Hi - very bad social trouble

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Hi,

I am a woman who considers herself an AspienWoman - adult woman with Asperger's, falling under the Autistic Spectrum. I seem normal and am good at mimicking everywoman I've met. This is because I have since young gone home and recited over and over in my head entire conversations, trying to understand people.

When I was younger, I had never heard of high-functioning Autism and simple told people that I am bad at people. I've worked very hard at being good with people, but have ended up abused, manipulated, and badly hurt. I'm no longer going to try to understand super-social people.

I wanted to be more typical of people who seem like me. I received a degree from a top university in Computer Science Engineering, but did my best to talk it down and avoid it because I'm blond and look like some girl who belonged in a sorority in College and probably waitressing - which I failed at. I wasn't in a sorority partially because I know I don't get along with groups of girls, although I am better one on one. I don't understand their social dynamics or why they seem to always be thinking of the same thing at the same time. I didn't work well with them in college because I understand academics to well, and they would be snotty.

I'm 38 and finally ready to accept who I am. I understand computers, love math and philosophy, but don't understand people.

I've been badly, badly abused and hurt by men I don't understand either.

I want to meet people who make sense like a guy friend of mine with Asperger's. He's the second guy I've met with it. He believes in God like I do, but the other guy I knew who didn't believe could also be counted on to say and do what he literally meant and felt. I'm scared of the world right now because of trauma, but I'm ready to be who I really am. I'm a good thinker and a good programmer. I am a kind person, but don't like to be taken advantage of.

You are most welcome on this Site.

You will meet people of a similar mindset.

I hope you find this Site to be an oasis.

Welcome!

Assume that people are liars, manipulators and backstabbers and you should be fine.

Thank you for the welcome SilverProteus. I need a better alias than I used, so I will probably post under a different name, as someone on this forum said we should. I still appreciate the welcome.

Kraftiekortie - You are unfortunately right.

I really don't assume that any one person is a liar, manipulator, or backstabber.

I give people the benefit of the doubt--but I look out for this stuff, anyway.

Well. Sometimes you meet the right person and everything is perfect. And that's just because you met the right person. Other times it's because that person is trying very hard to manipulate you.

I find it's helpful to get a friend to be around as an observer, because the guy won't be trying to impress the friend, and listen to what that person has to say.

But in general you just have to give people chances. If you don't, you'll never find the special people that are just right for you.

Welcome! You sound normal to me.

i had a fiance who hit me. part of my vulnerability to him was being autistic. the other part was not having a good idea of what a relationship with a guy was supposed to look like because my father was an alcoholic. thank goodness you and i are both OUT of these horrible situations.

after that, i attended al-anon meetings for about five years to learn about good relationships and boundaries. i got counseling from our local domestic abuse supporters. they taught me warning signs of someone likely to turn out to be abusive, outlined at this link: http://www.newhopeforwomen.org/abuser-tricks

i dated dozens of people and finally found a keeper and married him. we are best friends. i feel very lucky. i hope you don't give up.