Page 1 of 1 [ 12 posts ] 

DevilKisses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jul 2010
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,067
Location: Canada

07 Nov 2015, 6:35 pm

I think letting people dominate me over the years has been the cause of a lot of my problems. It's caused low energy, feelings of low self-esteem and occasional disorientation and sickness.

Now I'm trying to put a stop to people dominating me. Whenever people are trying to dominate me I imagine my energy going up and pushing their energy down.

Even if you don't believe in energy-work it sure helps keep my body language in check. Because of this I can deal with my dad without feeling like crap and I can get checked out by guys without feeling sick or degraded.

I no longer have to worry about acting anxious and girly. I can just let them know that I will not play their primitive games.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 124 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical


babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 75,231
Location: UK

07 Nov 2015, 6:42 pm

There will always be people who are more dominant than others in the world. That's life.

It's good to hear that you are learning how to cope with people in general.


_________________
We have existence


DevilKisses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jul 2010
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,067
Location: Canada

07 Nov 2015, 6:56 pm

babybird wrote:
There will always be people who are more dominant than others in the world. That's life.

It's good to hear that you are learning how to cope with people in general.

I guess there will be, but I'm not going to let them take my energy. I'll still doing my energy exercises. They may be able to be dominant, but they won't be able to mess with my energy or get emotionally close to me. I'll treat them like the psychopathic robots they are.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 124 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical


arkatron
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 130

08 Nov 2015, 4:13 pm

That sounds interesting to me. I'm glad it's working for you.

I have had similar difficulties. There seems to be a constant pull and push in social interactions where one person alternately drains energy and has their energy drained from them. It's been tough for me to recognize this, though I realized that some people react poorly to attempts to stop the cycle of energy vampirism. I'm currently trying to stop being an energy vampire and to stop letting others drain my energy.

Good luck on your efforts!


_________________
.
We have to change our way of thinking if we really want to change the future. - Saki Watanabe (Shinsekai yori)


progaspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jul 2011
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 673
Location: Australia

08 Nov 2015, 4:44 pm

The key is to be assertive and getting your point across without trying to dominate other people yourself. The worst thing is to be some other person's doormat, but you also have to respect other peoples' opinion and agree to disagree with them when you feel they are wrong.



Sporgle 5
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 8 Nov 2015
Posts: 6
Location: I'm Behind you. (UK England specifically)

08 Nov 2015, 5:41 pm

Personaly I would try to stay away from people like that. You are not some chumps slave, do what YOU want to do. I'd also try to be calm and mature. It sounds like that energy thingy is working for you, so i'd keep that up. Maybe a psychiatrist or whatever can help you with this domination thing also. Not sure if I really understand your situation, so I'm sorry if I wasn't much help here. I'm an anxious person myself If I was trying to go against people dominating me, i'td make me anxious and scared in varying degrees, but you gotta be brave. Also, do you just "THINK " people are trying to dominant you and you feel paranoid, or are people actually trying to ? :/ (I'm not saying how you feel is invalid btw) If it is paranoia then a whatever "ist" it is will probably help out. Otherwise keep up the energy thing (if it works for you) read up about Domination and stuff, an "ist" might still be able to help also. Try to be strong and brave. Sorry if this is all useless, or if you knew all this already. Good luck :ninja:



ProbablyOverthinkingThisUsername
Raven
Raven

Joined: 24 Sep 2015
Age: 32
Posts: 124
Location: Wisconsin

08 Nov 2015, 9:49 pm

I find it helps to stop caring what the person thinks of you.



em_tsuj
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,786

08 Nov 2015, 10:06 pm

Keep up the good work, devilkisses!



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 117,030
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love

09 Nov 2015, 7:20 am

You're doing a great job. Keep it up. :)


_________________
The Family Enigma


probly.an.aspie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Oct 2015
Age: 45
Posts: 522
Location: U.S.A.

09 Nov 2015, 7:42 am

I have had problems in this area as well. I find it hard to walk the fine line between being assertive and being a jerk sometimes. I found the following article which i linked at the bottom of this post, which i think sheds light on why it is so hard for aspies to not let ppl dominate them. I think this quote, where the author answers why she tolerated what should have been intolerable behavior toward her from peers, is it in a nutshell:

"Because I had learned to look to others for what was considered socially appropriate, even if it was painful or uncomfortable to me...My peers tolerated this behavior and thought it was OK, and I took their lead. This was the product of years of being indirectly taught to discount my own pain and discomfort in a given situation if it conflicted other peoples’ opinions of social propriety."

We are taught from the beginning that our instincts are wrong and that we have to look around us and mimic what we see, in order to function. It is hard to go from watching and mimicry to being assertive, especially when our desires conflict with social norms.

I am still working on this area. I watch social interactions very carefully as one standing back looking in. I look for the balance of power in the interaction--who holds the upper hand. It will be the person who is in control of himself/herself. Where both parties are in control, you have equal footing. This is where we can "agree to disagree" without fighting. I view this as a successful interaction for both parties.

Where one party can "push the other person's buttons," --make the other person mad, make them look stupid, etc.--the balance of power will be skewed and it is a short hop from there to one person dominating the interaction and the other person being stepped on. This is not an exhaustive explanation because there are more layers to it--but that is where i would start looking if you have not studied social interactions in this way before.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/as ... ing-say-no



InsomniaGrl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2015
Posts: 856
Location: UK

09 Nov 2015, 7:45 am

Good luck not letting people dominate you, it really does wreck your energy like you said.


_________________
Nothing lasts but nothing is lost


corroonb
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,377
Location: Ireland

09 Nov 2015, 8:07 am

How do this work exactly? How do people try to dominate you? Why does your energy depend on other people's energy?