getting at though.

Edit: I left-out part of one of my thoughts.