That feeling of exclusion -Has anyone else experienced this?

Post Reply New Topic

Hello everyone

Has anyone experienced this?:

When around strangers or people you may hang out with sometimes but aren't really good friends with do you ever just find yourself thinking "What the hell are they talking about" (even though you know what the topic is about but just don't understand why they are talking about it) or "what the hell am I missing?" or just generally "what the hell is happening?" And eventually it just feels like the other people figure out that you don't get what's happening and either turn and say something mean or just bring attention to it or begin ignoring you completely? It's almost like they notice you're not part of the group or something? Has anyone else experienced this? I feel this so often it's incredibly alienating. I try so hard to make friends and "fit in" but this always seems to get in the way. I find it happens a lot more around other girls though.

Yes I've dealt with what you speak of. For whatever reason most people steer clear of me as if a bad omen is lurking behind me. The one encounter of this nature I'll never forget was during freshman year of high school. We had a free day in band and I was playing chess with myself in the back of the room. With the naturally over active hearing that is common among us I could hear people talking about me and later people came by out of curiosity. After that one encounter I was entirely disregarded. Could be sitting or existing anywhere in a visible state of hell or internally and not a soul would give me a second thought. Shouldn't try and fit in just to make friends with people who have little interest in you. Should find the more open people like myself who would befriend anyone if they asked. No judgement here just mutalistic friendship

Well, I usually understand what people are talking about but I don't always get "why" they're talking about it/bringing it up or why it's important. It depends, really.

I have often felt alone in a group of people, yes.

Thank you for the replies. It nice to know I am not alone in this. That's exactly what I mean NowhereWoman - it's sort of a feeling of "who cares?" mixed with "why do they find this topic so important?" But yeah it does depend on what it is. But it always happens eventually in a group for me.

It feels better when you get things that bother you off of your chest. Doesn't always resolve them, but knowing that someone cares or is going through the same thing can be enough to help you go on and knowing that someone like you has gotten through it can give you hope that you too may overcome it

Oh yes, I get this. Not only do I get the "what the hell are they talking about" feeling, but I also get the "what are they even saying" feeling. I have significant auditory processing issues, especially if there is any background noise at all. This makes it difficult if more than one person is talking, or if we are in a place that is a bit noisy. I go out after work to restaurants with co-workers, and I often struggle to make out what people are saying. I'm generally too embarrassed to keep asking people to repeat themselves, so I tend to smile and nod like I know what they are saying. I think after a while, they tend to not include me because I am not contributing. There was a recent get-together at a bar in which people finally just divided into little groups, with me on the outside. I finally just got frustrated and left.

I think next time I'm going to do some research to find a quieter place, at least.

Oh, I can definitely relate to this. I remember one time in particular, my friend wanted to introduce me to some of her friends, so we all went out and did something together. I tried hard to fit in and and be more outgoing than I really am, but it was still terrible. They were talking about stuff I hadn't heard of (and acting over the top shocked that I hadn't heard of it) and doing things that seemed pointless and silly to me. I had nothing to contribute, so I more or less just stayed quiet on the outskirts of the group, being ignored and feeling so out of place. Later, I found out they had been texting each other the whole time, calling me weird, etc. That was a horrible day. I told my friend I never wanted to do anything with that group of people again.

Being in groups usually isn't that bad, but I do very often feel excluded in one way or another. I'm normally just ignored without being picked on, too.

I usually prefer it this way because then I don't have to pretend I give a s**t

I prevent being excluded from group conversations by refusing to participate in groups in the first place. I only socialize 1on1, problem solved.

I know exactly what you mean. Observing people a lot, I notice that many insecure people will do this "in-group/out-group" behavior. This behavior seems to be performed with the function of reinforcing who is "in" on the comments, and hence, who is "in" the group. People in the group are made to feel comfortable by the familiar recount, while those who aren't familiar are made to feel awkward and are ignored.

Here's the funny thing about that game: it's basically a competition to see who can be made to feel more uncomfortable, so you can trump it by simply being at-ease in awkward situations. Personally, I drink awkward with breakfast every morning, so not a problem.

I recommend doing this next time people do that around you: just keep asking them to explain themselves, RELENTLESSLY. Eventually they do stop... or they leave and relinquish the lunch-room territory. Win-win imo