Has anyone else been told they are too blunt?

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Lazershow
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19 Jan 2015, 2:33 pm

Recently a friend of mine told me that i am too blunt and often come off as rude. I don't mean to be that way but when someone asks for my opinion on something i often share my honest feelings about it. Has anyone else been told they are too blunt and come across as rude?



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19 Jan 2015, 2:40 pm

Yes I'm blunt. And yes, people told me I'm rude. And afterwards, they told me I should shut up instead even if they ask for it.
Yes, they have a 'right' to be rude while I don't. And as always, even I assert it, it's still the same.

I'm rude because I'm blunt. They're rude because they're domineering.


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kraftiekortie
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19 Jan 2015, 2:43 pm

I get told that all the time.

I've learned that one has to "pick one's spots." One shouldn't be blunt, for example, when trying to commiserate with one whose father died of cancer.



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19 Jan 2015, 2:56 pm

I was very blunt when I was younger. It always puzzled me how other people didn't speak their minds forthrightly. Why flirt with a girl when you could just tell her outright that you liked her; why the subtlety and unspoken rules of social interaction? It never made sense to me. I mistakenly used to think that most human problems could be fixed if people would just say what went unspoken. It took me a long time to understand that people seldom appreciate blunt honesty.

Occasionally, my mouth still goes where angels fear to tread, but I've learned to temper my speech a bit over the years.



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19 Jan 2015, 3:25 pm

Yes, a lot (perhaps most) of us seem to be thought of as blunt.
Like others have mentioned, I just don't understand the point of hints and I don't like playing "games" (like flirting).


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20 Jan 2015, 6:15 am

No. I get told the opposite. I wish I could be blunt, but I am too sensitive to people's thoughts and emotions to be blunt. Like when my boyfriend asked me if he's sometimes grouchy when he arrives home from work, I thought in my head ''yes, you definitely are, am I doing something wrong??'', but I just said ''you seem a little unrelaxed but otherwise you're OK.'' But ''unrelaxed'' is not really the correct word. It's just the politest word I could think of. But then after this little conversation, I thought to myself ''well, at least he's not grouchy after work because of me then.'' I thought that anyway, as I knew he was probably grouchy because he was tired, but I also worried that it was me making him grouchy too, until he asked that. When he asked the question, his tone of voice said ''sorry it's not you who's making me grouchy, it's just because I'm tired, that's all''.

I am really good at reading between the lines with people, and I am good at knowing how to tell people things without upsetting them, even if it might not upset them, I still have to fib a little. Also people don't have to be blunt with me to get me to know what they mean. I can read somebody through tone of voice, facial expression and body language, like in the example above.


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20 Jan 2015, 6:57 am

Is it helpful? Is it kind? Is it relevant?

These are the questions you should ask yourself about statements.

Living with bluntness is grating - it shreds the self-esteem of others. Just because something can be said, doesn't mean it should be.



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20 Jan 2015, 1:30 pm

My formal diagnosis actually says that my "communication is blunt but correct".

So, I'd say yes.... :?


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20 Jan 2015, 2:17 pm

Blunt and often inappropriate.

I'm probably told that quite a lot, but the people telling me this are probably not blunt enough when they tell me, so I'm sure I often don't pick up on their hints.

Picking up on hints requires too much assumption, and assumptions get heavily filtered.
Growing up I had always heard that it's a bad thing to assume, but the truth is that everyone wants and expects you to make an incredible amount of assumptions all the time.
I wish they could make up their minds.


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20 Jan 2015, 2:43 pm

Yes, and that I say inappropriate/wierd things. Sometimes I don't realise that my words had a negative impact, and remain in blissful ignorance until the person cuts me out of their social circle.



Lazershow
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20 Jan 2015, 3:19 pm

elkclan wrote:
Is it helpful? Is it kind? Is it relevant?

These are the questions you should ask yourself about statements.

Living with bluntness is grating - it shreds the self-esteem of others. Just because something can be said, doesn't mean it should be.

I have lost a lot of friends because they said i was too blunt so your probably right.



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20 Jan 2015, 4:08 pm

I warn people that I am brutally blunt. If they can't handle it, they should stay out of my life. I have no use, no patience for those who must be coddled with wasted words.


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20 Jan 2015, 4:43 pm

Yes.

I remember this one incident when I was in business school when I shared my opinion on a topic and a girl in my class responded rhetorically with "tell us how you really feel" and my response was a puzzled "why would I say anything else?" :lol:

Sometimes it's gotten me into a bit of social trouble, others it's served me well.

An ASD friend of mine can be very blunt, but still respectful. I like this about the way he communicates. He's very real and sincere and I never have to guess what he's thinking or feeling, even if it's sometimes a little too blunt - I appreciate it for the clear communication that it is. Others may take slight offence to it, though, I realize.

Myself, I've gotten MUCH better at not being too blunt with others - especially NT's who don't always appreciate straight forward communication like that.


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20 Jan 2015, 7:04 pm

Yes. it's one of my traits which people despise. I try not to be blunt but my observations often slip out and people get offended. I think it has caused me to lose friends in the past.



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20 Jan 2015, 7:55 pm

Oh, all the time. Always. All. The. Time.

It's okay, it seems there are people who appreciate bluntness and honesty. In fact a female friend said to me yesterday 'I never want any BS to come between us, you must always be honest with me and me with you, I can't stand BS' and it made my heart feel so warm, sorry for this fluffy metaphor...! :heart:


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20 Jan 2015, 11:13 pm

I've never gotten told I'm blunt but I have gotten accused of being rude, offensive or mean many times when I thought I was just being upfront or honest so I do think I have been too blunt.


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