Best Books to Learn Social Cues?

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What are the best books to learn:

(1) Rules of interacting socially...?
(2) Body Language/nonverbal Cues...?

I worked at a library as a book shelver when I was 16-18. I skimmed through many titles.

The most helpful book to me was You Just Don't Understand Me by Deborah Tannen. It was written specifically to explain the differences men and women have in communication styles. Needless to say, I learned a lot about how EVERYONE communicates. Most fascinating to me were actual conversations had by children who were participating in research studies. It gave me clear examples of how NTs learned socialization that I could process. I used to give copies of the book to people I cared about. I always told people that I learned how to talk to people from a book.

I should add that I was diagnosed with HFA at age 35, so at the time I was unaware that there was a distinction between NT and myself. I always just assumed I was socially inept. Still, the book changed my life.

The other example that I saw when I was 17 was the BBC production of Pride and Prejudice starring Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth. The Darcy character had to learn social graces before he could connect with his future bride. I learned a lot from that movie about how other people perceive my behavior. I was able to learn how to be more ingratiating after watching his transformation.

That book and that movie really turned my life around.

The best reading material I found helpful were books on helping me understand my differences -- this made it possible to perceive the world from different angles. A problem is I don't know which angle is the most correct. It is helpful to know one perception isn't the only perception (like I used to think). For instance, someone can look upset, but they really are just thinking intently.

Rather than study all the possible expressions and body language (trying to read peoples' minds using outside cues), it is better to understand how to perceive the world by allowing your mind not to focus on trying to find the right answer. Don't be afraid to ask, because if you assume wrong, your reaction will be wrong. There are too many possibilities to guess correctly. It is like winning the lottery. I have no idea how regular people get it correct so often -- if I were not so science-minded I would call it witchcraft. They have perceptions I don't have, which makes it the same as a blind person trying to guess the correct color of an object. It just isn't going to work.

Rather than the blind person trying so hard to guess the correct color, they need to employ some other way to cross the street alone -- that is why they installed chirps on the crosswalks.

If you are unable to know the essence of someone's mood or intentions, just ask them. You don't have to explain yourself, your difficulties, or anything. Just ask questions (gather more clues) so you can figure it out easier. Your experiences and getting older will allow you to be more perceptive and guess correctly more often. It takes practice.