Were you able to blend in as a child?

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I am just asking for the sake of curiosity.

When I was in pre-school. I tried to be social, I think I made one or two friend(s). I was really bad at socializing. I had a hard time adjusting to pre-school. I would hit people and I didn't understand the concept of sharing (which is not expecting for pre-schooler). I got into trouble quite a lot and spent lots of time in the corner chewing on my shirt.

My parents tried junior kindergarten. I wasn't ready for junior kindergarten. I didn't even try to socialize, the teachers made me play with them. I didn't go to gym either. My parents pulled me out of kindergarten by October and put me back in pre-school until March. In March they put me at a different school. I had an extremely hard time adjusting.

I still went to school in senior kindergarten and found it just as difficult to adjust. The only difference I can think of is me, miraculously, making a friend. He was often mean to me, but it was the best I could get. I didn't like all of his other friends. My parents thought my issues were due to ADHD, but that was ruled out.

In year 1 I was basically the same. I tried my best to socialize, I played sports and everything. I periodically lost the one friend that I made due to my social incompetence. I still have a journal where I wrote about how much I hated him. No one in my class liked the things I liked, save for one person. I had a complicated relationship with this person, they just gave me treats from their lunch and I would talk to them, they didn't say much. I was also invited to a someone's cottage (this person was in my class), I blew it by, for some odd reason, taking all my clothes off.

In year 2 the teacher was aware of my problems. She recognized I was special and gave me certain resources. It was a pretty good year.

In year 3 I blended in pretty well, in a weird way.

In year 4 I didn't blend in well really. I still played sports with the popular people outside. I was picked on more than previous years. I was given the nickname, Sheldon (Cooper). I insisted I was nothing like him, save for my intelligence. I actually wasn't aware that I was like him.

In year 5 I completely isolated myself, for good reason too. I didn't blend in well.


In year 6 I continued to isolate myself. I didn't blend in well.

In year 7, I continue to be odd.


I sort of flew under the radar. I didn't really blend in, but it was overlooked. I suppose my condition would have been readily picked up on if I hadn't, miraculously, made that friend. I was always odd though.

Did you blend in, or not?

Oh dear God no! At least not until about middle school, when I actively began observing and imitating/mimicking. And even then I was known as the "weird girl" but at that point it was in more of an affectionate and even sometimes admiring way (because some of my friends thought it was cool to not follow the herd, so to speak).

When I do my absolute, utmost, concentrated best to control my every single movement, word and even my tone of voice and modulation, I can almost not stand out...though even with all that effort, never quite "blend in," I'm still a bit on the parameter looking into the circle, and am still known as the "quirky one" even among my (few - by choice) friends.

I AM able to "blend" or at least not stand out, enough to have a job, take care of myself and my children, deal with their teachers and so on - again, with that "well isn't she unusual/quirky?" attitude but probably not with an "I wonder if she's autistic?" thing, at least up until a certain point. With pretty much anyone that I speak to for any length of time, say, more than 10 minutes at one sitting or quick conversations but maybe 5-10-ish of them, I will eventually get that off look that says, "Is there something wrong with you?"

But getting back to the "as a child" thing specifically...no, not at all, in fact I was outright shunned because I was that significantly different from my peers.

Never! In kindergarden I didn't want to participate in group activities such as cutting things out and painting (was seen as disobedience by the caretaker but I just didn't care about that. I'm prolly autistic leave me alone biatch lol, ofc I was pretty innocent and didn't think that at the time but that's basically how it was) instead I wanted to do my own stuff and felt violated if I was forced to do s**t I didn't want to.
But at times I tried to connect with the other kids, just it mostly didn't work and I had no clue why, I had problems with imaginitive play at the time.
I was always the "problem child" in the group.
And it just continued throughout primary school, no friendships. A few times I had people over at my place and went to birthday parties, but that's not what friendship is like.
Then during middle school I was ADHD/with an attitude/weird kid/nerd/etc. Didn't fit in at all. In fact, I isolated myself, that's what I had always been doing according to caretakers btw. The teachers always kept track of what I was doing and even wanted to put me into a special school because of my ADHD behavior and bad vision... but not on my watch! Heh.
OK, I think that's enough of "blend in as a child"...
The bottom line: I never did.

/e: Oh, right. Forgot about the bullying... so... there was bullying going on.
And like NowhereWoman I didn't want to follow the herd. But I observed it from afar. Scary stuff, man...

Even though I have always been in special needs schools where most of the kids are on the spectrum, I have not ever really blended in. Have always been withdrawn and kept to myself. The last couple of years I have tried to act a little more friendly by at least smiling some (by thinking of things that make me happy). So in certain gatherings I'm kind of part of the group, but silent and off in a corner.

I really acted out in kindergarten and first grade, I did not understand. I learned basic politeness to teachers. My social deficits and emotions were noticed by students and some teachers.

Preschool: I found the maintenance panel in the playground wooden deck and hid every day until it was time to go inside. Once inside with 20 other loud, fast moving, unpredictable other children I sorta shut down until it was time to go home.

Pre-K: I would do reading with the kindergartners but was forced to sit in the "baby chair" almost every day by Sister Patricia for not sitting perfectly still and quiet. The other kids just avoided me.

Kindergarten: Okay, I didn't blend in at all but it was okay. The teachers were a couple of 70's earthy-crunchy lesbians who celebrated differences in people. It was the first time I felt like I belonged somewhere, including my family of origin. Still, the other kids mostly avoided me.

1st-6th: Uh-oh...parochial school again. Memories of repeatedly getting locked in the coat closet by the second grade teacher for talking quietly to myself &/or not sitting still &/or shutting down. Along with two other kids who didn't blend, being the daily target for a rousing game of, "smear the queer" (sort of like dodge-ball but with a hard tetherball. Sometimes the P.E. teacher played, too. He had good aim). Hiding during lunch. Wishing I was in the 7th grade so I could go to the school library, because it was always empty. Throwing up in garbage cans from stress.

Middle school: Back to public school, found a small group of protogeeks and artists. None of us blended into the larger student body but we didn't care because we fit into a subculture of our own making.

You guys remember so much from your childhood! I've started to ask my mum questions about when I was little, under the pretence of comparing myself to my children, but I dare not ask too often.

I think I stood out, but I grew up in a small rural area with few children in kindergarten and school, so "everyone" stood out, if you know what I mean. There wasn't really a crowd to blend in with, haha. I was in the cool gang, sort of, at least on the perimeter, as my best friend was the most popular girl. She and I have been best friends since kindergarten, and still are. I've never been bullied, as my school had (and still has) a great anti-bullying environment. My class was small and we were the same kids from kindergarten all the way till age 15. So we all knew each other and had a very accepting environment. I still only really had my one friend, though, and I would not meet with any of the others unless she was there too.

In high school I didn't need to blend in either, as I was doing art school and standing out was COOL. Then I moved abroad to go to university and I stood out just by being foreign, so I just assumed the others thought I was kooky because of that.

When I moved back home and did a year in university in my own country, I didn't make any friends. I just went to the lectures, aced my exams and that was that. Luckily by this time I'd already met my now husband and moved in with him, if I hadn't then I don't know where I would have been today ... he "saved" me just as I was stepping out in the world for real!

Preschool: No. Never talked to any kids. Never played games. Was confused the entire time.

Primary: Again, didn't talk to anyone and didn't play any games. Reports describe me as quiet, monotonous, lacking expression, and poor imagination. It appeared I had a friend, (I didn't) so they clearly weren't concerned.

Secondary: Teachers don't watch your lunch breaks in secondary. However in class I blended into the background since I wouldn't talk to anyone and I'd do all my homework on time so I never caused a problem for them. All my reports describe me as quiet. I suppose that was unusual.

Overall I'd say... no, not really. Especially among peers. Hell, some of them didn't even know I could talk (at least they said they didn't, I'm not sure if they're being sarcastic). I never appeared remotely normal to them.

Yes and no.

I could get along with neighboor kids, family kids and random kids at playground as long as I was the leader, the group was small and my playmates were younger than me. I played the "big sis" role pretty well.
I was also well behaved, adorable kid when I was dealing with adults - random strangers preferably.
You couldn't say there is something wrong with me. I was considered confident, smart kid. I stood out but in positive way.

In big groups of kids my age however I stood out a lot and it wasn't positive way. I was either the one who disorganises group (not doing what I was told), plays by herself or speaks with caregiver for hours instead of playing with kids. You could clearly see there is something wrong with me.

I like my small social group now. I never fit in with the larger social group, but I doubt someone would ever say there was something wrong with me. In hindsight, I feel like I was manipulated and certain people that claimed to be my friends, just manipulated me. Most of the people I thought were my friends, were pretty mean to me.

Now, I learned that one should stick up for one's self because...

Nice guys finish last
When you are the outcast
Don't pat yourself on the back,
you might break your spine

I don't know what the last verse means, but I get the meaning of the song, sort of.

I think any child would have a hard time adjusting socially if they're moved backwards and forwards like that.

I was ok at preschool. I interacted with the other children well, and just kind of blended in by nature. But in the UK children start preschool as young as 2, so I suppose that is a little young to be able to recognise social awkwardness anyway, as all toddlers are typically socially awkward.

When I started school at 4 years old, that was when I did display out of the ordinary behaviour. I wouldn't sit still, I pulled the teacher's hair, I got underneath the tables, and I screamed when they kept me in at playtime for being naughty because I wanted to go out with the other children. My parents were surprised by all this, and all the adults just thought I was being naughty. But it turns out that I just was anxious of school, and not ready for it, although I seemed ready when I was at preschool.

I calmed down after a couple of weeks, but needed help with my work. I still had temper tantrums in year 1, but didn't have them any more once I got to year 2. When I got upset I just cried.

Year 3 I did blend in more. The only thing that separated me from the others was the bell. I had an intense phobia of the school bell, and I still hate them to this day. So I would go around with my fingers in my ears because I was worried the bell would ring, but the teachers probably thought I disliked the noise of all the children, which was not the case at all.

I tried to avoid being on my own at school, so I latched on to the others from my class. I did fit in with them. Until I got to year 7, the first year of the secondary school. That was when things became more harder, I got teased and rejected, girls got so hard to impress and very closed-minded, and boys got more destructive with school equipment, and it wasn't like primary school at all.

I matured along with the other kids, but I still didn't fit in, although I wanted to. I just felt that they didn't care about me any more. When I got to year 10 I made some new friends who were considered outcasts themselves, but I think we all clashed, which ended up with me still being the one who was left out.

The only time I somewhat was able to blend in was in 6th grade. I hung out with the boys and was considered cute or at least different, as I looked different than 99% of those in the school. Before that and after that, it was always a nightmare. I had a couple of friends each year, but that was it. I never really fit in.

PS I still stay in contact with those from 6th grade, in fact, I will see them this Friday...but as I am older and no longer "cute" lol, well, I feel more isolated

I thought I fit in somewhat at the time, but looking back I realize I did a lot of weird stuff that probably just screamed "weirdo". I usually had one friend at a time, who I mimicked and basically clung to for dear life until they cast me off.

Incidentally, I've noticed that people on the spectrum often have many more and much clearer memories of their childhoods than NTs.

No. I was always the weird one. In primary school I felt overwhelmed by all these strange kids, and I just kept to myself. I was mildly picked on and didn't know how to respond. I just flew under the radar of everyone as much as I could.

However, this morphed into what basically began to amount to selective mutism, although this was UK in the 60s and I don't think anybody even knew that concept or term yet. I could barely speak in school, and never answered even when I knew the answer in a lesson.

I made a friend a couple of times but the friendship would fade away. I spent most of the break time walking around the playground by myself, like I was "taking a constitutional" around the block. Just walking and thinking. My mum would walk me to school in the morning and stay there talking to me by the school entrance until the bell rang for class, because I had nobody else to hang out with, and she was my favorite person anyway. I was a lonely kid.

The only two friends I really properly had were the daughters of my mother's own best friend, so our two families were kind of pushed together socially anyway, ie, those friendships were pretty much made "for" me. I did have fun with them until again the friendships faded and I was alone again in school situations. By then I was in secondary school (UK high school but starting at age 11/12 like junior high) and I then resorted to hiding in the library, reading, at breaktimes.

I got bullied in my first year of that school; nothing physical (except for one threat one time), but it was emotional bullying and I cried every night back at home, and didn't want to go to school. I took a lot of "sick days" off. I never felt part of things socially at school. Couldn't relate to the other kids, was always made to feel an outsider, was teased and bullied and called "oddball," and had few friends. When I did have a friends I "glommed onto" them too much, like a faithful puppy dog. It was sad.

I believe the correct answer for me is that I didn't even realize that I was different, that others could see it but I couldn't.

No. I never blended in. I was always considered weird yet harmless, so of course I was bullied a lot.