Why do people assume autistic people don't have friends?

Post Reply New Topic

It's like my mother said "but you were open as a kid and had friends", well I still a few friends now. The point is: how do I interact with people and connect with them? That's the core, that's the main issue. It's not about how many friends you have. It's about how you interact with people, the sensory issues, stims and many other things. It's not just about "friends". I don't think people on the autism spectrum don't have friends. It's BS. It's just harder for us to make friends....some of us are more social, others like me are really introverted, but still....

Saying "but you have/had friends and played with them!" should not be a way to invalidate someone on the spectrum. Autism is much more than that, especially in its mild form where you could sometimes look NT (although I fail to do that).

Anyone else agree and has personal experiences with this issue?

P.S: also I think she has traits too but won't admit it, I'm not sure whether to call her NT or not, so I won't label her

Autistic people, obviously, can make friends.

It's just more difficult for them.

I agree. I mean, I don't really have many friends at all, but being autistic doesn't automatically mean we're going to lack friends

I remember that I had a few fairly toxic friends when I was a small ignorant child. They were unpleasant but I hung out with them because of boredom.

I presently have one "real-life" friend, two online friends, and a boyfriend, so overall, I don't think I'm doing to badly for an aspie.

Having friends as a kid is very different than even adolescence, IMO. You can do parallel play, don't have to know all the right things to say (I hardly spoke at all and it wasn't much of a problem until a certain age), and there's less concern with social superiority/inferiority. It's much simpler.

To my eye, people started developing adult social awareness & social competitiveness at about 11-12 y.o. and that's when social things get very complicated and ugly. Not being "cool" will matter a lot less to other people when you're 5 than 15.

So, I think your mom's premise is flawed.

I have four friends, people I actually expose myself to regularly on a deeper level. One is because we both have OCD and also share similar opinions and like animals and stuff. One because we have similar personalities. And two mostly because of a shared interest: we became friends because I have a skill they wanted me to help them learn.

Others have come and gone over the years and either used me, I neglected them unintentionally because I couldn't respond to them right because I didn't "click" with them and things just didn't work out, or because when I was younger I couldn't figure out why I was being friends with someone and it was weird to me so I sort just ignored their letters or didn't know how to respond, and probably other reasons to. Most of the reasons are probably my fault. I have one person I tried to be friends with but it didn't progress farther because she can talk all day long and I don't or can't and I couldn't make the expected reciprocal emotional responses to her. She has a friend now who can do that.

I also have people that are more like acquaintances because our kids play together.

The transition from teenager to adult was when my social difficulties really began to manifest. Up until the age of 16 I was immensely popular with my peers. BUT to be accepted by them I stupidly conformed by frequently disparaging myself (I still do this now), and by - and this I do deeply regret - discriminating against different ethnicities and those with weight issues, which ironically I had. Essentially, my whole existence around other non-family members has been a complete charade.

I definitely agree. I always had a really hard time making friends but boy, did I try, and it got even harder as I aged. It's not like aspies aren't allowed to have friends...

I've had "friends" here and there, obviously not very good ones. I've had some bad luck on top of this disorder, my social capital is all used up. I don't know anybody anymore, I live on the opposite side of the country so I have that excuse but I probably wouldn't be doing any better back home. Everyone goes away or stabs me in the back it seems. I don't think I lack the capacity of friendship at all, most people just don't like me I guess.

I think the first problem for people with autism is to become friends with someone - the second problem is to keep that bond. Some may gave up on friendships because they didn't know how to do all that stuff, others are tired of being deceived and lied at. I myself have a few bonds to people. It are good bonds but I wouldn't consider them as real friends of mine and I have one person I'd count as a friend. She's the complete opposite of me and isn't on the spectrum.

I gave up having friends as soon as I attempted to act all NT around people. Because they don't know me and they probably wouldn't like me. As much as I said that I act NT for the sake of validation, not friendship. Hence I never had actual friends from that so-called facade. But I did gained too many acquaintances.

And I'm not initiating any friendships ever since I things got too complicated. I don't want to bother people. I'll let them come to me, or them telling me to come because I would. That is, if they're interested having friends with someone who doesn't initially come to them. I'll let them lead, and be ready for it.

Yes, sounds a bit insensitive that I don't maintain the bond. But to be honest, it's stressing and even outright unnatural if I go greet someone with a social script no less. Especially when I don't feel like it. I won't feel any bond if I act all NT to a certain person.
If I lose friends just because I don't do any charade, so be it. Even if it breaks my heart because I'm not surprised.

I do have friends, I just don't initiate to them as often as an NT would.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I have a girlfriend and no friends. I seem to be far on the edge of the friends spectrum. The general idea I feel society has about friends and what a friend should be is only something I feel comfortable with in a significant other. If a person isn't my significant other, well all I really want is for them to be an acquaintance. I don't really want to talk to them, I don't want to hear what they have to say, I don't want to hang out, or go to a movie with them. All my "friends" prior to my girlfriends were just people I lived with, shared a room with, spent time around because of work, or school. A movie is often an excuse to hang out with friends, for me, a friend was an excuse to get out and see a movie.

The parallel play thing someone else mentioned really speaks to me. As a child I did have friends, everyday after school we would go play in the woods. Friends would come over and we'd play with toys. The thing is, I was never connected to what they were doing, I was always playing by myself, they just happened to be near by. This is still the kind of friendships I would like as an adult, but it just seems like this sort of thing doesn't qualify as a friendship anymore. It only really worked for me when I had house mates. I enjoy their company, I don't get lonely having them around. But I don't want to actually talk or engage with them. I want to ignore them and I want them to ignore me, and I'm a happy clam.

I enjoy the company of others, I just need the freedom to be in my own world, completely disconnected to whats going on with theirs. Being connected in that way is very very intimate to me, something I can only enjoy doing with my girlfriend, but everyone who isn't her, I don't want to be in their head and I don't want them in mine. So yeah, I haven't actually done something recreational with another adult other than my girlfriend for 5+ years now. And I love it.

it is not that i have poor social skills, it is that i have no interest in it. i find it stupid.

i often purposely do gross things in public just to repel people.