How do you not let little things stress you out?
GPS being confusing to follow on my phone
nearly falling while walking in the store (I have a bad knee)
Being unable to get free tickets to an event (for the theme park) I thought I researched it right but I forgot something
I get home and I'm SUPER ANXIETY STRESSED DEPRESSED! TIRED DRAINED!! !! Want to cry!
To my parents these are "little things" not worth getting stressed over (as they say).
A few weeks ago my sister was in the hospital due to a new heart condition OMG! mom had to come home and have a beer SUPER STRESSED! (sister is fine BTW)
Well a few days ago back into hospital (i'd say this is about 2 weeks later) again BIG STRESSOR OMG! upset come home have a beer.
Both times ok she's fine no big deal. She isn't dying/on her death bed she'll be fine.
I put it in the back of my mind and try not to worry about this (in there eyes "big issue") there (as in mom/dad)
Yet these little things above "OMG! why are you so stressed it's no big deal) they suggest I shouldn't get so stressed over the small things but I DO.
How can I not get stressed by the small things?
I love I don't OMG! over the big ones but the small ones I look weird crazy and feel I'm "hated" for getting stressed over "small issues."
Please help with this issue if anyone can relate and has some tips.
I'm not very successful - cried on Monday morning after getting home from work. Too many "little things" going on right now with school starting in a couple weeks (doctor appts, immunizations, online school work already). Problems at work - as usual because I work with too many women (need I say more?). Problems with my Pa. I need to get back on my exercise stuff again. I keep eating the wrong kinds of food too. I'm a worrywart.
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Stress happens and from experience when you try to suppress it, it will eventually catch up with you. I think a better question is "What is a healthy way to deal with stress". That's a question I'm still working out, although I have found that talking about it helps, which is why it is so important to have friends and family, or at least a forum where you can let it all out
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At some point, I realized little things going wrong were inevitable. I picked a number (5 or 10, I don't remember) for each day and when something went wrong, I thought "well, there it is". On days with a high number of things going wrong, I just think "this is a bad day" and a few of those are inevitable, also.
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OliveOilMom
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nearly falling while walking in the store (I have a bad knee)
Being unable to get free tickets to an event (for the theme park) I thought I researched it right but I forgot something
I get home and I'm SUPER ANXIETY STRESSED DEPRESSED! TIRED DRAINED!! ! ! Want to cry!
To my parents these are "little things" not worth getting stressed over (as they say).
A few weeks ago my sister was in the hospital due to a new heart condition OMG! mom had to come home and have a beer SUPER STRESSED! (sister is fine BTW)
Well a few days ago back into hospital (i'd say this is about 2 weeks later) again BIG STRESSOR OMG! upset come home have a beer.
Both times ok she's fine no big deal. She isn't dying/on her death bed she'll be fine.
I put it in the back of my mind and try not to worry about this (in there eyes "big issue") there (as in mom/dad)
Yet these little things above "OMG! why are you so stressed it's no big deal) they suggest I shouldn't get so stressed over the small things but I DO.
How can I not get stressed by the small things?
I love I don't OMG! over the big ones but the small ones I look weird crazy and feel I'm "hated" for getting stressed over "small issues."
Please help with this issue if anyone can relate and has some tips.
You're not going to like what i have to say, but before I say it I want to tell you that if something frustrates you to a certain point, or you are having a bad day and it's just the last straw, then any little thing can become big in your mind because it's the thing that is pissing you off. The things you were describing pissed you off, and understandably so. I would be too. I'd probably not lose it over that unless stuff has been building up and I'm at the point where one more little thing going wrong will be the final straw. Everybody has a different threshold for that stuff, and it changes from time to time, and for some people it increases as you get older and you are more mature. You learn how to handle how you react outwardly and that helps you somewhat calm down mentally. Frustration is what pushes me to a meltdown many times, and I so get it.
Here comes the part you won't like, but I feel I need to explain it to you. When a parent has a child that is sick, even if it's strep throat, it's very stressful because we worry. Our children are the most important people in the world to us and we are terrified of something bad happening to them. If a child is in the hospital with something wrong with their heart, even if the doctors say it's minor and will most likely be fine, it will be huge stress on a parent and much more than any frustration or anger could ever cause. Just the slim chance of something bad happening to our child, and with a heart problem no matter how "little" there is a chance of sudden death, is enough to cause more stress than a years worth of frustration and anger over piddly stuff that you wouldn't mourn or miss for the rest of your life if you lost it. It stays in the back of your mind and you are terrified constantly until they are better, and then and only then does it just begin to fade. And you are always afraid of it happening again to them, or another child of yours.
I'll try and explain the difference here because I believe you really don't understand it and you feel that your several things which upset you so much were at least equal to your mom's stress over your sisters heart problem. They are not. It's a very, very different kind of feeling, and more intense than anything you will ever get over almost falling, or some GPS or tech crap or some show. You don't love those things more than your very life and if they were taken from you (like not being able to get tickets) you wouldn't mourn that and miss it intensely for the rest of your life. You wouldn't remember the chance to go to that show every day and be so sad you have to force yourself to go on simply because there is another show you like just as much and you need to be there for the curtain. It is NOTHING like a childs heart problem or any health problem.
Think of the thing you love most in the world and that would ruin your life if it were taken away or something happened to it. Now imagine that stuff you mentioned compared to whatever this tragic thing would be that would be the worst thing you could imagine happening to you. That is your stuff (or anybody's day to day stuff that doesn't carry the weight of a loved ones life) compared to your sisters health problem, even if there is barely a chance something bad would happen to her. It doesn't mean she is more important than you, but it means her life is more important than your GPS or almost falling or the tickets. It's very different. It would be like the stress of the things you mentioned for you compared to sitting held hostage in your home for days tied to a chair and helpless while somebody stood there with a loaded gun to your parents and siblings and pets and whoever else you love and care about's heads. It's the threat of the worst happening.
I hope you understand it better now. I'm trying to explain it to you from a mother's standpoint but also from somebody who has trouble with frustration over stuff that doesn't matter at all really and is little.
I would like to tell you something you may not realize, and I hope you don't realize it, but when you compare your GPS and tickets and almost falling at the store to your sisters heart problem and try to say that those are just as stressful then it makes you sound kind of bad. That is putting it nicely and I am putting it nicely here because I don't think you mean to nor understand your moms feelings. People will think you are mean if you say that, or heartless, or even a psycho or something. At the very least they will think you are a self centered brat who doesn't care about anyone but himself. I don't think that, but they will if you try to compare anything at all really, to what a parent feels when their child is in the hospital with a heart problem, unless it is something of equal seriousness to your own child (I'm pretty sure you don't have any yet). So try to keep those kinds of questions for here or for your counselor if you have one or for another adult who you can talk to about things like this and who understands you and listens and doesn't jsut react. I'm advising this so people don't get mad. I'd also not say anything like that to your mom either. While she knows you don't get it, it makes her think you don't care about your sister's life or your mom's pain and fear from the worry over it. That hurts a mother to believe that.
If you understand it better now, maybe you could talk to her about it and explain to her that you didn't see the different, or that you still don't if you don't, and maybe ya'll can talk about it and she can explain it better to you than I can. But it would probably make her feel good if you told her that her feelings matter to you and you want her to be happy and that you are glad your sister will be ok. That sounds cheesy and stupid, but we like that kind of thing sometimes, especially after a lot of stress and what I imagine wasn't a pleasant discussion of how it's different.
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Yeah, you are right that stress can cause so many health problems. We have to deal with this problem as soon as possible. I think acupuncture therapies are one of the best ways to deal with this stress problem. I heard that acupuncture port credit gives you best relieve from any kind of anxiety.
Sweetleaf
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Well to most people a family member going to the hospital(even if everything turns out to be ok) is a big deal, because it means there could be something seriously wrong so its a lot of worrying about that person. But its not wrong that you don't get worked up over it either...not caring at all if your sister ends up in the hospital probably would not be a good thing.
With your GPS why is it hard to follow? I've used mine and aside from it sometimes not giving the best route the actual following part isn't very hard so I suppose I am just unclear on how that is hard to follow.
If you nearly fall when walking in the store at grocery stores and places like that you could always use your shopping cart to carry stuff and for extra support so you don't fall maybe....or maybe get a knee brace if its bad in the sense it gives out on you since that will help it stay more stable when you're walking...I'd suggest a cane or walking stick but of course then it may look more serious than it is but I know if you were on the verge of falling it could help.
I don't think I have a bad knee but sometimes either of my knees will just give out and I've fallen...I thought maybe it could be anxiety related but it doesn't specifically happen if I am anxious usually just random. So on some level I can relate to the embarrassment of just randomly falling for what appears to everyone else to be no reason.
I'd be upset if I thought i could get free tickets to something and found out I did something wrong and can't get them to...but then usually if I am getting tickets its for a concert and concerts are a big deal to me. So yeah if it was something you really were looking forward to and without the free tickets you can't afford it...its not such a little thing, so makes plenty of sense to be bummed about that.
But yeah I can get very stressed/depressed over having a bunch of little issues all day that have just collectively really stressed me out/upset me or maybe a few things have bothered me and then one more thing comes along. Sometimes I just have to distract myself and try and relax and address certain things later...like if I cannot find something I am looking for I could get all worked up/frustrated trying to find it or leave it alone for a while and then come back to it. And this may sound stupid but when something kinda small does bother you...sometimes it helps me to just re-assure myself its ok, and not a big deal and that everyone makes stupid little mistakes or struggles with things that may be easy once they figure it out.....but I kinda get in a loop of thinking 'uhh I'm so stupid, why can't I figure this out or do this right' not sure if you experience that. But yeah sounds like you just need a good way to relax when stuff gets to overwhelming you. I personally find marijuana to do wonders for helping me relax but not everyone likes mind altering substances such as that.
Aside from that some things I like are incense in calming scents or an essential oil burner to heat calming smelling essential oils, a nice long shower or bath, sit down and have a calming cup of tea, use a tincture like valarian or lavender to help calm nerves(those can be found at health food stores). Also I find taking a break from something that is frustrating me helps, then usually I can go back later and deal with it more calmly and effectively. Not sure if any of that helps at all.
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I struggle with the same issues. I am very impatient and short-tempered. Very quick to anger. VERY. So I understand.
I am told constantly that I stress over things I shouldn't. That such things are small and do not warrant a reaction like I have. This makes me very angry. I also understand seeing the very same people stressing over things I perceive to not be a big deal and feeling they are hypocrites when they do. Ive wrestled with this most of my adult life and I am 37. I still wrestle with it almost daily. Especially when my brain chemicals decide it's going to be a down mood, anxiety off the charts day.
Ive tried many different approaches. I've tried bottling it. Just holding it in as much as I could to avoid being viewed as nuts or getting into an argument. This did not help because it led to more unpredictable and volatile blow ups, which are counterproductive. I've tried deeply evaluating in a logical manner the reasons for why I'd get so mad. really break it down like I can. And came to the conclusion that there WAS no logical reason, because these reactions are not logical, the entire process not being rooted in any form of discernible logic. Ive had trusted people try to talk me through things, but really I only know one person who truly gets it, so that just resulted in more frustration. Ive allowed myself to feel and act however I damn well pleased whenever I chose. This actually felt the best inside for me. However it was the most damaging for my relationships, in particular, my marriage.
My best suggestion is "allowable outbursts" or "crash landings" if you prefer. What I mean is, when you are NOT in that state, you have to form gameplans for dealing with certain situations while you are ina clear mindset to actually do so. Following an outburst, when the balloon finally deflates, go back and critically evaluate the sources of your stress, your reactions and why these things get you the way they do. Gather as much information as possible about your triggers and try to be in tune with your own person ups and downs.
Once you do you can better manage your outbursts. Let yourself be pissed. Cry if you have to. I personally have always hit inanimate objects, sometimes until I bleed. It cannot be totally held in, just steered to a better place. But I get a limit. Either one per day, or five minutes at a time, whatever it is for the certain situation. Get it out and move on the best you can. To me the key is avoiding the snowball effect. Letting one small thing pile up with another, and another until it becomes too huge to manage in any effective way. Now you have to be aware of time and place and where these things can best be done. usually in private. Go for a walk in the woods. Scream at the top of your lungs all the obscenities you can think of. But after that its over. Done. Its all out. This takes time and practice to find you own best method, but it start with understanding yourself and what makes you that way. Then giving yourself a predetermined outlet to deal with it. Its all about being functional in life while accepting your issues instead of fighting them, just giving them a strict place to be. As a self imposed rule follower, this was the best way for me. When I set my own rule, I dont break it. This may not be the way for you. But you have to explore and examine and things reveal themselves. And this has to be done in a calm state of mind before or after the fact. Otherwise it's tainted by the same feelings you are trying to manage and it's not unbiased evaluations.
Also as a side note sorta, no one can tell you whats small or big because that's relative to the person. Sure, there are common things that are typically considered big or small, but that's still just arbitrary based on whatever sense of "normal" people adhere to. Someone else's health may not be a big concern to you. Maybe it should be. Maybe it shouldn't. I don't know, if my brother were to die, Id barely care. I dont like him and we dont speak. However if my bird did I may never be the same. If I cannot acquire my "medicine" my world is falling apart, but I could have others in my life going thru a crisis and I still care more about what's bothering me. Sure, this is maybe selfish Im told. So Im selfish. It's all opinion. But, you live in a world, so you have to try to avoid comparing your problems to others. Even if they do. BEcause you'll always look wrong.
Good luck, keep trying...
Now these outbursts also have to be managed as
To my parents these are "little things" not worth getting stressed over (as they say).
A few weeks ago my sister was in the hospital due to a new heart condition OMG! mom had to come home and have a beer SUPER STRESSED! (sister is fine BTW)
Well a few days ago back into hospital (i'd say this is about 2 weeks later) again BIG STRESSOR OMG! upset come home have a beer.
Both times ok she's fine no big deal. She isn't dying/on her death bed she'll be fine.
I put it in the back of my mind and try not to worry about this (in there eyes "big issue") there (as in mom/dad)
Yet these little things above "OMG! why are you so stressed it's no big deal) they suggest I shouldn't get so stressed over the small things but I DO.
How can I not get stressed by the small things?
I love I don't OMG! over the big ones but the small ones I look weird crazy and feel I'm "hated" for getting stressed over "small issues."
Please help with this issue if anyone can relate and has some tips.
I get stressed over big and little things and if you have a good relationship with your parents I would ask them how they cope with the big and little stressed....and listen carefully to the answer!! Because it's the same answer I think, for big or small things. Staying calm is staying calm.
And, if your parents can't answer, and maybe even if they can, I'd look for the answer in other places, too....friends, teachers, counsellors, coworkers..... whatever is applicable to you.
If you focus on expressing something positive like feeling gratitude your sister is ok it should help you seem more logical to your parents. Also I imagine like most people you can handle stress up to a point before it becomes too much and I think a lot of us take awhile to react, so mentioning that coping with worrying for your sister and trying not to worry for her and your parents' sakes leaves you more prone to falling apart over little stuff after the crisis has passed. Same for your parents, though.
I hope I am making sense. Just saying that keeping myself from worrying about something sometimes makes me more easily upset by the next thing that comes along, big or small. And being around upset people isn't easy. But showing empathy can be contagious so listen to your parents point of view, it may help, and if they aren't more empathic when you do....it's still a good thing to do for someone you love!
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