I'm having trouble dealing with this alone...

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I'm in the middle of diagnosis at the moment.

I'm 25 years old and have only just discovered that I have Aspergers.

The problem that it creates is that I've spent my whole life surpressing anything that seemed socially "abnormal" and have become pretty good at it, so everyone I know thinks that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me because they don't see the hell that I go through internally to seem "normal" to them.

Since the diagnosis I've become a bit more comfortable with myself, so I'm not so hard on myself when I do "strange" things and I'm slowly not bothering quite so much to surpress them.

I haven't told anyone except one good friend about the diagnosis and she basically told me that I was just imagining it!!

So when that happened I decided I wouldn't tell anyone, but now that I'm allowing myself to just be myself a lot of friends think i'm going crazy or just becoming really weird.

So basically noone knows what I'm going through and I'm feeling really lonely.

I'm still learning about what I have and I've yet to find out the full extent of it (it could still turn out to be a bit more than aspergers) and I'm going through all of it alone.

Any advice?

Everyone does everything alone; those around us just think that they’re a part of our subjective lives. They’re not. You’re born alone, you’ll die alone; how are these any [objectively] different to how you live?

You [you’ve suppressed] suppress your pain because you care what others think of you, or how you think of them – tell them how you feel (write it out and give it to them if talking is too hard), put your pain to words and people will feel it: how they deal with it will reveal who they are.

You don’t have to bow to anyone, nor does anyone have to bow to you. Just live how you want to.

(25 and autistic here.)

So, 24 and just figured out that I had AS as of last week. (Unofficial, but it's pretty clear.)

When I took the aspie quiz (take it, it's good) I came out above average on all the aspie traits, but average (exactly 5.0) on aspie disability. Basically, I've mostly learned to cope. So, when I told my close friends last night, while we were hanging out after helping one couple of them move into a new house, one of them basically started out by saying, no, you're too normal to be on the autistic spectrum. She was convinced by my two friends who majored in psych in college, though.

You know who you are, and you alone know what has always gone on in your head. You don't have to convince anyone of that to make it true. Just be who you are. It's worth it.

Hi Brundisium,

I'm going through kind of the same thing. I'm 25 and have not long been diagnosed with Apsergers. I got the same 'no, you've never got that!' reaction from people I've told. I think a part of it might be misconceptions about what AS even IS among the great unwashed - I can talk and walk and earn money and don't dribble, therefore there can't be anything "wrong" with me, can there? Ha.

I have major issues with social stuff, but I can just about function because I've done a lot of research: How to Win Friends and Influence People and all the other boks that followed, plus courses etc. But while the other person might think it's a perfectly 'normal' conversation, they don't know how much hard work it is on my part. It doesn't come naturally and probably never will.

I think it's important to be able to 'act normal' when neccessary: there are going to be situations where standing out as being different will disadvantage us, possibly even put us in danger. But that shouldn't mean acting 'normal' all the time if it drives us nuts doing it.

Take care

Yeah that's true.

I also think a lot of people mistake Aspergers for a psychological problem, rather than a nuerological disability.

So they think it's a condition we can just think ourselves into and out of.

Yeah, you guys sound like me. About 1/2 the differences I have were hidden or ignored.(sounding arrogant, speaking at length about certain things, sensory skewing, interupting, etc...) Others were considered odd, but seen as minor by others(Reluctance to lie, passive, not a big talker, not getting some jokes, literal interpretations, odd interests, eclectic knowledge, reluctance to change, etc...) So most would just assume I couldn't be autistic.

I remember when I was SIX and complained about florescent lights, and alarms, and said my senses were SKEWED. I even took a hearing test, and people were confused because I didn't know WHICH sound I should listen for. I heard sounds when there weren't supposed to be any. Yet my statements have always been ignored. Recently, I complained about blinking lights on a plane, and everyone looked at me like I was an IDIOT!

YOU saw an interesting coincidence, and matched enough to figure THAT'S IT!! !! THEY ASSUME it doesn't fit, and don't even see everything, so they figure NO WAY.

That is one reason I haven't told everyone.

Steve

I wouldn't even go that far. It's a difference. There seem to be definite advantages, as far as I can tell. Those who are not on the spectrum strike me as rather lifeless.

A psychological condition is no different to a physical disorder; you can’t think yourself out of an anxiety disorder – no matter what anyone says. “Doing” isn’t “thinking”. The people before me have said it: you are who you are; they are who they are.

If people can’t accept you for your perceived “flaws”, they don’t deserve to know your perceived “positives”. Them not recognizing what you are isn’t acceptance.

People say that I’m blunt with my words, but they don’t realise that theirs are sharper than mine will ever be.

Hi Brundisium. Welcome to my world. I'm 27. I spent my whole life struggling (often failing, but always trying again) to appear normal. It's exhausting. I've sacrificed who I really am. Despite what feel like Herculean efforts on my part, I still fail sometimes, and people say, "WHAT is the MATTER with you?!" When I try to tell them, they roll their eyes and tell me I'm perfectly normal. All my struggles are swept under the rug with one careless dismissal.

We appear to be relatively normal because we take great pains to do so... and I don't know about you, but I can't keep it up for very long at a time. I understand your frustration. People who say we're normal should be subjected to a childhood with undiagnosed Asperger's. Then we'd see what they had to say.

I am 25 and Undiagnosed but I know the problems I have with socialising compared to NT's. I can usually seem normal and hold a conversation with someone for about an hour but after that I run out of things to say. Its like I have a set routine to deal with greetings and how people expect to respond to each other but when thats over there is nothing else. Thats when I go into interview mode and start asking questions searching for something to talk about but too many questions and they start to actually feel like they are being interviewed or even feel like its an interrogation.

NT's have the saying "twos company, threes a a crowd". For me it would be "twos uncomfortable, threes company, fours a crowd". This is because of the limited conversation I can have with one person but put another NT into the conversation and it takes the focus from me then I can let the NT's interract as they do naturally and I can add what I want to say when I want to which works perfect for me.

I know what you mean man. I'm 24 and was diagnosed about 6 months ago. I've told only 3 people, 2 of them (my mom and a good friend) passed it off as 'probably just some depression' So i've told no one since. It just seems easier to go on alone.

It isn't a nuerological disability. It is a nuerological difference. BTW I was over 40 before I even HEARD about AS! At least YOU're not alone at 25 like I was. If I knew about as at any point prior to 39, my life would have been VERY different, and BETTER! And ALL that time WASTED in 1969(I spent the better part of a day at a psychiatrists office), because of a bomb dropped on one building and/or a war that happened decades before I was born. Sometimes the littlest change has a GIGANTIC effect.

Steve

Same for me, I feel more relaxed now and it does show a little but also being aware has helped me notice a bit more that I do some things differently.

My latest funny thing was I was queuing for something (I hate queueing, just having people behind me is stressful if they stand too close) so I must have zoned out and starting running my hands over the pannelling beside me, just did it repeatedly until I realized good thing is now I didn't feel strange about it afterwards as I would have done before.

So don't feel lonely, there are lots of us with cute little ways here

Hehe, I love this. I can not begin to imagine how many times I've gotten lost just feeling something and people stopping me going "what are you doing? you've been feeling the side of that desk for like 5 minutes now"

Well, thats a relief to find I am not the only one doing this particular thing.

Hi, Brundisium. First of all, I want to congratulate you on being able to maintain your friendships over the years. Since social skills are some of Aspie's biggest hurdles, I think it's great that you were able to do that.

Now that you know that you are probably an Aspie, I can understand why you might be tempted to "let yourself go," so to speak. I know exactly what you mean too. It's like you want to let out a big sigh of relief and "let it all hang out," not pretend any more. I think even NT's have to do a fair amount of pretending in life, though. Everyone has somewhat of a public face and a private one. Sometimes, even close friends don't ever get to see the whole picture. It's almost like you have to gauge how much you think they can handle. I think it would definitely be a mistake to suddenly change overnight, now that you have a diagnoses. I haven't had a diagnoses, but the Aspie Quiz and my gut tell me that I am, at least partly, an Aspie. I'm looking at the newfound knowledge as a chance to give myself a break, not be so hard on myself for not getting it right all these years. Now, I know why life has been so difficult for me! It validates my feelings, but doesn't entirely let me off the hook. If anything, now I know I'll have to work even harder, in certain situations. I won't lie, though, I'm definitely tempted to do just as you described, and let people see me for who I am -- take me or leave me. In my heart, though, I just don't think it's the right thing to do. Yes, we want to find people who love us for who we are, but life demands a certain amount of social games, sad to say. I think your friends have probably already noticed some of your quirks, over the years, and love you all the same; but it might be a mistake to bombard them with all of them. Good luck!