Do you need to be social, or not so much?

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A person that I know prompted this question when he called me to ask me how I keep up with friends while not having a facebook page or twitter or whatever. My response to him was something along the lines of "Sometimes I answer the phone when people call me." He went on to inform me that he hates the drama of facebook (so he stopped using that), misses people, and struggles to go out because he is an introvert with sensory issues. He does not know what to do because he cannot seem to maintain friendships without facebook. I wanted to tell him that his problem was 'that whole missing people thing', and he should stop that and the problem will be solved. He does have a live in boyfriend he will be marrying within the next six weeks... why he needs more people is beyond my comprehension. His fellow would seem to be plenty of people, if you ask me. I know enough to know that he cannot simply stop missing people, so I did not actually tell him to stop missing people, or ask him why his soon to be spouse was not good enough. Instead, I suggested he try a small coffee shop.

Anyway, the conversation got me thinking about how I fall far out of the range of what is considered normal where social interactions are concerned. It does not much occur to me to pick up a phone and call someone to chat about nothing in particular. I might do that once a year, if I do that at all. If I have a question or information to pass along, I might think to call someone or do something like show up here and ask a question about socializing. I do not really find myself sitting around the house one day missing people and wanting to go out and do something or have someone over for a cup of coffee. I am married, but my spouse works and attends university full time so I rarely see him and then he is usually asleep or doing homework. He is not a fan of casual conversation either so it works well for us. Though in all fairness, I do want his attention now and then and he does want mine now and then so we will make accommodations for the other. We do care deeply for each other and both laugh about how no one else would put up with us anyway. Heh heh.

So yeah, I am curious today... do you feel the need to be social, or do you not feel the need to be social? Also, if you do feel the need to be social, how do you handle that... do you call people, text them, use social media, have people over to your house or do you venture out to go see them? I am curious as well about you social beings... what do you find satisfying about being around others? As for you fellow not so social people, I know I would like to hear your thoughts on socialization in general, if you would care to speak on that.

Not much at all

I like to be near but not necessarily with other people, if that makes sense.

IOW, I really like knowing there are other people in the house...I love to hear them talking, interacting...I like that energy. BUT I don't necessarily want to engage.

Interestingly, this is much like my Classic/Kanner autistic son, who is always dying to go to the playground and winds up just walking and walking the perimeter. Once in a while someone will ask me what's up and tell me with sad voices that my son looks so lonely. He isn't...he's having the time of his life. A few minutes on the swings followed by walking, walking walking and just thinking and watching/hearing the other kids play, from a distance, is a happy feeling for him.

As for the phone, dear God but I detest it, always have.

I do. Although I go through phases of needing it more and phases of needing it less.

I would rather not be social with 'nytypical' people or however you spell it, but I like being social on this forum.

I prefer, much of the time, being a spectator of, rather than a participant in, social events.

When I was a older child, I used to want to show off my knowledge of, say, the capitals of the world. I really didn't have a "social instinct." I didn't notice, nor care, that people wanted to discuss something I didn't want to discuss. Sometimes, people found me "cute"--but, most of the time, people wanted to fulfill their social objectives of the moment--so I was ignored. That really didn't bother me, actually. I would just head off and read a book or so something.

If I'm at a restaurant with a bunch of people sitting at a long table, I find it difficult to follow many conversations at once. I just stick to the people nearest me. Some people are adept at this sort of thing; I'm not--in a small sense, it shows the ability to "work a crowd."

interesting question and responses.

i feel a need to be social with the people i am circumstantially around all the time...the 11 other people in my department mainly, and to varying degrees depending on the person. it would be more awkward for me if i didn't nudge myself to interact with them and secluded myself, because they would assume that i don't like them and in turn i would be ostracized. luckily my department is pretty specific and everyone is a weirdo in their own way, so i don't stick out as "that one freak". a couple borderline real friendships have even started to form, at least i think.

outside of my department i have one best friend and my partner who is also my best friend, but i don't feel the need to be social otherwise. if i'm interacting with someone its almost always for a practical purpose.
i avoid "real life" social networking sites too, and stick mostly to anonymous forums and instagram.

Last edited by seaweed on 23 Sep 2015, 4:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I personally don't feel the "need" to be more social, but the few people who know me still say i need to me a lot more social and to get out more.

social is not good for me..its bad

Last edited by carcard on 23 Sep 2015, 4:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Being social leaves me feeling like I've been electrocuted, I have this physical sensation that seems to run through my veins and lasts for hours afterwards. I can't think about anything else, I'll be pacing up and down going over and over what was said. It takes so much out of me it's just not worth it.

Not really, I get some kicks out of clever conversations on here, but other than that I'm usually just fine by myself. I have two friends, but I never feel like I have to hang out with them.

I go through phases, but generally my need for social interaction is minimal. As has already been said, I like to be around people, and observe and listen to people interacting, without actually having to be engaged socially.

No need to be social. Have to talk to plenty of people at work, which leaves me exhausted at the end of the day. Just want to lie on the couch and watch TV/ surf web. When the weekend comes, need it to recover from the work week.

Only with a few people.

This is exactly how I feel. Sometimes I think it's a good idea and I think I might want to socialise, so I'll agree to attend some social event, but I regret it as soon as I have to get ready. I'll be in the middle of a conversation and then suddenly I'm bored and wishing the person wasn't talking to me anymore. I'm just better off in my own space and there are very few people I feel comfortable with allowing in.

This is me as well.


When I am with a bunch of people sitting at a long table, I just sit there and listen to others talk. I have found that people generally don’t like sitting next to me at the table. I suppose this is not a surprise since I have nothing interesting to say.