14 May 2005, 4:02 pm
1)...The Question?
"Describe your childhood if you choose!"
2)...Statements by Ghosthunter!
To start this train of thought I must thank
WrongPlanet for existing. I started this
darkcave journer when my employer outed
me of my autism unawareness almost 3 months
ago. I am 38.75 years old and lived in a terrible
silence and life paths that could have led to much
darker paths, just read my past posts and you
you will see. I have repeated alot of parrot
like behaviors, such as comics, sexuality,
hiding behind my computer and never understood
what it was that made me live in a dark, silent
world.
It was my study in Wicca, my sexual prowless and
exploring, Rocky Horror Picture Show exploitations,
being a comic book dealer at age 20-24, and being
without love in my heart and not understanding why
I felt more at peace in sleeping in alleyways,
abandoned buildings, behind office buildings, and
always keeping things to a minium.
I still hide behind this computer, and computers
would have been a natural evolution for me now
that I am thinking about it. Let the healing begin.
cloudy days, but now their is no pain. I see the
dark corners huddled in sleep and wonder why
I hide from people behind your space of dwelling.
Friendship? What is that indeed. I see the users
eyes stare at me tapping this wisdom without
glee but malicious intent. You smile and say
it's ok, as I must skulk by midnight to find my
place to stay, and you just chuckl, it's just him,
Oh! Well! let's role a D-8 and I will mutilate
your troll, as your life of selfishness goes on.
Be my friend, pleading in my eye's, it's ok
if you abuse me at least I feel something to
my suprise. Starry eye'd child in a picture
old and cobwebbed of my mother and a
starry eye'd child equally distant in her stead.
I wander the streets of Sunnyvale, see your
beams of wealth drive by, as I go to my
meager job, or jobs and wonder why?
Why must I tear stained sleep in the cave
of your building so eye's can't see me, and
yet I feel comfort just the same.
Huddled in corners of houses gone by, their
creaking staircases forgotten, so am I.
Oh! old house I shower you with my love,
this silent spirit commune with the much
neglected ghosts in the room above.
Standing on the corner of Mary and Elcamino,
I see your rolling luxories roll by, your vacant
insensitive stares just stare at me and rollup
and you stroll by. Four quarters equal a dollar
I will say, and some will give and then go away.
Starvation of the soul is like starvation of the
body and emotion. I see you shun, and spurn
me as a lost cause, I then walk silently to
the stairs above, unseen to sleep I hope my
final sleep, yet to keep, and my soul to still
keep.
These are the things that Sunnyvale brings
to me so I go to San Francisco to see my keep.
I see a aids person craving for love and all
I can do is comfort and not sleep. Compasionate
hearts, there were none. I know see Sunnyvale
in i past rising sun.
I write this to let myself and you folks know how
I feel when I am here. The endless caves of dark
I slept, in hopes people would go away instead.
I see homelessness again soon, but this time with
piece of mind that I am whole, my soul to keep,
and I feel, and can be kind.
Ages 15-34, and about my feelings in Sunnyvale,
Santa Clara county for 1981-2000. I will not repeat
and go not to the hostel, and hope I have a job still.
If not a job is their for me, I see greater gain in
understanding me
3)...The Question Repeated!
"Describe your childhood if you choose!"
14 May 2005, 4:29 pm
14 May 2005, 6:38 pm
14 May 2005, 9:06 pm
14 May 2005, 9:16 pm
14 May 2005, 9:19 pm
Ghosthunter,
Check your PMs. 
14 May 2005, 9:42 pm
14 May 2005, 9:55 pm
14 May 2005, 10:48 pm
I like comics, but they're overpriced,
To get back on topic, my childhood was depressing, from what I can remember of it. I seem to have lots of repressed memories trying to resurface on occassion. Anyways, I'm just going to cut and paste an old post of mine.
I was dx'ed and the un-dx'ed with Autism. They changed it to Hypersensitive, ADHD, and OCD. I had a friend or two, and didn't socialize that well. I was also (like I still am) bad at joking. I never knew hot to sound sarcastic. I don't remember about eye contact. I was very hyper and aggressive. I've been told that I'd do crazy things like climb bookshelfs at stores. My brother was born. I then moved.
7-11
My mom says I used to wash my hands until I bled. I don't remmber that. I was bullied often, but I became somewhat of a gang leader. A bully would pick on me, then I'd kick their as* and they decided to be friends with me. I also remember being naive and believing stories people told me. One of my best friends always told these outlandish stories, and I'd believe him. It wasn't until years later that I figured out he was a big liar. I also remember my first mutual female friend very well. She wasn't my first crush, but I protected her from bullies. I remember her having an Atari. This is also when a few of my prejudices came into existence. I moved.
11-14
This is a bad period of my life. My parents divorced, my dad married his second wife ( Evil or Very Mad hated me). This is when I fell into a huge two year depression. Puberty started, socialzing was hard, and my parents divorced. I took Prozac and Adderal until I was 14. My social skills weren't as good as they once were. I think this depression may have made me have AS, or at least make it more obvious. I was very verbally abusive to my mom and my little brother. My little brother (ADD) was about 4 or 5 when my parents divorced, so he doesn't remember. I was very tempermental and had mood swings at home. At school, I had just entered middle school, and was picked on often by girls. I live in a mostly wealthy community, and so there were a lot of snobs. I was normally picked on by girls, because I flirted on accident occasionally and had a very weird walk. I only had about 5 friends during this period, and it was only in school. I was dx'ed with AS during this period.
14-16 (now)
I finally mellowed out and am no longer picked on. When I first entered high school, I still had my social facade. My second year, I went through a huge depression after being rejected by someone. I went off to find myself and adjust my personality. Stopped medications of any kind, and grades started slipping. I failed any language I tried to take, and so my GPA is not very good. I had no good friends until my second year. I'm now in my third year, and I'm doing alright. I still have trouble with eye contact, and can't stand being surrounded by people, but I'm living still.
Hope I help in some way?
14 May 2005, 11:48 pm
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