A question for those who self harm

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Hi everyone I haven't been on WP for quite some time. I am a mild aspie ish I'm not formally diagnosed psychologist says I have NVLD and because of my CP (Cerebral Palsy) which could be the reason for my sensory processing issues they're hesitant to call me an aspie. Anyway I've decided to write a novel/short story about a boy with moderate autism but since I'm on the mild end of the spectrum I want input from you guys. My question is: Is there a thought process behind when you self harm is it a sensory thing? Do you only do it during a meltdown? Do you wish you didn't do it/ could stop? Thanks for the help!

For me at least it happens when i am very frustrated (and i am very very frustrated when i am having a meltdown).
I sometimes scratch at my skin because there is so much frustration and anger and it feels like there is no other release, sometimes it feels as if my owns hands weren't my own anymore. Idk why i do it, cant stop. Someone has to hold my hands so i wont scratch myself until i bleed.
As i said it is out of frustration and anger, and maybe even to "distract" yourself from the actual problem, the meltdown.
I think it could in some cases be considered a stim, cause it, in moderation does calm you down.
It feels like i just want to collapse and be home alone in my bed screaming, when i am having a meltdown.
Sorry if the explanation was unstructured, i am not sure how i should explain it

I self-harm predominantly because of profound feelings of apathy, depersonalisation and the mere fact that I am estranged from the world and its occupying inhabitants. But, for me, the most frustrating thing of all is that I am unable to truly understand my own thoughts, feelings and emotions. If, for example, someone 'close' to me dies, I am left feeling unperturbed, puzzled and ashamed at my own lack of emotion. Thus my whole existence in this world is terribly inauthentic and apart of me cannot wait for it to end.

....I think I may have contradicted myself in the penultimate sentence. *scratches flea-ridden head*

I had a self harm scratching/cutting problem when I was 13 that I got cognitive behavioral therapy for. I did it out of frustration, sensory input and a feeling of release. "Hurts so good".

For me, I self-injure for two reasons:

To have a visible sign of the emotional turmoil I'm in - especially since I tend to forget I had a meltdown shortly after it's over, and a bruise reminds me to be nurturing to myself because I'm still feeling vulnerable.

To convince someone else to show caring and concern for me, or stop doing something that is hurting me emotionally. In the midst of an argument, suddenly starting to self-injure can be a way to interrupt the argument and redirect attention on calming me down.

Then again, I also have C-PTSD with borderline tendencies, and that can cause self-injury too. I mostly self-injure when triggered, so I doubt it has much to do with my autism.

Depends on what you mean by "self harm".

I hit myself (and injure myself hitting/breaking inanimate objects) during meltdowns. This is a purely instinctive behavior rather than something I think about. The meltdowns themselves are caused by any kind of overload -- sensory, emotional, or cognitive (although really, it all ends up being an emotional thing in the end given that my meltdowns are driven by the fight/flight response)....there's no particular thought process leading up to the meltdown.

Outside of meltdowns, I may smack myself with random objects or bite myself, but those behaviors don't actually cause damage (e.g. bruising, cuts) nor do they necessarily cause pain so I don't think of them as "self-harm". The smacking myself with random objects is something I do absent-mindedly when I'm bored, restless or thinking/concentrating -- more of a sensory-seeking thing. The biting myself can be absent-minded/sensory-seeking, too, but I have also deliberately bitten myself to cause pain when trying to remain calm and stave-off meltdowns (pain can be calming)....but again, I don't really think of it as "harm" because I don't actually do any damage.

For some people, before: feeling confused or without a direction; bored. amazing when u actually do it. Can help you to focus. Not good but not later when your marked up and people ask you about it.

I tend to hit myself and inanimate objects when I am frustrated/stymied. There are times when I could control the intensity of the hitting; other times, I cannot.

When i was young ( i really liked legos) i would get mad over something and smash the legos i had built (it happend several times and i always regretted it afterwords, but i felt like i had no control).

When I do "self harm", it's mainly in the form of scratching. Though I do sometimes bite or hit myself. Have hit the wall before, but I've never broke anything. It's out of frustration mainly, though I sometimes may unintentionally scratch and pick at my skin if I'm anxious too.

if I fail bad at something, I tend to give myself a reminder by punching myself, but really punching myself once, fast in the side of my head. Happens maybe 3-4 a year. I also only throw one punch. I would never do this to anyone else if they'd fail.

For me, it only happens during meltdowns, and it is kind of a sensory thing; the pain and the violent physical movement of hitting or biting myself drain some of the rage, like a pressure valve. I also yell (no words, just sound), jump up and down, and kick things, all as a means of releasing the pressure. It also helps in that it wears me out, so eventually I'm too tired to keep it up, and my body's physical collapse allows my emotional volatility to drop, cooling off the anger.

I'm interested in hearing more about your story; novels with autistic protagonists are my favourite kind.

I scratch up my arms to the point of drawing quite a bit of blood. This is quite a recent behavioural development for me. I do it when I am driven to extremes and it is done, quite calculatingly, to try to attract sympathy from others- I am saying "Look- this is how badly I hurt inside". It does not work so it's all a bit pathetic really and I should have grown out of it.

I self harm for 2 reasons/ways:
cutting: stress/depression/anxiety/overwhelmed/feeling "done"

hitting my head on the wall: sensory overload, normally to sounds I bang my head to try to block out the sounds or just as punishment to myself almost