My Theory on Facial Expression and Staring

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I would like to share my theory on the importance of one's facial expression in social environments. Sorry this is so long, I really did try to keep it short so I can elaborate in later posts. I have highlighted in bold the key points.

My theory is that my resting facial expression is "blank" in a way that is considered abnormal to most people. I worked at a call center with 100s of other people in an open space, sitting in front of a computer. I thought it would be a nonsocial environment and boy was I wrong. I hated it there because it was too social and too loud. I wouldn't be surprised if I looked miserable because I certainly was. Over time I noticed that the people in computers in front of me or next to me would request to move. I thought they were moving because of me, but I know that if I were to say something like that people would say I'm "paranoid." On one occasion a manager sent a pop-up message to my computer that only said "move seats please" with no explanation. I seemed to be a menace to the people around me when I wasn't even doing anything. I don't make a sound and hardly speak. There are others yelling, throwing balls, talking vulgarly, etc. I was very upset that I was being asked to move as if I was causing trouble.

What I find so puzzling and infuriating is that the people around me are so worried about my facial expression. I'm not even looking at people in public--I'm looking at the floor, at my phone, at the computer, etc. It seems that facial expression is always important, even if you aren't directly engaged in conversation with someone. I do not personally understand why people react this way. I've asked myself, if I saw a stranger looking sad or angry, while looking at their phone, would I feel bothered? Then I realized it would be highly unlikely for me to take note of a stranger's facial expression in the first place! This is probably one of the many social instincts I am missing.

I've been trying to figure out what exactly about my facial expression is so disturbing to people. I have been taking candid snapshots of my face when I'm alone. After careful studying, I can see that I do look sort of tired and sad. I am diagnosed with depression so I am tired and sad. My eyelids droop a bit, and it seems other people never have drooped eyelids. My expression is kind of like the character Daria's lol. The expression on my face might look sadder/more tired or something in social environments for many reasons, including that I'm acutely aware of people staring at me constantly. I think people stare at me because my natural resting facial expression is "abnormal." My theory is that people are able to instantly see that my facial expression is "abnormal" as soon as they see me. They stare possibly out of confusion? Maybe just staring because it's different/unusual?

I have felt like people stare at me for many years now, and it has given me bad social anxiety. I know as soon as I'm in a social environment, people stare DIRECTLY at me. Of course over time I just become more and more aware of the phenomenon. That doesn't mean I'm making it up. I now think that people stare at me because my facial expression is "abnormal." There must be some sort of social element missing from my facial expression. There are many, many people around me who are not smiling or who do not look excited. But something very particular about my blank facial expression makes it "weird" compared to other humans. One guess is that my facial expression is a result of flat affect, which is defined as lack of emotional response. Considering that flat affect is seen as a symptom of mental disorders (including depression), it makes sense that the general population finds it so disturbing.

In conclusion, facial expression is very important in social environments (anywhere with more than 1 human). Even if you are keeping to yourself, people are aware of your facial expression and seem to have some sort of internal response to it. If your facial expression is unusual, they will stare at you.

Thank you for reading my theory! Please share your thoughts on this theory or your experiences with facial expression and staring. I would love to have a discussion on this.

I think what you are saying has at least some validity.

People tend to want to "read" people based upon their facial expressions.

I've been thinking about that for a while now too and I think you're right.
I KNOW my face is completely blank and unmoved in public. Resting b***h face level over 9000.
"Lucky" me doesn't notice when I'm being stared at since my vision is bad.
I don't see other people's faces either.

I tried imagining being in public, then looked in the mirror... a bit terrifying what I saw, haha.
It's like wearing one of these expressionless masks, except without actually wearing a mask.
I think I've actually "learned" to do this to hide my true feelings at some point in my life.

You are correct. Controlling your face is a big deal. My expressions have gotten in trouble from time to time. I let my guard down and the real face appears.

I wear a mask in public. A face that is appropriate for the situation. The one that works the best is happy beagle face. I practice it frequently and it rarely fails.

Wearing a happy face makes me feel better. Although, it can be exhausting at times.

I used to be an unhappy person, and I imagine my face looked like it.

Now I am a happy person. "Happier than I have any right to be," I once described it. I'll be driving around town, or moving around my office, with a smile on my face, and it is not forced.

Gosh, it's nicer to be happy than sad!

My resting face has provoked extreme anger on several occasions where males have had to be restrained by on-lookers.

Each time I was astonished at the reaction to my face in a relaxed state.

I have been forced to self-monitor to prevent such incidents from occurring again.

Some humans are really fvcked up.

I have been told the opposite when people see me work. They say my face contorts all sorts of ways and they say I make sounds when I am working, and I think I'm being perfectly quiet.

Whether the face is blank (And, mine will go blank at odd times) or animated, I think in my case is that my reactions are not what is expected. I think that NTs read microexpressions that we cannot fathom. Couple that with us perceiving things differently and giving them a reaction that they can't understand.

I know that I can't read moving faces. Apparently according to the Reading the Mind in Film and Reading the Eyes Tests (I think those are the names) I am not even as good as I thought I was with still images.

I think they are just as mysterious to us as we are to them.

I started practicing facial expressions in the mirror when I was a teenager. I think it's helped, although my family still asks me if I'm angry when I'm just being thoughtful, sad, or tired. I must have resting b***h face too

I study some of my favorite actors and actresses on TV and try to picture myself copying what they are doing, and the situation that calls for it. I also do the voices for pitch and volume. If I practice enough, I get a feel for how the muscles feel.

If I notice someone looking at me, I try to smile (closed lips, not too broad, 2-3 seconds). Yes, I do put that kind of thought into facial expressions, like I'm Mrs. Potato Head putting on the right look. My natural state is pretty expressionless, so I have to think about the sort of expression I want to show. I also work in a crowded room, with some banter and joking, although yours sounds a lot noisier. Since some of us are writing code, we're allowed to put on headphones and nobody cares if we look a bit blank at the time (and coders are weird anyway).

Can you ask your manager or a friend what the issue is? Are they just moving away from you, or does everyone change places like musical chairs? It could just be some daft management policy to break up gossipers.

I totally relate to the "putting on a mask" in public. It's pretty exhausting, and I'm talking physically - my facial muscles get tired from holding the "I'm normal"-face in place.

I saw an episode of Creature Comforts once (made by the Wallace and Gromit people) where one of the "animals" was talking about putting on a mirror face. And that he once saw himself in a mirror without his mirror face on and how uncomfortable that was, haha. I sort of get it, when I see my face unexpectedly - like if I'm on my laptop and the screen goes black so I see my reflection - I'm not usually very happy with what I see. I look pretty grumpy, perhaps a little confrontational or stubborn, but it's just the way my face looks when I use a minimum of facial muscles. Resting b*tchface FTW!

And in my case, it also requires mental concentration to remember to put the muscles in the right place. One boss jokingly said I reminded her of Wednesday Addams (also because I had a fairly dark sense of humor at the time).

I also think this expands to more than just facial expressions, such as tonality and overall body language and when this doesn't come naturally to you can leave you becoming a bit of an outcast if your responses are unusual in these points as well

I wish I didn't notice people staring lol. As for resting b***h face, I find that phrase fascinating. People are comfortable assuming someone is a b***h with just a facial expression? Yikes. I don't think it's RBF that I have though...And I think people who do have RBF probably have other normal facial expressions when they do converse with people. I've noticed on several occasions that people look uncomfortable conversing with me. They look almost nervous or scared? I've observed those same individuals have smiles on their face and laugh while talking to others.

Unfortunately, I have no solution other than to fake an expression 24/7 which sounds exhausting. Is that even humanly possible? It's not fair that I can't wear my normal facial expression without being stared at all the time. And then there's the fact that it can affect one's ability to work as well if people perceive your facial expression as weird, creepy, or whatever it is they feel.



Hm thanks for sharing your experience. I suppose if you're happier, you're more inclined to smile. And as an added bonus, a smile is considered a normal, good facial expression.


Wow that is crazy and I'm sorry you're experiencing this! I do agree that it's astonishing how important a relaxed facial expression is even if you're minding your own business. What I find mind boggling is that I'm not even looking at anyone so why are they bothered by my expression? No one has tried to fight me, they just avoid me or move seats. It's good that we are aware of such things and can theoretically improve them. For all we know, with practice, we will be able to change our resting faces. I just wish I knew what to change it to lol

I used to think I could read facial expressions until a few months ago when I came up with my theory. I started looking into flat affect and tried to search online for a face with flat affect. According to WiseGeek, this woman's facial expression is result of flat affect. She looked perfectly normal to me. I wish I had a friend to ask if they find the woman creepy, scary, violent, etc. Anyway, it's interesting you use the term microexpressions. I read a book called Mr Penumbra's 24 hour Bookstore and the protagonist kept mentioning micromuscles. I probably can't detect those accurately.





That's a good idea and I do think I will make an effort to practice. For the sake of my career I can't have interviewers, managers, coworkers, etc find my facial expression off putting.

Well I already quit that job lol. I don't think I could've asked anyone because I don't think they'd give a good answer. If they said I'm creeping them out and I asked why, I doubt they'd say which part of my face I need to change. But then again I'm just guessing.



Sounds like your cheeks would hurt from smiling too much lol. If it's just your natural expression to look grumpy or confrontational, I don't think it's fair/logical for people to be bothered by it. About a week ago someone asked "Having a bad day?! You look like you've got an attitude!" Mind you I had not even seen this woman. But I guess she perceived me as confrontational. How I can be confrontational to someone who I don't even notice is beyond me.


Yes but the key point of my theory is that people are reacting to you before they even speak to you--so tonality cannot be a factor. I don't think it's my body language because I'm just sitting with my hands in my lap or holding my phone with my head bent down.

I try to do shorter duration facial expressions, because I probably would get too tired to do it all the time. I also engage in the joking and banter when possible, so that people get used to the fact that while my facial expressions may not always be quite right, I'm still an ok person, interested in being part of the team. I goof up at the joking and banter occasionally (a joke about a Zombie Apocalypse did NOT go over well, resulting in lots of staring ). I think I've managed to establish an image as "harmless, friendly, but weird," which I guess is better than "scary and creepy." I'm signing up for a social skills class for autistics in January. I'll let you all know how that goes. It's even covered by my insurance!

We may not be able to read microexpressions. There was an interesting segment on PBS' The Brain the other day, in which John Elder Robison was undergoing some sort of magnetic brain scan at Harvard Medical School. It accidentally caused him to suddenly be aware of micro expressions for the first time. It wasn't clear if it made him any more able to interpret them, and it didn't seem to make his face as expressive as most people's.

Here is just the Robison clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEQKvrILN3U
Here is the whole episode: http://www.pbs.org/the-brain-with-david-eagleman/episodes/why-do-i-need-you/

The entire episode is worth watching. The bit that really blew my mind is that NTs can read an expression in 30 milliseconds!! ! So it's likely that for them, it's automatic and not consciously done. I usually spend 2-10 seconds trying to read people's expressions, and I still can get similar expressions confused. In the PBS episode, they did one study in which they temporarily immobilized people's faces with Botox. Freezing their faces actually impaired their abilities to interpret OTHER people's expressions--the two are definitely linked. I've read that one of the first things a baby does is to "mirror" other people's expressions. It may be to cement child-parent bonds, or to learn how expressions work.

I have Paul Ekman's book, Emotions Revealed, on my reading list, to see if I can improve my expression reading (and expressions for myself). http://www.amazon.com/Emotions-Revealed-Second-Recognizing-Communication/dp/0805083391/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1447438088&sr=1-1&keywords=paul+ekman