Abusers denying abuse?

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I got into a heated argument with my mother today, she said the only reason they did what they did to me is because I was a bad child and I deserved it. She believes that I was not abused and that I am making it up to be a victim. Do abusers often deny abuse like this?

What is waterboarding? (sorry to go off track)

Waterboarding like what they do to interrogatee prisoners in Guantanamo.

Often times abusers are so tangled up in denial themselves, they believe what they are saying.

Yes, this is a very common excuse. In reality, even the worst child in the world does not deserve the kind of treatment that can be described as "abuse".

Grimdalus, unfortunately I can relate. Things were so bad when I was growing up that I've been on my own since I was sixteen. And since my family sounds like yours, I haven't spoken with any of my family in years.

My advice to you would be to lick your wounds and move on. Put yourself into a situation where you are self-supporting and don't have to rely on these people for anything. You can continue to fight and argue with you family, but if they are anything like mine, it is wasted effort, not to mention the grief.

Yes. Some will ALWAYS deny it. Or create lame explanations why they had to do it. And like someone has already mentioned, their relatives who grew up with them will buy into their lie, and side with them no matter what. It SHOULD be illegal, but how on Earth can you prove something like that? Especially with verbal and emotional abuse?

My father has completely denied any and all abuse in the past, and was actually incredulous at any implication of such. I haven't had contact for a few years now and as far as I'm concerned, he's dead to me.

There are different level of abuse, not all abusers know they are doing abuse. You don't need to starve and beat your child to be an abuser.

I do think also there are those that describe anything that isn't a fake, hunkydory idealised version of parenting as abuse to though. For instance, every parent has to shout/yell/raise their voice at times, whether it be for safety, disobedience, the only way to get through to that particular child. In the UK things are so PC that anything and everything is against someone's human rights (and yet often the people who have suffered real human rights abuse can't get help).

You only have to look at how they house criminals in jail to see how far it's gone. People will claim "poor me, my parents shouted at me, I'm emotionally scarred" etc. It can be taken too far and I think that they have no idea what it feels like for those who have been truly abused. I know there are different forms of abuse, emotional and physical (including sexual) but I think true emotional abuse is a prolonged thing, that makes the victim scared, feel they have no way out, believing they are no good etc. Someone saying their parents shouted at them isn't the same thing. Here yobbish children know all their rights and there have been cases of them being awfully behaved at school e.g. and then claiming the teacher did something illegal to them when they tried to control them. (Perhaps they needed restraining and they then claimed assault etc.) because they know how PC it is and how they will claim "poor little me" when they are manipulative and trouble-making individuals who are street-wise beyond their years.

BTW I still have no idea what waterboarding is. I know there were tortures in Guantanamo but apart from them stripping people naked and photographing them in demeaning ways I don't know more than that.

It's extremely rare to find an abuser who admits what they did was abusive. Usually they either deny it happened at all, or try to justify it in some way.

To the OP, the only time an abuser is likely to admit anything wrong is when they are attempting to plea bargain.

Ettina, are you in America, there are different rules for restraint of youths in the UK. There has been injuries due to excessive force being used, deaths I think are few.

WM, waterboarding is when someone is restrained to a board on their back, a cloth is laid over the face and water poured on top. It is very easy to replicate drowning for the victim without much effort on the part of the torturer.

Yes, I think everything is more extreme in America than in the UK.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/ ... rance.html

I could probably find a variety of links about teachers driven to suicide by awful pupils too.

Here's one about a pupil killing their teacher because of poor marks: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/765906.stm

It's not all one-sided.