Need advice by 4/3.

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The time to pick roommates for next year is approaching at my school. I'm required to live in the dorm with a roommate next year by school policy. It seems like everybody else already has their roommate picked. The reason I need advice by the third is because there is a social mixer for meeting potential roommates for next year on the third at my school.

I am terrible at this. Social mixers are not my thing (obviously, that's why I'm on WP). I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place because I am bad at social mixers but I might need to go because no one I know wants to be my roommate. Should I even go and if I do, do any of you have any tips for how to navigate something like this? Advice please? I'll be really grateful for it.

Is there someone in charge of this area? I would suggest talking to them and explaining your "social disability" and the level of "stress" this is causing. They may be able to offer advice, or maybe they know someone in the same boat!

I know it is on a much smaller scale, but my 12 year old had to find a "partner" for a 2 day camp at school. His teacher placed him with a group of boys he did not know from a grade up, and it worked out really well. The strange thing is, the 3 boys all did not have "partners" however they all knew eachother, only my son was the "newbie".

4 boys, no partner. 3 boys that like eachother, but did not ask eachother to be a partner! Can you say the "Asperger room? Just kidding! To me, everyone seems to have some form of ASD!

Do you have an official diagnosis you can get to obtain a single room?

Yeah, I'm serious--if you can say, "Hey, I'm an Aspie--I need my space," document that your AS means high stress levels if forced to room with someone (that is, be socially acceptable all day instead of just in public), then a single room could be a reasonable accomodation.

I talked my college into this, and it was heaven. The room was small and hot, but it was all mine and I had privacy... Worth it. Totally worth it.

I've told you before, schools have to make reasonable accomodations for those with disabilities. You have the DX, just contacting the housing authority (by e-mail even) and explain your circumstances. It may be harder at this late moment, but they should be able to offer some help still.

They should realize that they cannot force you into this kind of situation. Most organizations are VERY aware of the danger of lawsuits in the US, and if pushed a bit, I wouldn't be surprised if you could get an off-campus waiver. Probably a lot easier than learning the social skills that we've avoided for so long.

Ok, since you need to work this all out by Tuesday, this is my advice.

Go to the mixer, see if you you do "connect" with anyone there. Maybe you will meet some fantastic people! Who knows. I am sure more then one person there is in the same boat as you, maybe you will even meet a fellow Aspie, as the stats now point to the plausability in your situation you are not the only one.

If the mixer goes horribly, go to a doctor, and get a note regarding your condition, your stress over this situation, and request assistance with housing. Either they need to find you a room mate you find agreeable, or they need to BEND the rules, to give you a private room or let you live off campus.

Remember, this is a disability in the eyes of the law. It is just like if you where in a wheelchair and needed a ramp to the dorm. They can't insist you live in the dorm, if they don't provide a ramp right? They need to help you fit into the dorm. If they cannot (for example, there is no way to install a ramp if you where disabled) then they need to allow an off campus move to a place that has a ramp!

Sure, if you where paralysed, you may be able to "throw yourself out of the chair, throw the chair over your head up the stairs ahead of you, crawl up the stairs dragging your back end behind you and then struggle to get back into the chair once you get to the top!" But, that sounds ridiculous, no institution would EVER DEMAND you do that, or even want you to! And if they did, laws in the western world prohibit it!

Asking you to find a partner if one cannot be found and not offering accomidation or assistance is demeaning and a breach of your rights.

By all means, go to the mixer, work the process, do your best to "try" and find a partner, at this late date, you can't get out of that. But don't feel forced to room with someone you would rather not, or suffer the stress of walking away empty handed and feeling desperate!

If the mixer works, great, if not, persue the disability angle to get an accomidation. I agree, being "on" 100% of the time in college with nowhere for down time is not going to be easy on you!

The chances are, you're not going to be the only one nervous at the mixer. If you have to go through with it, try to find other people that seem nervous and lead the conversation by stating how nervous you are with the prospect of having to find a roommate. Good luck.

I would look for someone who is quiet and not "mixing" well. I wouldn't want to room with a flaming extravert who would have people in the room at all times. That would be torture.

Now see, me - being the type of person I am - would just ask the person I'd most likely NOT be inclined to room with.

My social compass and personal judgement is shot all to hell so I would just go with something so out of character for me.

Your actual mileage may vary.

I think you should be very careful in choosing your roommate. There are some very bad people out there.

My roommate is someone who I can interact with very well. At the time I considered this, interpersonal communication with someone was, and still is, very importato to me. He works as a social worker at an emergency center with homeless adults. He likes to listen to music because he knows that it is good for his soul. I'm a little embarrassed to admit this but most of the time, the only thing he drinks besides water is alcohol. However, he does drink responsibly though.

This is just a little advice for you. You can do what you want, but the only thing I ask of you is to be careful.

is there no roommate service that you can use where you fill out forms to find a good match for you?

that way, you could list interests and personality aspects... would be a better way imo

but give the mixer a whirl... never know. if you don't go, then you definitely know that you got nothin out of it

they have clubs for picking roomates? thats cool. i would probably put an ad in the paper that way i wouldnt have to talk