consensual driven experience

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I have now spoken with many people about the sense of togetherness that they get, and how it enhances certain experiences. It is alien to me, although I can understand it on an intellectual level.

So I posit this hypothesis.

A commonality of experience, such as a sunset, "counts" while such an event experienced alone does not. It is not that the singular perception did not happen, but rather that having another there somehow validates the experience.

I have the opposite experience. Doing things alone have a much greater impact on me than doing them with another (those dating/Hallmark moments). Like going to the movies, watching a sunset, moonrise, seeing the desert, eating in a nice restaurant. But I remember seeing the look on people's faces when I said that. "I could never go to the movies alone!"

Honestly, I feel the opposite, that certain moments are more poignant for me alone than with someone. Most people don't appreciate the same things that I do, so when I'm struck by something and they're just hanging around talking about nothing, not noticing anything, it kind of ruins the experience for me.

I fully expected someone to say that. I too prefer to experience things alone. People are a distaction.

KimJ, My brother has that exact attitude. I dont know how many movies hes not got to see because I didnt want to see them, and he wont go alone. And its not like he is shy or anything!

I always feel like I have too many other things to think about when I'm with other people
People always want to talk at inappropriate times as well
A lot of the time, I'd rather just watch something than talk about it
So I don't take things in as much when I'm not on my own.

For the most part I agree with y'all. I'd rather be alone. On the other hand though, if I'm with someone I'm really close to, it's nice to share something special with them. But, I guess it's still two individual experiences - just maybe with a touch to indicate togetherness.

Well, I guess there IS a drive in me that wants me to have a female companion. There are a few PHYSICAL benefits I can see. We would each have the other to look after and comfort us. Shared experiences. MAYBE have kids. And then FINANCIALLY. 2 people COULD maybe get twice as much, and the expenses and taxes would only increase by like a third. HECK, I would pay all that so she wouldn't have to work, just to get the other benefits. Of course, SHE would get the other benefits also, and with NO work.

Alas, I wouldn't do that with just ANY woman, and my prospects have probably been tainted in some way, or married. Besides, those darned AS problems get in the way!

Steve

I also don't think an experience is invalidated because someone is alone.

However - I can also see the issue of not going out alone to a restaurant or movie theater because of OTHER people. Society is so geared towards thinking people are lonely if they are alone that the person almost attracts other people to them to chat.

There are movies I'll see my husband and ones I want to see alone, even if he and I go later. It doesn't bother me at all to go alone, but it certainly bothers anyone else who comes into the theatre. Without exception, they will come over and sit right next to me. That just irritates me no end. I always get up and move away from everyone again. I've learned not to go until the lights are out so they won't feel so inclined. I know they think, "Oh look at that poor girl all alone. Let's go keep her company." That's the story of my life. I must give off something that makes them want to rescue me. I guess that's better than the ones who want to obsess about me and own me like some trophy from a hunt. I have a strange effect on NTs.

I also noticed this phenomenon when I travelled for work. I quit going to restaurants and ordered room service. Otherwise some stranger would sit with me and try to talk to me. Completely bizarre.

That is something I would take a pill to cure!

Anybody remember the Steve Martin movie, The Lonely Guy? He walks into a restaurant, alone, and the spotlight goes on him. Everyone stares.

Actually, I don't care what they think. It's my experience and they aren't going to be allowed to ruin it. It's not as if I'll see them again. It was actually funny when they would sit at my table and I would say, "Excuse me? Why are you interrupting my perfectly peaceful time by myself?" They would just turn red and move.

I think it's that they can't stand to be alone so they think no one else can stand it either. They are projecting onto us, but that's what they do with each other and it works. They just make me tired. I don't feel like entertaining them when I want to concentrate and enjoy myself.