Socially aware enough to know you mess up

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DevilKisses
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30 Nov 2015, 1:18 pm

Is anyone socially aware enough to know when people are bored and don't care about what you're saying, but not aware enough to make them care? It's super annoying. This is what makes me avoid certain people. What confuses me even more is when they still want to talk to me when they're obviously not interested in a thing I have to say.


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EggStirMeanAte
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30 Nov 2015, 1:26 pm

Couldn't have said it better myself.

I'm not great with faces, but one of the facial expressions I do recognise is "oh god, how do I get out of this conversation". I usually react by rambling even more.



Varelse
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30 Nov 2015, 1:34 pm

DevilKisses wrote:
Is anyone socially aware enough to know when people are bored and don't care about what you're saying, but not aware enough to make them care? It's super annoying. This is what makes me avoid certain people. What confuses me even more is when they still want to talk to me when they're obviously not interested in a thing I have to say.

I am sometimes (but not always) socially aware enough to know when I'm boring someone to death. What I often wish is that I had enough self control and social skill to turn the conversation back to a two-way one about something we are both interested in. Sometimes that happens, sometimes not.

Quite frequently, people are attracted to or are seeking others who will listen to and be interested in them. If the interest and willingness to listen are mutual, then things 'click'. If not, the conversation, and the relationship, tends to be shortlived.

Maybe people keep talking to you because they find you attractive, intriguing, and intelligent, but they aren't sure what THEY can say that will get YOU interested in THEM? So, they just keep throwing stuff out hoping something will stick.



BirdInFlight
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30 Nov 2015, 2:17 pm

Yes, I do manage to pick up on that, but my problem is I can't seem to respond quickly enough to that incoming impression in order to do anything about it with ease -- as someone else said, it makes me ramble even more.

I think that's part of slow-processing issues -- even when one can see/perceive something happening in the other person, one just can't process it fast and well enough to know what to do or say on the spot, that might change things, or wrap things up.



kraftiekortie
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30 Nov 2015, 2:50 pm

Yep....that's me to a "t"...and an "x" and a "y" and a "z."



Earthling
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30 Nov 2015, 3:18 pm

Yeah. I'm actually both kinds of people. :oops:
I notice when people are displeased, but can't put them back at ease, rather panic.
But I also keep listening to people even though I hate it. It's a once useful habit that I might need to break eventually. :twisted:



ASPartOfMe
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30 Nov 2015, 3:46 pm

Sometimes I am and sometimes I am not. The scary part is not knowing how much I am not aware because by definition I am not aware.


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Varelse
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30 Nov 2015, 3:50 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
Sometimes I am and sometimes I am not. The scary part is not knowing how much I am not aware because by definition I am not aware.

If only I had had this insight earlier in life. If only I could keep it in mind now, even after realizing this is the case, and always will be, for me.



LupaLuna
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30 Nov 2015, 3:58 pm

Now that I've learned about AS. I am much more aware of when I bore people and is much less of a problem for me now. But before hand. I was totally blind to it and would get myself in a lot of trouble at times because of it.



untilwereturn
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30 Nov 2015, 3:59 pm

As I've gotten older, I've become more aware of when someone's eyes are glazing over with boredom. Sometimes I can even stop myself, and try to bring them back into the conversation by asking them questions about themselves or their interests.



BuyerBeware
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30 Nov 2015, 4:06 pm

I'm fairly aware of it (other than when talking to my husband, who always looks either bored and pissed off or like he's having the time of his life), but that doesn't mean I can fix it.

The best I can do, generally, is to shut up and go away.

That's a pretty good rule of thumb, in general: SHUT UP. Let others direct the conversation. Agree with the majority, or the people who matter most to you, as much as you can without telling a blatant lie or selling yourself down the river. When in doubt, people tend to take silence (or vague noises, or phrases like "I can see how you'd feel that way") to imply assent and/or agreement without you ever having to actually agree with them.


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tetris
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30 Nov 2015, 5:07 pm

Sort of fortunately but sort of unfortunately I am completely oblivious to when people get bored.



DevilKisses
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30 Nov 2015, 6:12 pm

BuyerBeware wrote:
I'm fairly aware of it (other than when talking to my husband, who always looks either bored and pissed off or like he's having the time of his life), but that doesn't mean I can fix it.

The best I can do, generally, is to shut up and go away.

That's a pretty good rule of thumb, in general: SHUT UP. Let others direct the conversation. Agree with the majority, or the people who matter most to you, as much as you can without telling a blatant lie or selling yourself down the river. When in doubt, people tend to take silence (or vague noises, or phrases like "I can see how you'd feel that way") to imply assent and/or agreement without you ever having to actually agree with them.

What bothers me is when the other person has nothing to say. The main reason I have boring monologues is because the other person isn't talking. If the other person talks a lot I don't have this problem as much. I think come across as bored sometimes because I don't know how to respond to other people. I'm starting a wiki that will help fill awkward silences.


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zkydz
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30 Nov 2015, 7:06 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
Sometimes I am and sometimes I am not. The scary part is not knowing how much I am not aware because by definition I am not aware.

That nails it on the head for me. And, it's one of the things I am becoming aware of as I digest this.

So, if I am not aware, how do I know just how bad my behaviour is?


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YippySkippy
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30 Nov 2015, 7:16 pm

I basically just don't talk to anyone anymore. That way they're not bored, or misunderstanding me, or thinking how weird I am, or getting angry because I said this but forgot to mention that.



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30 Nov 2015, 7:23 pm

zkydz wrote:
ASPartOfMe wrote:
Sometimes I am and sometimes I am not. The scary part is not knowing how much I am not aware because by definition I am not aware.

That nails it on the head for me. And, it's one of the things I am becoming aware of as I digest this.

So, if I am not aware, how do I know just how bad my behaviour is?


I had my friend on the phone with me while I was at work one day. I thought most of my interactions were perfect and I felt I was doing so well because I wasn't feeling anxiety; however, she pointed out a lot of things and on further review I had to agree that I really was missing a lot of things. I just didn't know because I wasn't very aware.

It's like self delusion with me lol.