The Thing About Stimming..!

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I find it SO WEIRD that only ASD people stimm. I read here a while back that someone else mentioned that when they were in public and watched other NT peoples there was a very noticable lack of anyone stimming. Then on the train I looked around (have been observing for days now) that there is basically NO movement or stimming from anyone ever. The ONLY times I notice an individual stimm is when children do so and then its okay because they are crazy energetic kids that just wriggle around and what not because "that's what all kids do". However, why does it suddenly become not okay? I mean I still and (discreetely) watch people NOT stimm for like hours and hours at this point and it seems bizarre to me. How can people be so still?? All the time!

Additionally, NT seem to find certain stimms particularly strange or horrific, and up until this point I thought Oh yes ASD peopel shouldn't stim because its bad, but now I'm like... but why is that the case, and why do people think that in the fist place?? What the hell is wrong with stimming anyway?
Why do NT's hate it SO MUCH.
Example I can think of: Heel-walking, literally absolutely NO IMPACT on anyone else at all, is relatively unobtrusive ... sooo... what is the point of getting so bent out of shape and upset about it? Not hurting themselves or anyone.

And when I stimm in public if I don't create a plausible NT-ish context/rationale/reason for it or keep it to a "reasonable" duration then people act like I'm a freak or leper or something. Like tapping my foot as a stim, but if someone notices then I glance at my watch or phone, let out an annoyed sigh and pretend to be annoyed and mutter about the bus or train coming and then its okay, but if I just tapp my foot to tap my foot people literally ask me: "Why are you doing that? Stop it!"
Or get annoyed at like twirling (not near anyone) or staring at something sparkly or watching rainfall or rocking back and forth or pacing- why do others care so damn much about this. I and other autie/aspie people aren't hurting anyone!!

A lot of times stimming is annoying. Especially when there is sound involved, like with tapping. Some of the other autistic kids in my school really get on my nerves sometimes with their stimming. And little kids in general, whatever their neurology is, really get on my nerves. But at the same I know what you mean. People should mind their own business more and be more understanding.

I believe that humans have a hard wired ability to detect movement. This comes from millions of years' of evolution. It's a very useful ability to have when hunting your next meal or keeping away from predators. Because of this, humans find it very difficult to ignore movement it is a distraction and, it is irritating when we want to concentrate on something else. Repetitive sounds have a similar effect as is used to advantage in alarms.

Because of this people are likely to be irritated by movement and sounds that distract them from what they want to do - especially if they feel that the irritating person doesn't need to be doing what they are doing.

Sadly, it takes a degree of will and empathy to ignore stimming that not enough people have.

Seriously, it's not like we're hurting anyone with a lot of this stuff. I do pick at my skin pretty much 24/7 but I know not to do that one in public spaces and usually can manage not to.

For me, though, one thing that has always made me feel very different/stand out as being different is when waiting in waiting rooms.

I never want a magazine. I like to sit and think, which means zoning out while appearing to stare at something ut not actually seeing it. For me, thinking is an active thing. I go right inside myself as if I'm deep inside an oversized mascot costume and hearing through far removed earholes, and seeing through eyehole cut outs of a head mask that is way too big for me, so i'm deep in there an looking out from far away. That's how I've always felt when I'm just zoning out/ just thinking, and it's super annoying to be distracted from it. I like waiting rooms a lot of the time because I get to sit quietly and think.

But my mom taught me when I was little, that I should get a magazine and open it and pretend to be reading it and zone out at the page instead, and maybe turn it once in awhile. She said it made people more comfortable or something. Also told me that realy all hte other people aren't reading their magazines either, they're sneaking peeks at all the other people in the room but its rude to just stare at people, especially strangers, so they peek like that and pretend to read the magazine. She told me that she's a "people watcher" by nature and really enjoyed sitting on benches in airports and watching people around her, for example, but since it seemed to be unnerving in smaller areas like a waiting room where it's just you and two other people, one must do the "pretend to read a magazine" thing.

I did that for many many years, until about 2 years ago. I decided, you know what? F*** O**, I'm not hurting anyone by NOT holding a dead tree in my hand while I think.

People started treating me as a weirder person at that point but whatever.

I still can't manage to pass when I get my hair done though, so I get a hair cut about once a year or maybe every 2-3 years, and now that it has a lot of grey I got it colored about 14 months ago but when I went to get it touched up the only time I ever bothered, it was just too weird for me to handle.

I was in a chair in a room with about 5 other ladies also in chairs getting their hair colored or worked on, and a tv was on with a soap opera on it, and all the hair dressers and other ladies seemed to know one another and were all talking about the "soaps" and I had never met any of them before nor had I ever seen the show before, but I wasn't near a magazine and was already covered in the plastic smock thing so had no choice but to sit and stare towards the tv with a fake half smile on my face (which always looks demented for some reason) and then once in awhile people would look at me during a break in conversation and I had no clue what to say.

By the end of the appointment the lady doing my hair was visibly annoyed by me and maybe even a little rude to me and when I asked about making another appointment to get it redone. I had asked if my regular lady would be back yet when it would be time for me to return for a touch up, since she has a private room and lets me sit in there alone while my color is developing, and this girl replied that my lady might or might not be back at that point, she didn't know, and said why don't i just wait and call for an appointment for when she IS back, rather than making one with this girl now. I got the hint. Never went back.

My hair looks like one of those "people of walmart" hairdos now, where it's all grey for like 4 inches and then turns to regular hair colored hair. I wish I hadn't colored it because I know I have to make myself go get it fixed up but I don't know how to handle 3 hours of soap operas and strangers all bonding.

It really really bothers me too, that I can't figure out how to do the hair salon. I want to get my hair done every 6 weeks because I feel good about myself when my hair is nice, but I just can't make myself get out of the car and walk inside the building anymore. At least not until I get a plan for how to handle it next time.

yeah, I know the feeling of not blending and using techniques to pass...

A friend of mine does pick at her skin, and if I'm being honest I think it is SUPER gross. I have a different friend that pulls her hair out and throws it on the floor (not like clumps of hair but like a couple of strands), and I don't know I just like the surroundings being clean so I know if I have one person pulling off bits of skin and the other throwing hair onto the floor... then it just weirds me out- mostly because if in my room then the previously clean floor now has dirt or whatever on it and I can feel it under my feet when I walk or see it on the furniture. My friend says its OCD of me, but then I tell her I think its rude to sough off bodily detritus in someone's room lol (it's a friendly on-going joke we have no ill will).

I feel the same way about magazines; I hate them. I would love to stare off into space exactly as you describe, but it bothers people so I pretend to sleep. I put my head back and close my eyes. The only time it is "strange" is when I laugh at something I'm imagining or some such... then people are like WTF is wrong with this chick?!?!

Laughing to yourself isn't "normal" and ... well even if what you've envisioned is funny then... OH WELL!! ! NO LAUGHTER FOR YOU!! !

Yeah, the picking is totally gross and I try not to do it in front of people. It's usually my cuticles I'm fiddling with. Except right after I get my nails done which has only been about three times in my life. But if I had the money to do that all the time I'd probably actually be able to not do that. But I'd probably find something else to pick at, like random strings or whatever around me. I'm an equal opportunity picker.

I laugh to myself often enough. I just say I have a multi-track mind and one is a smart-ass so I often amuse myself. People can call it my inner child if that makes them feel better... my inner child is playing tricks on me and telling me jokes, like one Ellen Degeneres routine I saw a very long time ago:

(oh this is longer than I thought sorry)