College problem: I'm too confused and shocked about others.

Post Reply New Topic

Talking to people at college:

I can talk with someone in person only if I must ask them a question or tell them some information such as 'class is going to start late today' or if I'm doing group projects. I'm not shy at all in group projects.

However in break times and in class when Imy not required to work with people I find it really really difficult to talk to anyone. People keep asking me to hang out with them at break and I want to do so, but it's difficult. I get too shy. Sometimes I have hung out with people but it's getting more difficult now. I tend to say that I can't and I go by myself.

I find the whole idea of someone wanting to talk to me a bit shocking and I've never had that in the past.

I want to stop doing this because the more I avoid people and the more shy I get the harder it will be to overcome it. This is something I must certainly overcome.


I'm thinking maybe if I keep this in mind it might help.
¤ if I ignore people - certainly bad results
¤ if I talk to people - maybe bad results.
- maybe good results.

Does anyone know how I can stop feeling afraid to talk? It's odd because I'm not shy at all when I have a reason to talk. I find other peoples ideas and what they say fascinating but then it is confusing that they know the things they know lol. That is too much for me sometimes. I think it's the theory of mind thing? I had trouble with understanding that people have rich inner thoughts the same as me up until I was 15 when I truly understood.

Maybe make some rules for yourself that help you schedule these encounters a bit? As in always having something to do in one particular break, but being open to socializing during another break at another time of day? That might be predictable for people around you, which means they might not get so hurt if you fob them off.

I can't help thinking that this is very positive for you, if you just manage to feel more in control of things and manage to limit interactions to a level you are comfortable with. Talking with others about ideas is so great for you both on an intellectual level and a social level.

If you feel lost during unstructured social situations, one trick is asking a lot of follow-up questions. Most people love talking about themselves and the things they are interested in, and everybody appreciates a good listener.

Have you seen Jay-Z listen to other people, on tv? He is a fantastic listener, very focused but relaxed. He tends to mimic other people's body language, but in a more subdued way.

I really wish you had an NT friend with whom you could play roleplaying games.

And I totally didn't follow my own advice... lol

I have the same thing. I am extremely shy. The only way I know to overcome it is to find people with similar interests. We can bond over shared activities or we can talk about our similar interests.