A "unique individual" or a disability?

Post Reply New Topic

I am relatively new to the realization of ASD in my family. It has been around for years, of course, but only diagnosed in my son and myself within the last two years.

I am beginning to see its prevalence in my family. Especially at Christmas, when portions of my extended family get together. Not just in one branch but among my aunts, uncles, and cousins on both my mom and dad's sides of the family. Not as prevalent in my husband's family but i can pick some out in his family too. His is maybe more ADHD than autistic, and in general hubby's relatives are higher functioning than on my side of the family. But my poor kids--they are just genetically screwed.

My question is this: Even on my side of the family, where diagnosed ASD, ADD, ADHD, and mental illnesses affect approximately half us or more, there is a mindset among many of the family that, "we are not disabled, we are just different. And since every person is unique anyway, it doesn't matter that much."

My brother goes so far as to say he does not believe my son is autistic. Even though he sees him frequently and he and my sister-in-law babysit from time to time. I know some of my family members' quirks are just that--that we are all unique individuals--but some are obviously more than that. Where is the line between a disability and just differences between people?

I guess the fine lige goes, where you can or can´t live up to, what´s expected of everyone in our main culture - such as intuitively knowing, how to react, what to say and why, or being able to follow social ping-pong, understanding jokes or being able to shift quickly between whatever without preparation, and being able to navigate in noisy, unpredictable environments.... abilities, that are valued in social situations, but absolutely nescessary in modern jobs - or most of them.
Even very quirky people might master all of this, despite being different

Both. Disabled people aren't a homogenous group.

it is whatever you make of it really.
if you are a pessimist then everything is futile
if you are an optimist, everything is an opportunity.

In some ways the labels are irrelevant. Just because your quirks are labelled 'autism' doesn't make them any less unique.

Have you ever heard of the social model of disability? The idea is that the difference, or impairment or whatever, doesn't automatically make you disabled. You're only disabled if the environment requires abilities that you don't have. For example, a Deaf person who signs fluently, whose social environment consists entirely of fluent signers and who has the appropriate technology in place to alert them of things like doorbells and fire alarms isn't disabled, but put them in a different environment and they would be. Similarly, an average-IQ kid would be disabled if they were receiving education aimed at gifted kids, and expected to try to keep up academically.

I used to think everyone in my family was a unique individual. It's only in the past few years that I came to realize how disabled they/we are, too.

Both perspectives have their place. I think unique individuals deserve to be valued. And at the same time, when they have struggles in their lives, that needs to be acknowledged, as well.

I'm sorry if this didn't contribute much to the discussion.

Thank you for all the replies, I appreciate it. Each of you offer a good perspective. I like this forum because it is a place where there are a lot of people who instinctively understand things that, in another environment, i would have to explain in much greater detail.

Ettina and Jensen, your social disability model makes a lot of sense. i think i have felt disabled in many areas of life because i have been in surroundings that take skills that stretch me to my limit--or skills that i simply don't have and it is terribly hard to fake them all the time.

Conceptuallycurious and BeaArthur, i think my family has a lot of their mental health issues because they don't acknowledge the disabilities, just look at themselves as "unique" but don't take enough steps to help themselves function. Or at times push themselves to do "normal" when it is at best a monumental task given their abilities.

B9, i am sort of a pessimist, but not to the point that i believe everything is futile. Just to the point that i usually expect to be disappointed. Once in a while, a wish gets fulfilled and i am so happy that my kids are sort of like Bart and Lisa in one Simpsons episode: (awed expression and hushed tones) "Then the rumors are true! Moms can want things!" I don't view every difficulty as an opportunity but i also know that occasionally, success is possible. I have spent a lot of years going about attempting it in a way that was setting me up to fail. Now i am trying to change a mindset that i have had most of my adult life.

I'm proud to be one-in-a-million and consider my developments to be a power and not a hindrance.

You must realize everyone has inabilities, especially NTs.

So I see my quirks as inabilities, not disabilities.