Aspie to Aspie Conversations ... is this TYPICAL?

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I'm an aspie teacher. I teach Culinary Arts. I self diagnosed with Asperger's last year and did not work up the courage to have this diagnosis confirmed until last April. Although my parents knew that I was different, they didn't know why. Instead of seeking professional help, they were convinced that if they held high expectations and were very firm (but supposedly fair) to me, I'd eventually fit into their cookie cutter mold even if they had to slap me around and belt me a few times to get me to fit. (sigh)

I am therefore an adult survivor ... one of many in the United States (and I daresay, the world), who grew up without the benefit of a diagnosis or any treatment.

At the start of this school year, I met another aspie teacher. This person ... I will call her Rachel, is a special education teacher. She works with a small group of special education students and she brings them to my Culinary Arts class during 3rd period. I provide the instruction and supplies. She's responsible for managing her students and giving grades.

I am having problems communicating with her ... which puzzles me because she told me that she's an aspie ... but I thought aspies had normal language development.

Case in point ...

Today we had an earthquake drill. I knew this would affect my 3rd period class, so under lesson objectives, I wrote - "Talk about today's earthquake drill."

After I took attendance and started class, Rachel got up and shut the classroom door.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

"I'm getting ready for the drill."

"We're not supposed to close the door."

"But we have to get ready for the drill." She waved a copy of our emergency response instructions at me.

"The drill doesn't start for another 30 minutes AND first responders will be on campus. We were told in Monday's faculty meeting that they're going to conduct a search and rescue sweep of every classroom after we've evacuated and the doors aren't supposed to be locked."

"The door isn't locked. It's shut."

"That door is locked. I always lock the door as preparation for a lock down. With four doors to close - two in the kitchen and two in the adjoining classroom, I wouldn't have time to lock all four doors if there was an actual emergency ... so I keep the doors locked and during the school day, I prop open the doors. The doors lock when they're shut.

"So you want me to open the door?"

"Yes please."

She got up and opened the door but didn't know how to wedge it open. As I began talking about the upcoming drill (the need to duck and cover under tables and how to evacuate once the all clear was sounded), the door began sliding closed.

I didn't say a word. I simply walked over and propped the door open and continued talking.

On another occasion, we were having an assembly in the auditorium. Rachel wanted to know where she was supposed to take her kids after the assembly. I told her that she'd be bringing them to me because we were having 3rd period after the assembly.

"So I'll bring them to art," she said.

"No, you're coming to culinary."

"Okay, so I'll see you tomorrow since we're going to art."

"NO ... you're COMING TO CULINARY. It's 3rd period after the assembly, not 4th."

"So I'm going to art ..."

(sigh)

For someone who's supposed to have had normal language development, she really doesn't listen very well. Since she's the only aspie I know (in person), I'm wondering ... is this typical?

Just wondering.

I think Aspies can misunderstand each other sometimes because of our social difficulties and literal, rigid thinking. I know that I get misunderstood a lot by my Aspie friends. Sometimes I don't know what impact my words will have.

I can easily imagine myself being the woman in this conversation. Remember, each Aspie/autistic brain is different, so we may have different strengths and weaknesses. I can do eye contact and talk to clients in a friendly manner. Another Aspie might not do that well. On the other hand, I'm not very good at understanding verbal instructions. I do what's called "active listening", in which I verbally summarize what I thought I heard. After the meeting, I usually send my clients an email summarizing our conversations to make sure I got it right. People who know me well just send me emails or IMs, because they know that they'll have to repeat themselves several times in a vocal conversation. I'm great at writing, lousy at listening. Even smart Aspies can have gigantic holes in their abilities.

Try alternative forms of communication. Maybe a memo would be good? A list of bullets or numbered steps might be best, rather than long paragraphs. Encourage active listening (the verbal summary) by asking questions to see if she understood. Hedge your bets by discussing your plan verbally and in writing. If you've got something like the upcoming drill coming, a poster for the kids might be good too. Maybe the art teacher can make little stick figures for it!

I agree with the previous posters. Language acquisition doesn't include quite full grasp of expectations. We still short circuit fairly often, despite a grasp of language. Sometimes info just refuses to compute, especially on short notice.

Especially if it is {shudder] A CHANGE IN PROCEDURE. I think my manager has to tell me something about 5-10 times before I remember to do a new procedure. It just doesn't take the first few times. My mom used to say I was like an old carthorse, always trying to go back to the barn when you took it out somewhere.

Hmmmm ... yes ... I hate changes in procedures.

I like teaching for several reasons.

1) My job as a chef instructor aligns with one of my major interests - Culinary Arts ... so I combined work and play as a career some 9 years ago.

2) School is usually very structured. Our social and educational parameters are defined by school law, the state instructional standards, district and campus policy, my classroom rules, and my lesson plans.

3) I don the persona of a gruff chef instructor to teacher. It doesn't matter that I really AM a chef instructor ... certified and certifiable and everything ... I need a mask to face the outside world and the mask I wear at work is that of the consummate chef instructor.

4) I plan EVERYTHING ... lesson plans ... recipes ... food production ... shopping lists based upon my lesson plans and recipes ... and changes to my routine are really annoying ... BUT this is my 26th year in the classroom and I have all sorts of coping skills designed to accommodate my job.

Would you believe that I know what to do during an in-coming scud missile alert? I know how to don a poison gas mask and/or how to wear an air pack. The former I learned while teaching at an American school in Saudi Arabia during the First Gulf War while we had in-coming scud missile alerts and the latter experience was learned while serving as a volunteer firefighter in rural Pennsylvania. Not only do I know how to evacuate from a school (with my class) during an earthquake drill but in Lebanon, I evacuated myself from the country after the Israeli Air Force bombed Beirut in June of 1999.

I have read all of the replies ... thank you all ... and particularly like the one about writing a note to my colleague. She means well but when I'm already stressed out because of pending changes to the day's schedule, I really don't want her stressing me out even further by interrupting me when I'm trying to start class to ask me about procedures that I was just planning to talk about.

I guess part of the problem for me is that I spent 17 years as a self contained elementary teacher. I'm not used to cooperating with other teachers because self contained teachers do everything themselves. With the exception of art, PE, and music, they usually teach all subject areas by themselves. As a high school teacher, I'm now a specialist ... a chef instructor who teaches Culinary Arts. My colleague has no background in the food service industry and the only reason she's in my classroom is to ride herd on a small group of special education kids who are regretfully emotionally disturbed.

I sometimes forget that she's there because I have a somewhat narrow focus ... and since we are not team teaching or even collaborating ... the classroom is mine to instruct which means that I don't really appreciate it when she shuts doors that I need left open or if she interrupts me to discuss procedures that I've already made plans for and am now having to put on hold because my colleague wants to talk to me.

I think I may ask her to express her concerns before school or after school but not during class since that tends to disrupt the flow of my delivery. We may also need to work on a signal so that we may step aside for a private talk rather than having my instruction derailed because she's decided that we need to talk right now DURING CLASS.