On Lying...

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Ok so I can lie to someone if I need to. If they ask me "Am I ugly" and I think YES, I can say "No." But I feel like I'm a terrible liar and don't like lying if there's no good and honorable reason for it. I'm also a bit paranoid of getting into trouble and feel like lying is breaking the rules... for example I have very bad motion sickness and vomited on a plane recently. I actually claimed my vomited on jumper to customs because I had heard someone got pulled up for having seeds in their teeth which weren't allowed in the country... the lady at customs laughed at me... I also hate anything to do with marketing and advertising and sales. I've had many sales jobs but I've always struggled as there has always been a level of dishonesty involved. This seems to bother me a lot more than it does other people and I avoid jobs that revolve around this which is hard seeing as there aren't many jobs out there... Does anyone else feel like this? I just don't like lying and don't understand why our world is filled with salesmen and yet people are ok with this?

I HATE LYING! I have never been able to do it, but like you I know that people would be shocked if I answered honestly so have to be a bit careful, this is one thing I really cant stand about people, why ask a question to get a fake generic answer! argggh!

I hate falseness and the whole hows the weather crap...

I have always had an aversion to even "white lies". If you catch me off guard I usually spit out exactly what I'm thinking.

Outside of reflex responses, I value simplicity and straightforwardness.

OMG YES! I hate small talk... being a receptionist though I have had to learn how to do it... although if I had my way people could just get stuffed and leave me alone unless they actually wanted to talk to me about something worth the oxygen haha. But seriously who cares about the weather? Unless there's a natural disaster outside my window I just don't care. Also why ask me how my weekend went? 1. You don't really care 2. You wouldn't be interested anyway 3. I don't even really care what I did because at this time I'm obsessing about x or just can't remember it because between then and now I was obsessing about x.

Haha can't say that to people though... it sucks to be a girl because of this exact reason...

I guess I'm ok with white lies but I do find I'm even bad at white lies when it comes to people I'm close with. I don't like keeping secrets unless I HAVE to and even then I'm scared that I'll let it slip by accident....

This really does seem a common trait in autism. If I can't be completely honest, I would rather not say anything at all.

Lying has its purposes, I understand not to directly incriminate myself for the lack of a better term but generally speaking I don't see any point to most of the lies people make. Most NTs probably lie more in an hour than I do in a week. Whenever I tell a lie tho I think it is more likely to be believed given my reputation for being honest and not noticing the difference in my general demeanor, opposite of crying wolf. I don't lie for personal advancement or braggadociously, I read that most people lie on the resumes which seems insane too me.

I prefer people who are brutally honest and quite harsh as I seem to feel as thou i know where i stand, I find people very false and cannot understand why someone would go and speak to the person they have just been slagging off 30 mins previous?? Weird!

i always worry whether people are backstabbing me, when i really break it down thou I do not care if they like me or not i just wish they would be straight with me and say it...

I like being friends with aspies and auties because they don't lie to me. I can easily tell when people are lying. I can also lie easily, and no one ever calls me on it. So I choose not to do it. These are easy techniques that other people can learn, and you should, because it is sometimes appropriate to avoid the truth.

In life, you will have to lie in: A job interview, at school, on a date, when talking to your parents if you're a young person (probably).

This is what you do:
-DO NOT look up and to the left. This is where most people's eyes go when they lie. Look wherever you normally do. If you don't look at people's eyes, by all means, don't do it now
-Don't touch your face. Also a liar's habit
-Don't jiggle your feet, unless you typically do this.
-Don't give too much information. Another thing liars do.
-Usually you shouldn't pause before answering. Only if you need to appear to be thinking about what they said.
-DO find a quick reference that is actually true, and when telling your lie, take from that pile of truth

Example) Let's say that you are 16, at school, and you're late for class because you were drinking in your car. You certainly can't tell your teacher this. Stick to most of the story, just leave out the drinking. "I'm sorry. I went out to my car to see if the oil was leaking." If she ask why it took so long, say you thought it wouldn't. Done. The reason you stick mostly to the truth is because people will have seen you go out there, you will look like you went outside, and you might look a little unkempt.

Example 2) Let's say you're at a job interview and they ask if you're a "people person." You're not. You dislike most people because they seem to dislike you. Appear to be thinking about the question and say, "I can find likable qualities in any person, even those that are hard to get along with. Sometimes it just takes a little effort." Or something like that. It's true, but what you like about those people is seeing the backs of them as they're leaving. It takes effort for you to make them leave you alone.

You see, you're never REALLY lying, just leaving things out, which is why it works.

Hmmm I am able to lie. I just usually don't like doing it at all. I have lied in the past effectively (for example to keep someone's feelings from being hurt or protecting myself from a schoolyard bully or embaressment) certain things where I feel like too much is on the line I refuse to lie about (class room situations, work, job interviews, when authority figures are involved). It's almost like a fear of being found out and not having confidence in my lying ability. I'm in my 20s but when I was a child/teen I never did too much that I needed to lie about. I just stayed out of trouble. I was a perfectionist and people called me a goody two shoes but I guess I had a thing with rules: I wasn't allowed to do certain things so I wouldn't do them. I am very bad at selling myself in job interviews so instead of lying or white lying I avoid things and try and prepare answers that aren't lies. I also generally don't apply for jobs with "ourgoing" or "people person" etc on them. I don't really know how else to explain it....

I do touch my face a lot when I'm uncomfortable haha guess people must think I lie a lot.

If you lie, you invalidate the power of speech and become a grunting animal, true your grunts may sound like human speech, but how can your words ever be trusted again?, hence they are no longer words for they are no longer a reliable means of communication, just sounds that might tickle the ears, but nothing more.

Okay, that's pretty extreme. Without the option to lie it's pretty difficult to have free will. A lie is not a waste if it can stop a pointles argument, nor if it can keep good people alive.

Again: I can lie I'd just rather not if there's no good or honorable reason for it. Saving someone's life is definitely a good reason to lie! I can lie to friends but not to people in authority - when I try I end up just stuttering or mumbling awkwardly and it's really obvious I've been caught in something. I tend just to do the right thing to avoid lying. So I can't lie if it's something that is important and I clearly know I'm guilty or am afraid it might get me into trouble. I can lie to stop a pointless argument though.

I just wanted to know if anyone else could relate to this...

i automatically lie whenever someone asks me a question about myself like 'how are you feeling' as i see that information to be private. i'll also lie to keep myself out of trouble. that's about the extent of my lying.

I'm capable of lying. I even see it as a potentially valuable tool at times and if I notice I'll try to white lie if I care about someone. Most of the time I just don't care though which has actually given me a reputation for honesty, which makes it easier to get away with lies when I do I care or need to lie to get away with something that could effect me negatively.

School would've been even crazier for me if I couldn't lie to authority figures. The one other person on the spectrum I knew in high school was a girl in my grade, and I only learned about her diagnosis thru sharing detention periods & chores. Pretty sure all of us in that group got there because of attendance. That was my first exposure to such NT-biased nonsense, and I saw it right next to the usual NT racial prejudice. Had either of us been aspergian & not white things would have been bad... I haven't had a problem with lying to authoritarian blowhards since.

Subterfuge is just as valuable a skill as accountability. I spent most of my remaning time at that school in Robotics club, Spanish and working on electronics while ducking the same administrators in the library.