Social motivation. I have none.

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Social motivation. I have none. I would really appreciate any ideas on how to begin wanting to interact with people?

I just really don't want to be around people or communicate at all.   I recognize that being antisocial is a slippery slope that I should try not to slip too far down...but forcing myself (for years!) has been so exhausting.  I am hoping to find a way to want to interact with family, friends and colleagues that  will not be just about forcing myself to deduce and respond to what others want or need.  

Very grateful for any help

Well, to me, the fact that you're asking implies you have some slight motivation already.

Maybe just a long time of not knowing really how has gotten you discouraged?

I'd first take a hard look inside to see if you really dont have the motivation, or if you've convinced yourself of that because its too painful/frustrating/scary to continually not be able to. I know I am a quitter. I also know that when I quit, and its something I feel I shouldnt be quitting, I find reasons to justify it to myself so Im not regretful. But maybe that's just me.

Maybe it's just that you have found people you are comfortable around or people who share your interests.

On the other hand, if you can honestly say you're 100% fine with not socializing, then why fight it? If you've gotten along this long, and dont feel sad or lonely about it, I see now reason to force yourself out of it. Colleagues implies a job, so you're obviously functional.

Seek out people who share similar interests in you.

And seek out people who like to discuss things, rather than argue things.

Thanks so much Beakybird. I really appreciate your help.

I definitely have *some motivation to socialize*...the problem (as I see it) is that my *motivation* is external - making sure that the people I care about or am in some way responsible to get their needs met is the only *motivating* factor for me to interact with others. I can't figure out how to shift a bit of that motivation to something internal - others seem to find some interest or happiness in being with people. I want to figure out how to cultivate some sort of drive to be with people, both because the people in my life deserve more than to be endured by me and also because only expending energy meeting other people's needs is exhausting to the point that it is contributing to burn-out.

I am going to think carefully about what you said regarding being discouraged by long term social difficulties (which i agree are coloring my view of myself and this issue) and weather I may be justifying quitting. You are definitely not the only one Justifying emotionally challenging decisions...I am an expert rationalizer! I try really hard to hold myself to high standards though, so I sincerely appreciate the perspective - I had not considered that this might be something I could be doing.

I really am 100% happy with not socializing (I don't understand the concept of lonliness and am only content when alone), but the riddle of it is that others require me to be social to meet their practical and emotional needs and I want them to be well...I just also wish that I could get something out of it all. It's like a puzzle and I don't have all the pieces.

I don't think I've ever participated in another message board that has so many posts where my first reaction is: "that's exactly like me". Anyhow...

I'm not sure I have specific advice on how to want to socially interact, but perhaps you can motivate yourself by looking at your career goals et al and realize that you may need those very social skills in order to not cut your career path short.

I also have very little urge to want to interact with others, but - like it sounds like you have concluded - I have a need to interact with others in a professional environment, otherwise I'm risking capping my career ceiling even lower than it is now. The entire time I'm in my office each week, I'm basically an actor - an actor that definitely slips up several times each week.

I know that wasn't very helpful, but I definitely appreciate where you are coming from.

Thanks so much Kraftiekortie. I will try - Your advice is very much appreciated.

Do you have special interests--like in the sciences?

Or maybe what's going on in the world?

Here's where you could get at least some answers.

That would be motivation to me.

To want to talk to someone who shares the same philosophy of life as I do.

Thank you kindly BudDickman. Just the fact that you 'get it' is actually very helpful.

I have been attempting to think my way out of this problem for ages and your analogy of feeling like an actor is so spot-on. Trying to fake sociability always feels like acting...and I am also ALWAYS slipping up too! I wish I had a script or could re-set for another take!

Trying to focus on intellectual motivations/big-picture goals like career path etc...is actually really useful advise that I will be trying to implement immediately.

Thank you very much indeed Kraftiekortie.

I definitely have some special interests that I like to think about and research...but when I was little I was told not to talk about them because I would go on and on....and on and on and on! I didn't know about autism way back then and neither did my family or teachers.

Even though I should know better now, I still have trouble talking about things I am really interested in because I don't know when to stop talking (can't usually figure out if other people are bored!) so I just enjoy my interests on my own. I did notice that the forum has a section for discussing interests and I think I might try joining in there one day soon because of your advise.

Maybe finding people who share the same philosophy of life will be motivation for me too! Thanks again for your answers.

You're very welcome

Disclaimer - my perspective probably isn't the acceptable one, and likely sounds self-serving, BUT -
My motivations for interacting with others socially is purely information gathering. To learn something I can later use to some constructive purpose that will benefit me. It's almost always because others have information I need, am interested in or curious about, and can explain or demonstrate so I can understand it. Or they may have solutions to problems I have and I want to find said solution. I've been thinking about this too after an experiment based on socialising with others for no other reason but to socialise completely flopped - maybe try socialising with a purpose behind it, something to be gained that is of benefit to you.

Thank you kindly C2V. I find your perspectve completely acceptable, though I know what you mean about feeling like I'm not supposed to choose self-serving strategies (or at least not supposed to admit to doing so! Social rules suck sometimes.)

Your idea to try socializing with a purpose is helpful. I have found it easier to engage with people when there is a joint project or goal to work on. The idea of thinking about time spent with people as opportunities to gather information and achieve goals had not occured to me (it only occurs to me to do reading type research, so it realy helps to sort of reframe people as information sources) I have been hoping to find positive/optimistic solutions to try & this seems like it will help.

I have never joined any type of forum before and this is the first question I have asked...I think, based on the responses I have gotten (thx!) that the strategy of getting information and problem solving help from people may be very useful to me as a motivation to socialize.

Nothing wrong with information gathering from people. But...always....treat your social partner with respect. If the other person wants information from you, offer that person the information, like he/she would offer information to you.

Being social is about being friendly, and giving as well as taking.

Yes I think that shared interests is the way to go. Personally I have little interest in being with people just for the sake of it, but if somebody is working on or talking about about something I'm interested in, I usually want to join in.

You are better off without social motivation. Take a look around WP and read the posts of people who want more social interaction. They are frustrated and unhappy and have limited ability to do anything about it because they have no power over other people. Once you start desiring more social interaction, you run the risk of putting yourself in a similar situation; relying on others for part of your happiness and therefore vulnerable to their unpredictable desires.

Even if you get the social interaction you want, you expose yourself to negatives aspects that come with it. People are more likely to see that you are willing to be approached and approach you regardless of whether or not you want to be approached. With more people in your life, you are more likely to get into arguments and have social expectations placed on you that you can't or don't want to meet. People do bizarre stuff like implicitly expect you to call them, get upset when you don't, don't tell you about it, then explode and suddenly bring it up in a completely unrelated argument. In other words, you risk becoming embroiled in the ludicrous social games people play. Are you willing to deal with this stuff? Are the expected benefits worth the trouble?

Does lack of social motivation cause you any serious problems? I don't see why you would want to change. Enjoy your independence.

Thanks so much Kraftiekortie.

Yes, I completely agree that treating people with respect and as much consideration as possible should always be the most important thing. Kindness for it's own sake is always more valuable than any information that people might have to exchange. Sometimes finding a way to be generous with the person I am talking to is hard, but it always works out to be a good choice.