I Had to Laugh

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Hello All!

If we haven't met, I'm an aspie teacher and this is my 26th year in the classroom.

I (usually) enjoy teaching because my interest in Culinary Arts is aligned with my career as a chef instructor. I like the fact that I can structure my class and I also like the fact that my parameters are delineated by school law, district and school policy, my classroom rules, and my lesson plans.

One thing I'm not good at is facial recognition and remembering student names ... but I've compensated for that by having seating charts.

Another thing I'm not good at is small talk that's off the topic of a given lesson. This usually happens before class or at the end of class when curious students who seem to want to know more about me will ask me questions.

I hate it when students ask me personal questions and for years have distracted them with nonsensical answers.

Example: Where do you live?
Answer: I live here at the school but shhhhh ... don't tell anyone. Do you see that closet door? That's actually my bedroom door. I have a bed in that closet .... NO DON'T OPEN THE DOOR ... what? My bed is gone? The custodians probably took away to be cleaned. What day is today? Wednesday? Yes, the bed is always cleaned on Wednesday. Why are you giving me that strange look? You have to believe me. I'm a teacher. We never lie. Honest. I AM telling you the truth. I am. Really. Telling you the truth. Absolutely. And of course by the end of this, the student has forgotten the original question.

Example: How do you get to school?
Answer: I fly a helicopter. What? You haven't seen my helicopter? That's because it's parked on top of the roof? What? You didn't see my helicopter up on the roof this morning? Where were you looking? The main building? Well there's your answer. I'm parked on top of the cafeteria.

So today, I decided to switch tactics and to engage in a preemptive strike.

One of my students opened her mouth and I could tell that she was going to ask me a personal question. "Chef, I have a ..."

"Fifty-four."

Her smiled faltered. "What?"

I gave her my best impassive look which is really quite good since I'm Asian and we're supposed to be inscrutable. "I said '54.' You were planning on asking me a question, right?"

She nodded.

"My best answer is 54."

"But that has nothing to do with the question?"

I arched an eyebrow. Really? Let me try again. My telepathic powers must be on the blink. Hmmmm ..." i closed my eyes and thought for a moment before opening them as wide as possible. "Why yes, you may marry Cedric ... but you have to wait until you're both at least 18."

"What? Cedric? But I don't want to .... EWWWWWWWWWWWW." And she was so outraged that she began telling me in great detail why she didn't like Cedric. Cedric, to his credit, was quite amused and did not take any of this personally .... and I got to dodge yet another personal question.

Heh-heh.

Do any of you have coping skills for dealing with NT's who want to ask you personal questions?

Yes.

I say, "That is a personal question."

Neat, huh?

Yes ... but that's not nearly as amusing. My humor is admittedly very dry and I rarely laugh or smile in public ... but it does amuse me to see if I can distract my NT students without actually having to tell them that I will always refuse to answer personal questions.

It helps that I stare at them with my best Aspie poker face (Most call it my "Lizard Look").

Few make a second attempt.