Eye contact problems

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Okay,

I've figured out that eye contact is an aspie trait. I didn't realize this until recently; here's the scenario and i'm looking for problems to get around this one in the future.

I'm in an interview. It's going great, the interview is over and I stand up to shake the person's hand and thank them for the interview across her desk. She escort's me out of office.

Here's where I didn't make eye contact. There were people outside the office waiting to talk to her, and I felt like we had already finished our conversation. So, I just walked away; however, I felt like she was waiting for me to make a final eye contact but I wasn't sure. I heard this quiet goodbye...but since I already made the decision to scoot out, I didn't change my tempo and turn around. I just hurried away.

I know this was a screw up, but I couldn't make that eye contact. Usually I have to force myself to do it and I couldn't this time.

How do I fix this in the future? Any suggestions. This happens frequently.

Instead of looking at a person's eyes, look just to the left or right and/or between the eyes. You're in the "right" area as far as the person you're looking at can tell.

When concluding an interview, always say 'thank you for spending the time with me' or 'I appreciate the opportunity to interview for this position'. AND even though it should be perfectly obvious that want the job -because you're there interviewing - you simply must must must must say "I really want this job", unless you've decided that you don't.

This sounds odd, I know, but when an interviewer ends up with more than one person who's qualified for the job, the decision to hire one over the other(s) comes down to who said they want the job and who seemed most polite.

Exceptions to this: (1) in a family owned business you're always out if an idiot relative needs the job and, (2) if a work group is made up of (just pretend) all really nasty rotten argumentative people, they've got to hire someone just like that because a nice person would just get eaten alive.

ya i rarely make eye contact because it is very uncomfortable for me and hard for me to do. i heard its a trait for people with asperegers too.

I'm over 40 and it's taken almost all this time to learn how to make eye contact appropriately.

It is uncomfortable for me to make eye contact, and while I do try to make eye contact in one on one conversations and try to pay attention to the meaning of certain facial expressions and glances, I still am at a loss sometimes.

Worked as a doorman in a bar for a while and this helped. If I let anyone in who was already drunk I could have gone to jail if *anything* went wrong with them. So I *had* to know if they were drunk and either let them in or turn them out accordingly.

I'd smile and act friendly, but *also* look at the physical condition of their eyes. Not *quite* the same thing as "making eye contact", but no one noticed or cared, and I *was* looking them dead in the eye, which people can generally tell the difference between and looking "near" the eyes. I wasn't looking to make a connection, or gaze deep into the soul of another kindred spirit, or whatever: I was literally looking for three physical traits: (a) puffy redness, or its absence, (b) a "glazed" quality to the liquid covering the surface of the eye, or again, its absence, and finally (c) unusual states of pupil dilation or constriction.

Still works. There's a guy I work with almost every day now, long after I left that job. I can't tell you the colour of his eyes but I can tell you how white the whites of his eyes are and how wide his pupils are under normal circumstances. He seems to be under the impression that I am fairly sincere.

I focus on the details. It works for me.

I don't seem to get eye contact right. I know I'm supposed to look at people when they're talking to me but I never know how long etc. So I always end up concentrating on that so much that I end up not taking in what is being said.
My eyes tend to dart around everywhere as well, because I don't like maintaining eye contact for too long.
It's a lot easier with my family though, although I find it easier just to listen to someone instead of looking at them at the same time.

there's an "eye contact goodbye"? like a "wave goodbye"?

Apparantly so....I was talking to my brother; and when I left he said goodbye and made sure I looked him in the eye. I could do it, because he's my brother and afterwards, I knew it was a good right thing to do. That's when I figured it out.

Since my last interview, I had another one. I made sure I had final eye contact when leaving and it worked. I *felt* like the person walked away feeling good.

Anyone else experience with this *look* goodbye????

(And below is probably off topic, but I don't want to post another one....)

Also, I noticed when I am sitting in a group; I look at everyone in the group. I actually used to stare up until a few years ago. However, in classes I would watch other people (most must have been NT's) and no one actually ever looked around at other people. That's when I figured out I must be "staring". By the way....I can't help it. I have to see what other people are doing in a room. I don't want to get stuck being bullied becuase I missed some clue. It's that one-on-one non-verbal communication that I have a problem with, which I've heard is called the "dance" of communication (which I totally suck at!)...yick, yick, yick.