Adult Diagnosis of Aspergers

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Hello everyone.

So I'm pretty sure you all have gotten this a million times on this site, but I'm not sure if I should post this on an old post or not. Anyways, I never got a diagnosis as a child due to financial issues then fast forward I got one not to long ago as a 19 y/o. I'm learning more and more about Autism, Aspergers and even some introspection, and I feel like there are times when I can really identify that I'm an aspie but other times I would seem almost normal. I guess one could describe it as mild. How is it like for most of you? I see various degrees of it on here. I can relate to most but not all. It's fascinating and I would love to learn more. Is it even possible to be like this and still be considered having Asperger's Syndrome? Maybe I'm just thinking too much on the subject. Any insight or opinions are gladly welcome.

As you get older, you will have periods of enlightenment, where you finally understand parts of the normal world that didn't make sense when you were younger. However, that doesn't always mean you are able to put the knowledge into practice. It is analogous to learning all the rules of a football game, but not able to successfully play the game yourself. We have our own talents that many people could never develop. Focus on your abilities, and enjoy learning more about yourself so you can navigate in the world a little better than before. Becoming aware of your differences is similar to balancing on a moving platform. If you are blindfolded, it is much harder to compensate for the movements -- being able to see can help you compensate much better (this is assuming you are sighted).

That's true. I was at work and a coworker was getting mad and my buddy caught onto it and later explained to me her exact facial expressions and body language that gave it away. I now know about the body language and facial expressions yet I'm not quite able to put it into practice. But that's not the only case that's happened nor is it tied to that one trait. It's like I have all this knowledge but I can't utilize it in real time. Only after the fact I can analyze and figure it out. I guess that's part of my "At times I can really identify that I have Aspergers and at other times I'm almost normal." Say for example, the over stimuli. It's not nearly as bad as I have seen on here, but I can suppress it enough to pass as normal when put into an over stimulus environment. Maybe as a coping method I have developed? So many questions and my mind just goes on and on and on.

I would also say that- in a way ASD is a kind of a developmental delay. So, just because you eventually learn to decode some NT behavior and then internalize the appropriate NT response or some varient of socially acceptable response doesn't mean that you are suddenly NT. For example, I have learned a huge library if you will of social cues and responses with different people, and I activate those commands and protocols when appropriate, but just because I can pass (and sometimes really freaking well) does not make me NT.

Sometimes I feel it is just a bit of over thinking And yes, as you get older the things that confused you won't always confuse you- you learn to understand them.

Also, you don't have to hit every single Aspie/Autie mark in order to be considered a "true" aspie or autie. Just "you do you" and let live.

A lot of my abilities to fake being NT are very conscious and take a lot of effort, whereas for an NT, they would be automatic, nearly effortless, and a good deal more accurate.

For example, I can sort of read facial expressions by concentrating hard and studying a person's facial muscles, the pitch and tension in their voice, and their body posture. I've been reading books by Paul Eckmann on facial cues to improve my abilities. This is all a conscious effort, and can be exhausting and not always accurate. For instance, I still confuse similar emotions, like anger and sadness, and I can't tell a fake smile from a genuine one. An NT would do all this without thinking about it. Other social cues are nigh impossible, like when it's my turn to speak in a meeting, and what to say in a casual conversation.

These are all skills I've studied and experimented with over the years. An NT wouldn't need to do this, or at least, not much. It's like I've got software routines going in my head with menus and commands to execute (ok, I'm a programmer so that's how i think). I literally think about what topics to discuss, when it would be a good time to execute an anecdote routine, length of anecdote, level of personal information disclosed in the anecdote, what facial expressions should accompany the anecdote, etc.

I'd say I'm pretty similar to you, Jae, in that there are times when I can seem quite normal and start wondering if I've been misdiagnosed. Inevitably something will come up where I'm reminded that I'm most definitely on the spectrum. It's anything from the usual list of traits, be it sensory issues, preseveration, poor executive functioning, etc.. ASD always has its way of bringing itself back to the forefront of my mind.

I find that my traits come out a bit more whenever I am stressed. It's almost as if the stress takes my concentration away from compensating for my shortcomings and I have less capacity to put on the NT mask.

For instance, my divorce was a major stressor that brought out all of my traits in full force. In that nadir, I was formally diagnosed as ASD. But most of the time, I feel like a bit of a fraud because I manage decently enough to get by. Make no mistake, though, I am always Autistic.

Most of the time I just kind of sit in the back of or corner of the room and just watch people at work. I have found that when I'm around people I am more comfortable with such as family or my fiancee, my communication skills would be normal. But when I'm around people I don't know I almost never talk unless a special interest is brought up. I can't seem to be able to utilize the knowledge of social cues I have. I'll say something in a conversation and then instantly no one says anything. Someone else always has to bring the conversation back up. I tend to go off people's emotion rather than what I see. Like I can feel someone when they are getting angry rather than read it. Maybe I'm just sensitive to emotions, auras, etc? There's so many questions I have and I want to ask them all but it's a little difficult to have a continuous conversation on a forum.

I feel like my traits aren't as severe as others such as loud noises. I feel like I can tolerate them to a point and then my body just starts to feel weird. I get really agitated after awhile. Human touch. I can't touch anyone unless it's my fiancee and when I see my family they always give me a hug. Right before the embrace it's like I get this really weird/uncomfortable feeling but it's tolerable enough that I can give a decent length of time hug. There's really so much I can talk about but I don't want to make this post any longer than it already is.

I wonder if I am the only one who still raises his hand, in order to get a word in.

I don't quite raise my hand, but sometimes I'll do this half hand raised finger motion thing. It's like an awkward hand raise but I don't quite make it all the way raised. Most of the times I just end up stuttering because I'll get cut off every time I think it's a good time to jump in.

I pretty much have to, or I'll either never get a chance to speak, or I'll interrupt someone.

Hi Jae. I was diagnosed 3 years ago after 47 years of not knowing and initially, when I first began to suspect, my thoughts were very much like yours.

One thing I learned from going through the whole proces was that I am a very poor judge of how I seem to other people. This was a times quite shocking.

I think you should try to get an opinion from another person who knows about various neurological differences as soon as possible because that external perspective is really important to getting the answers you seek.

Good luck. I hope your self discovery is rewarding.

Thank you, I really appreciate that. I do have one friend who I can ask for external perspective outside of my therapist. (He's had some disorders as well but he says he got over them. Not sure if he just has a good mask or actually gotten over it?) From his perspective, it's more or less the same. There are times when it's obvious, and times when I can pass as normal. Sometimes I feel as if the more I learn about AS the more I subconsciously start to change my habits to fit the traits? Or I'm just more aware of my traits and can identify them easier now that I know what I'm looking for? Often I think I might just have some type of an identity disorder or maybe even be a hypochondriac? I can relate past experiences to a lot of my traits that I always thought were off, but couldn't put a finger on it.

I guess I might just be overthinking everything and just "Let live" as an earlier post mentions. I had this same problem about my ADD as well but that's another story