Emotionally immature? "Late bloomer"?

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Here's something I've been thinking about lately: I feel like I'm at least 5 years emotionally behind other people my age and I don't really understand why.

I'm 25 years old and I'm currently in some kind of identity crisis or something (have been for a while). I've been questioning my sexuality for some time, which definitely contributes to that. I'm also questioning things such as gender, who I am, why I feel the way I feel etc. (well, I've been thinking about the last two my whole life but it just never stops). I'm not great at identifying and understanding my own emotions, which my psychologist says is common among people with ASD. Is it also common to feel "emotionally behind" or "emotionally immature" when you have ASD? Life is always confusing. The world is always confusing. Other people are always confusing and my own emotions are always confusing. I feel like maybe my emotional development was inhibited at some point because I feel like I should've thought about all the things I'm confused about now when I was in my late teens or something, which didn't happen. My emotional immaturity apparently doesn't show (at least that's what my boyfriend says) but I feel much younger than I am and my "inner world" is in turmoil.

Maybe I feel this way because I'm not good with emotions. Maybe I feel this way because I had to focus on surviving things such as bullying, sick parent, anxiety, depression, eating disorder etc. when I was younger (instead of focusing on things such as sexuality, gender, figuring out who I am and what I want to do in life). Or maybe I simply feel like this because I'm a "late bloomer".

I think I have a lot more to say on this subject but I find it difficult to put it into words. Anyway, can anyone here relate to this and do you think it has anything to do with ASD? Is there something wrong with me? It feels like there's something wrong with me. I'm trying to convince myself that my age doesn't make my emotions and my confusion less valid. I'm trying to convince myself it's OK and that I'm OK but it's difficult.

I feel like my motor skills and emotions are still developing as well and I'm 22. I'd say it's definitely a part of ASD. From my personal perspective, I feel like I've devoloped at a different pace than other people/ what's "normal", but I can tell I've grown as a person when it comes to emotions and basic skills.

For someone with an ASD, we tend to get through our days, then process everything later when its quite and we can think.

But this is arguably the same with life. Going through the teenage years is a rush, we are discovering everything, trying to be the best at stuff, and trying to make everyone like us. When all this dies away as we go into our 20's, we are able to think and start processing everything. Reliving old memories and working it all out, etc.

But don't dismiss all the things you know, the experiences you've been through, etc. You aren't emotionally immature, you're living a different life. Our environments and experiences shape us. If you view someone else as emotionally mature, maybe it's just because they've been through different experiences that have shaped them differently.

If you've been through the same experience and it didn't affect you as much, maybe you were just dealing with something else at the time, or had a thicker skin, or it just affected you differently.

Either way, your most likely as strong and mature as them, but in a different way. You've adapted to your circumstances, and can probably deal with things that they cant, and vice versa.

With the exception of your gender, you sound eerily similar to me.

When others around me were maturing and developing as adults, I was ensnared in my own little world. From '08-'14, I had no friends; no job; no tangible employment prospects and I could only think about two things: football and cricket, two previous interests/obsessions of mine. Yet bizarrely, I was content with my life and the way in which things were unravelling for approximately four of those six years, which I now consider to be completely wasted.

Yes, it is part of AS. At least you are diagnosed. I only realized that I may have AS when I was 37, even though I have a lot of coping skills, I managed to create a lot of drama in my life by the time.

Don't beat yourself up because of that. And try not to overanalyze your feelings; thinking things trough helps up to a point but still doesn't give the full understanding; this is just who we are. You will be fine, I'm sure

It is also relatively common for autistic people to have alexithymic traits. Alexithymia isn't a condition in its own right - neurotypical people can also have the traits of it, though in general less commonly and less severely.

The word "A - lexi - thymia" literally translates as "Without words for feelings". It describes a person who has difficulty working out what emotion they are feeling, and difficulty describing those emotions to other people. Often, alexithymic people can identify extreme emotions like anger or ecstasy, but struggle to identify more subtle ones like anxiety or jealousy. Even when the body is physically acting out an emotion, it's possible to remain oblivious to which emotion is the cause. For example, I often have to be told when I'm acting anxiously - only when someone points it out to me, do I suddenly realise; "Oh yes, anxiety, of course that's what it is!".

I think that this can explain many cases where autistic people are described as emotionally "immature". The people around us expect that everyone can identify and describe their own feelings - after all, if they don't know themselves, how can anyone else be expected to guess? This can easily be mistaken for immaturity, poor language skills, or even that we're avoiding the subject because we have something to hide.

Behavior-wise and socially I'm clearly delayed; childhood adaptive skills...I'm forced to learn at my own pace.

I've heard that ASD is associated with an "extended adolescence" which is one of the things that made consider that I might have aspergers. I definitely feel younger than I am and I'm told I look younger too which probably doesn't help because if people always treat you as if you're young and immature you probably don't get as much of a chance to grow and develop (though you can get away with more bad stuff). I always feel like I'm playing catch-up in life.

I read on a few places that us Aspies tend to mature a third slower than our peers. I won't say I'm emotionally immature nowadays thou I was as a kid but I am way behind my peers in terms of life experiences & independence skills but some of that is due to my disabilities other than Aspergers.

My emotional development definitely lagged behind my intellectual development, in my case by 3-5 years.

I feel like I "caught up" with my peers in my mid-to-late 20s... which is probably because a lot of other people had already reached their full emotional development at this point.

I wonder if it simply has to do with the fact that it's harder for us to learn the 'life lessons' that come with emotional maturity.

In some ways I have the emotional maturity of a 90-year-old. Content with what my life has been, accepting that my health is not great, strong in spiritual faith, not afraid of death. Because my 'life lessons' have led me to this place.

In other ways I have the immaturity of a small child. I never had a younger sibling, and now my little nephew basically plays that role in my life, since I live with my parents and they babysit him often. I struggle with all the 'displaced older sibling' feelings that I never learned to deal with before. (Why does he have to be here? Why does he have to dominate everything, and get his way all the time? Why is my need for quiet less important than his need to shriek nonstop?)

So I think it really just might be that we're slower at figuring out these life lessons, and perhaps it's situational. In some cases, we're immature because we haven't learned that lesson. In other cases, we might be ahead of our peers - for example knowing as teens that 'conforming with the popular crowd' is a silly thing to do, and we respect our individuality and genuine interests in a way that a lot of people don't learn to do until they're 30.

Last edited by Ashariel on 21 Mar 2016, 9:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm 55. I probably have the maturity of someone who is just entering adulthood. And it took lots of work for me to even get this far.

I've always been "behind."

I'm 55 and I've pretty much pegged my maturity level to about 12-14 years of age. That pigtail pulling stage. In some ways I am mature just by virtue of having managed to survive this long. But, I'm realizing that I am completely emotional stunted. Sophistication is not something applied to me in any circumstances.

I only obtained a little sophistication because it was forced upon me.

I'm really a rube in lots of ways.

I get that. For me it's a veneer of sophistication. But, I think the predators see right through that and it's led to me being really taken advantage of.

It was forced upon me by people who took advantage of me.

I'm still taken advantage of at times--but I have enough sophistication to know when I'm being taken advantage of.