Body language when listening to someone?

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What are you meant to do to show that you're actively listening to the person talking to you? I can't seem to get it right. I nod and "uh-huh" and "okay" and "yeah" but it feels so wrong and forced to me. I end up nodding almost the entire duration of their part of the conversation. My verbal responses come out weird and strained (if they come out at all) because of my selective mutism. I think I also unintentionally tilt my head to the side sometimes. I force myself to make eye contact if I can manage it, but again it feels very forced and makes me uncomfortable. I'm not sure when to look away, or if I should even look away at all.

I try so hard to make it clear that I'm listening, but people will still stop mid-sentence to ask if I understand or to say I look confused or to ask if I'm paying attention. It's embarrassing and it makes me feel awful because they think that I don't care about what they're saying when I really do.

The worst part is that I'm so concerned about trying to look like I'm listening that I can't fully focus on what they're saying. I'm listening, of course, but I don't retain as much because I'm busy attempting to control my body language.

If I'm being "natural", I don't look at the person and fixate on the floor or something in the room. I don't give any verbal responses while they're talking and don't really nod or move at all. That's the ideal way for me to listen to someone, but unfortunately that's not socially appropriate and makes it appear as if I'm not listening at all.

So what are you supposed to do when someone is talking without looking confused or uninterested?

This is a funny post. This happens to me too. I understand what you mean when you say it feels forced and wrong. The problem is you can't see yourself. Your inner self isn't linked very well to your outer self -- meaning that there is likely a lot more going on in your mind than just the conversation. Sometimes the look on your face indicates how confused you are with your image to the person you are speaking with (wondering how they see you, and hoping you are playing your part correctly), rather than confusion over what they are saying. Perhaps they see your confusion and naturally think it has something to do with what they are saying, but in reality it is signalling distress with your internal fears.

Sorry, I don't have any advice, but maybe being aware of the real problem can inspire a solution in you or someone else.

Edit: maybe you can take a video of yourself having a pretend conversation. Practice dialog and find out what you look like to other people. Maybe you can figure out how to fix whatever you feel needs improving.

OP, I get told I appear catatonic when listening.
Looking confused or uninterested doesn't sound so bad to me

Yes, I realise I'm no help at all.
*zips lips*

Yes, there are tricks to this, but I don't advise you put too much effort into it. If you're doing too many things while you're listening, you won't be able to listen.

Do whatever you do to naturally listen, then ask a question or make a comment periodically to show that you are listening. If they don't make a natural break in the conversation, lift your hand to gesture for them to stop and then comment or ask.

Example)

Them: "I was talking to my boss the other day and his hair was blaaaaaaaaaaaah blah blah [for a long, long time]. His wife goes to the same gym as my wife and blah blah blaaaaaahhhhhh"

This is where you break in. You hold up a hand, even if you have to interupt. You: "Wait, do you go to this gym too, or just the wives go?"

Them: "No, just the wives. So they were talking about his hair and blah blah....so then they said I should talk to him about his haircut."

You: "That seems like a personal topic. What will you do?"

And so on. He shouldn't notice where you're looking because you keep breaking in with active comments and questions.

I'm pretty much inert when I listen to someone.

Trying to listen and use the "proper" body language is a form of multitasking which many autistics have difficulty with. So as SocOfAutism wrote when you fixate and worry about trying to use the "proper" body it only compounds the problem by adding another simultaneous task.